ignite your bones

MY PHONE COLLAPSED ALR

2012-02-01T06:02:00.000-08:00

i love og 12!!!!!!!! though it feels kinda, really more stressful than the previous time. gonna try my best anyway! thankfully there are the loveliest ogls and vik and charmaine hehe.

/friends don't bully friends.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY JAN BABIES

2012-01-21T08:53:00.000-08:00

eighteen.

happy birthday aerilynn and paige.

you guys have done so much for me. love you all so much.

crab meat.

2012-01-20T16:18:00.000-08:00

some repulsion here, but i know it's got to end soon. i can't keep going on like this. really got to try harder and push it likka sheeet.

yesterday i realised. kinda need to start all over, start to appreciate people. idk. sinhui jas joy wanting and i headed to the field in the hot sun, reminiscent of the days of tennis camp, just that it's all a lil more lighthearted. and we took crazy pictures!! loved it. it's been a while since we done crazy girls-school things! and then we talked at gong cha. it's been a while since i talked-talked with sh HEHE our lives are so interlinked, i love it actually. ha ha, i realised i really have lots to appreciate, just that i don't.

time with the ogls are always fun. laughing with yiyin was shizcrazy hehehehehehe and the me.mes. oh my holy.

yesterday we went to dozo restaurant to celebrate parents' anniversary and damn (worthy of a vulgarity) delish. i felt like such an epicurean tasting all the good stuff since everything was so tastefully prepared, and we were given a private room and all. but the fabrics of the family. i love my family, i'm supposed to, but that closeness between them is a stark contrast between that of friends and i. the tears almost came out. just, not really. like when the waitress was smiling and bringing in the cake in celebration of the anniversary. i don't recall the last time i smiled as magnificently as her. happy twenty years mommy and daddy. i'm so overwhelmed by the opportunities and the protection all these years. i still remember you argued with the montessori staff just because you said you trusted me more and i said something (i forgot), that led to these complaints. and i was only six years old. i know families are something special, i just wish i had pattaya again so i can reignite the enthusiasm and the resolutions.

i have been so jaded, it feels ridiculous to some point, actually. hm. i just want to throw away the past tense and bring on the future tense.

oh and wednesday's training. taught me how i needed to train harder and more frequently til my legs burst i really don't care anymore. so i kinda know what's repelling away from playing, but then i have so much to fight for. i can't be more grateful for my tennis girls. i'm so excited to meet the new ones too, vik, rachel. having them is a mad crazy blessing.
☻☻☻

obliterationsensation

2012-01-14T01:09:00.001-08:00

from the reblog archives of fightingforces@tumblr.

destroying things that were once appreciated.

epiphanies;

2012-01-08T10:38:00.000-08:00

i wish i had one of those now and then.

i don't really know how to react now, actually. and i'm afraid that it'd be awkward at some point in time, i just cross my fingers that it's not soon. the reality is inundating me quite a fair bit. (keyboard smashing + exclamation marks)

okay, so that's january eighth for you.
heart goes out to abi and the others. you will be strong and brave. it's not the end, it's never the end unless it's a happy ending. happy endings are complete endings.

/edit
feeling a tinge of nostalgia for cheer now. the people the hot sun the craziness the united atmosphere, some feeling that everything's gonna go smoothly, which it did!

time to focus on dire issues and train a lot, a lot harder.

sleep.

p.s: PATTAYA TRIP MADE IT TO THE (CATHOLIC NEWS)!!!!!

inundation

2012-01-06T10:31:00.000-08:00

three days just passed swiftly and i couldn't really get anything done.
cheer/ open house prep
church sharing and i was again ballsy and foolish to go back home late late again oops. and cheer is tomorrow. i appreciate all delta hc has done. thankew dears.

"and see my bruises cos of cheer"
"ouch, did you fall down?"
"naw, the people fell on me"

HAHAHAHAHAH sorry i thought that was kinda funny. !!!!! and ofc the cheer assholes are forever being mean to me. but they're so amusing. cheer = mixed feelings this time round. i wanna wanna wanna be proud to be a deltan. or a vega-n.

okay proud to be in control of my inner tides now. let everything be smoothsailing lord, and let me be driven by my purpose in life and nothing else.

pf. there's some pride in being part of something special and home-ly. really really feels like home.

haaaaa, hi that's life for me. other than ingesting fat shiz. school is no. ~~tired~~.

2012-01-04T06:59:00.001-08:00

lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones.

speedy 2012.

2012-01-04T06:51:00.000-08:00

whiz whiz whiz. i'm just living the days, not counting dates, just breathing air until the a levels are done, but now it seems that i'm unnecessarily busy. can't imagine how filled to the brim my brain would be just ten years down the road.

of course there's the doubts and insecurities and they are always always there. but today i feel a sense of closure. nirvana!! freedom, salvation from my thoughts. stupid rebs is being stupid again. ok but now that i've found nirvana, it is all good. i think. there are definite and indefinite stuff in life. and i'm glad pink family is a permanent structure in my life. they're truly a godsend. like today when i really couldn't move a step further and i met jo whoohoo and i just needed a breather hahaha as dramatic as it sounds. god wraps his arms all around me and i should be so thankful for that. i only realized it now. i hate being idiotic oh man. sometimes i really think i'm screwing my life over. yet it doesn't seem quite so. haha, i don't know. life is eventful of late. and thoughts aplenty.
hm. i don't feel like i'm living 2012, yet. i think it's cos of tennis camp, jumbling up my mind schedule.
and i realise i was never meant to be amazing. i rather much enjoy being a fat antisocial little slob so big i have my own gravity pull. not ride high and mighty, even if i tried. i'm on the edge of average and nothing more to be said.
i'm quite glad for delta house comm sometimes. and i like the company of og 12 ogls. now the trick is to let 2012 og12 kids have the best time of their jc lives and hopefully we can play the cards right and hopefully. idk. haha. i remember the cedar spirit. it was a strong unwavering flame. realised og 12 was really a stepping stone to life in tj. takes lots of luck.
inferiority complex max. but yeah anyway right.

i lost my train of thought. dont really want to think anymore. ok can. i like to laugh. i'm so glad there are lovely people who can make me laughhhhhhhhh my ass off.☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
hi hi hi deonn, if you are reading this then good on you hehe so glad to have met you, so glad swirlypinkmuffins has at least one official blog viewer. thank you for your post. (spam emoji + exclamation marks) i'm so glad for blog link exchanges. i can't believe we survived the year. even if my class number is half of yours. which means we are actually just really far away in distance.

actually i'm glad to have discovered a bit more about pink family in 2011. finally i can be let out of the house a lil bit longer than those noob poop sec 3 days hahah, oh my. this year will be the highscore!!! the resolution with nat haha. anw i still feel like a noob poop now.
but i guess i just got to constantly remind myself of the bigger picture everytime. i'm freaking tired now. lots to do actually. we are always on a mission. hmmmmmmmm. happy days. cheerleading was cool. ryan got slapped in the face by nicolas who previously got hit in the balls. haha these things should really be documented for future reference/ conversation helpers. popping is really scary. so proud of jas now, fly fly fly! and the alpha peeps are a godsend. in other news. more training for me. gah. idk. priorities.
priorities are sh*t.

you know when you wish something happens and it doesn't and you get upset about it the whole day, or when it does happen you brush it off thinking nothing much of it and underappreciating something that is wonderful- is it why life always seems so hard? there is a reason. there are reasons. i dislike (N) typing a whole lot but i justttttttt wannaaaaaaaa dragggggggggggggg myyyyyyyyyyyyyy wwwwwwwwordssss.

thank you for 2011.

2011-12-31T10:12:00.000-08:00

i hope 2012 will just be a quick emotionless year for everyone, since it's gonna be a tough one but we're gonna pull through just like everybody else before us has.

2012 will be that bitter black cough syrup we all got to take, but shut our eyes and hold our breaths and hopefully with a little magic or something of that sort, miracles will happen.

quite a lot of junk, hehe. hence this jump break ♣♣♣

2011's so different from all other years. i fell in and out of love with twitter, and okay social sites just rule, a lot. things swirled by so quickly i didn't really have any thoughts left of anything, really. orientation is a blur. cg16/11. nationals. cheerleading. housecomm/tennis. titans. slcamp. thoughts/torture. family. friends. burned-out motivation. sparks of happiness in the darkest of hours. procrastination. pattaya. camp. what happened??

so happy for all the new years texts. i feel really blessed, maybe if i died right now, i would die contented. okay this life is kinda crazy. doing crazy stuff. going like crazy cows and all.

hmmm. and i just have to thank all you people who made tennis camp survivable for me. i really had bad vibes ever since i entered the train stn at kembangan and the mrt lady had to open up my bags cos i looked suspicious or something, lugging two haversacks through 20 green line stations, but that's not really the point!! it's just been gruelling, although looking back, it was kind of okay. survivable and enjoyable, since the passion is flickering like a candle. hypothetically speaking. and i'm glad i finally know. we all really got to train harder. instill a roaring great drive for all of us. the kc girls are the inspiration actually, training on the last night from dusk to dawn. (okay, from 8pm-12am + the day's training). i hope they will go very far. the other people won't know how much they deserve it until they see for themselves with their own pair of eyes. it's so admirable. and for us. i'm just thankful i've the bestest ever vice-capt there for me, even though i am whiny most of the time. and all the post-training laughter will be with me for a really long time too. and the texts and whatsapps from everyone (thank goodness for 3g) including my momma. they really helped me pull through emotionally, really. i don't even know how i could've gotten feeling so depressed and sucky throughout the 4 days. it doesn't seem like 2012. i think time stopped when i was in camp.

praise god for the pattaya trip, which made my otherwise emotionally-numb year all the more fruitful and enlightening. can't be more thankful for the health of my family too; god answered my prayers.

to all the gorges people here. to them i raise my glass *

2011 couldn't be two thousand and eleven without them, really.

♥

okay there are so many people who have shaped 2011 the way it was. so kudos to everyone i've met throughout the year. thankew for the acceptance \m/ HAHA

(in no particular order...)

POST TENNIS CAMP survivors.

AND SOUNDTRACK OF THE YEARRRRRR:

(uh uh siol~~~~)

EVEREHBAAAAAADEEHHHH.

o m g, what are pattaya bus rides without shots shots shots shots shots. ☻☻

surviving.

2011-12-26T07:27:00.001-08:00

camp. scared.

not to expect anything in return

2011-12-25T09:41:00.000-08:00

i would love to have that trait actually, because i'd always be the opposite.
so these days have gone by in a whirl, just like how 2011 seemed transient and untouched.

23: 6 gardenian gathering. good laughs and old friends. it's so great to see how everyone has blossomed with the help of ms chow's affectionate 'showers of blessings'. paige and gwen were all same old and i vaguely miss primary school. no one can ever forget how we can humiliate ourselves to the core like noobs!!
peninsular plaza after that with the bren. greatest bargainer ever. actually i learnt that from the night market in pattaya already heehee. so glad we got our bags. ♥

24: i don't remember. we had ribs and baked potatoes and a peanut butter log cake and christmas movies and it was all-american awesome. and mass at olps. i feel so blessed for getting the feel of christmas there, although it's so tiny like a manger. oh, and lots of whatsapping and emoji spammage.

25: happy breakfast + morning catch-up with foreveryang! so glad for that. and normal christmas over at popo's house. yay, like a christmas two years ago, without all those travelling. and then a dinner afterwards. and idk. xmas is xmas. even if those bummer thoughts had to share my brain vacancy for the entire day. idk, but i think i'm foolish. a really, really foolish dude.

2 days to camp, so one more precious day left to enjoy LLL cant think deeply now, so this post is very numerally.

chasing pavements

2011-12-18T23:50:00.000-08:00

there are some things i believe i have to believe haha and then there are like other things which are kinda hard to believe.
and i refuse to believe that---
idk, youuuuuuuu. but it's not that
still sick and headachey. don't really know what to do with life.

sunday

2011-12-17T21:54:00.000-08:00

the newspapers talked about parents who lavishly spend 10000 on a child's birthday party, and the child might not even be able to fully appreciate it, since he's such a tender age.
and contrasting this to the little orphans in pattaya, who attend classes but don't have parents to pick them up every evening from class, and take great joy in singing jingle bells to us when we were there. i think the disparity's unreal.

let's not spoil our chances okay?

/
hi, sorry for spoiling a perfect sunday for you guys. :'/

meds and restlessness

2011-12-17T10:12:00.000-08:00

because someone stolen the bike at ah yee's house yet again,
and we were fast forwarding the surveillance cameras to catch the culprit (but no evidence because the dude probably carried the theft out in the camera's blind spot)
and my mom speculated it could be spiritual orbs etc
and we talked about scary movies all the journey home
and my brother suggested we watch grave encounters just coz he's no balls to watch it, heh. (but really, no shiz.)
and my brave little sister was explaining to me how the plot of drag me to hell went (there is no fear in her bones at all)
me and her watched a very jerky 1.5 hour movie. but i am still scared sh*tless.

i guess i'm feeling a tad better after the 2 pills. other than that the day was unproductive and headthrobbing. gah. missed training again and wondering why i'm so *$&(@& weak.

i'm sorry for the unreplied texts, dashed plans and for not being healthier.

would you do something you don't enjoy

2011-12-14T20:32:00.000-08:00

but had to do it anyway for the sake of others-
would you?

"blessed are those who have acquired wisdom,
those who have acquired understanding!
gaining her is more rewarding than silver,
her yield is more valuable than gold.
she is beyond the price of pearls*;
nothing you could covet is her equal
in her right hand is length of days;
in her left hand, riches and honour.
her ways are filled with delight,
her paths all lead to contentment."

*the word pearls sound so sweet to say.
and i've been trying out the random- flipping- of- the- bible- verses- to- find- something- to enlighten- my- life- with thingy and i've not really found out anything life-changing, yet. but time will tell.

so this week was lovely to the point of heartwarming and nostalgic and all the positive feelings, kinda what i need right now. mbs wedding with boobs and furt and met up with monkeyoat and paige on separate occasions on the same day. they are all so so special, accepting and understanding people. weiofjgiwrioggnrjkwoirpoioj ☺☺☺

if you only knew how bad the state of things are right now, maybe you'd do something about it? can't do this alone.
or maybe this is just the pre-trng blues.

resplendent glory/ warriors.

2011-12-12T08:04:00.000-08:00

edge of glory.
{2985348694673969 papaya pics, FYEAHHHHHHH}

so today i was at oc with abi for cip and was talking to one of god's daughters, annie, whose son has muscular dystrophy. and it kinda reminds me of nui. and how this world isn't really right.
she was saying how singapore has come a long way in terms of graciousness in society. how through the campaigns, singaporeans have been made more aware of being gracious to each other (because we were commenting on how tough it was to promote the booth to the passers-by.) then i remember about how in pattaya, fr was talking about the other end of the spectrum- how singapore is really quite terrible, we are all living like robots; something along those lines, which i cannot disagree to. but, really, what has technology done to our psychological selves? we depend so much less on our loved ones to make us happy. it's all a vicious cycle- getting up and going on the internet, brother games with his earpieces on in total disregard to his surroundings almost entirely, sister never gets separated from her iphone and more often than not, the blaring tv blankets the silence of the house. everyone is just so hooked up and i can't say i'm an anomaly too and that worries me. one house, 5 universes.
so i guess this is what we're becoming?
but anyway, annie was nice to talk to. feels good to know that there are other catholics doing a part to mould this world into a happier place.

on a side (dish), abi and i had ewf and it was just sinful heaven. glutton on a plate. fattening but soulful. and the whole package was only the most amazing shiz ever!!
on another mayonnaise-filled side order. me no get me socks today, but the journey never ends, imma get my hands on rainbow socks one day!! hopefully next monday.
bye friends!! love you all

~knuckle touch~

2011-12-10T13:08:00.001-08:00

hot dayum, i'm missing pattaya like a child misses his pacifier.

i can see god everywhere in my life, so praise him, raise him up up up higher!!!!! without this trip... idk who or what i'd be.

looking at the lunar eclipse for that very brief minutes made me realise how media has overdramatised things and now to me, seeing little beautiful (& rare) moments like the lunar eclipse feels normal to me. i think we've failed to neglect to see life's wonders because to us, american movies made jaw-dropping equivalent to spectacular, unworldly graphics and effects.
it's no wonder you can only find god in the stillness of one's heart.

in other news on the not-so-awesome side, half of december is gone and my motivation for anything other than thinking hasn't really geared up yet. pray that the importance of education collides with all of us soon.
/missing the daily mass processions so badly. where's dinner and the fabulous fruit cocktail and the occasional 'magic tricks'!!

won't ever let this slip away.

2011-12-09T05:24:00.001-08:00

this nine days have been most surreal. best part was that we have 4000+ pictures to provide testament to this amazing experience. i feel so very affirmed of my faith as a catholic and really, without the prayers and intercessions and daily masses by father simon; without the chance to get close to the lord as an alter server for the very first time in my life on an international stage since singapore wants to be all old-fashioned.
and having the best sacrament of reconciliation in my life; i feel that if i don't do something for the needy now, i might have to live with a restless heart for a very long time. all that i've shared during reflections, i mean it and being eyes for the people- god's trying to tell us that we have a mission, to set singapore on fire with the love of god. all this spoken through his messenger, fr. simon, who is and always will be imo, the best priest ever. i actually listen to his homilies without drifting off as badly. or maybe there's just something about the stunning chapel. either way, i have this feeling and i'm embracing it for as long as i live.
i miss the bakery lady and her sweet voice and astounding cookies and toasty hot dogs, i miss greeting everyone in thai and seeing them smile, i miss acknowledging my family of ROME, i miss bren sheryl nat furt and magnum and the company and laughter. i miss nui because seeing her is already an inspiration in itself. it feels different now. i wanna go back to pattaya to hold the orphans and hug them.

being in singapore, i realise how mundane our lives are. being insensitive robotic and structured. never having the chance to really reach out.
there's just so much in pattaya. i feel quite empty now, yet there's a tinge of firmness in a sense that i know i'm going somewhere, going to do something and i don't wanna let father down, or the humanity of the singapore youth fall. it sounds impossibly ambitious but i hope i start somewhere. when one door closes another opens. i feel so heartened that i know what to do with my life; that it's not just all about facebook and having a social life. it's so much more, i can't even. and there are people in the mission like boob and knuckles and furt etc etc that made me inspired to lead with more compassion and heart. knuckles shows me how to love unconditionally like mother teresa. it's hardcore and amazing, how one can love so tirelessly. #salutesgratefully.

i will read my reflections over and over to get hold of the emotions in pattaya from room 315 to all over the redemptorist orphanage and beyond. thanks to so many people for this amazing experience. yes, i can say with conviction that they'll know we are christians by our love. and some part of me thinks that this trip may have actually saved my life, in an emotional manner. praise the lord, and amen to that.

♥♥♥

bon voyage!

2011-11-30T11:18:00.001-08:00

secret thanks to parents for making this trip a possibility, and friends for accompaniment throughout these nine days;
really hope everything goes well/ life's perspective changes radically. can't help but feel..J . i woke up from a siesta feeling like it was christmas (before that was the feeling that i wished i had gotten up earlier). this year feels totally different but i can't place a finger on whether it's a good change or a bad one.

+ best bowl of pontian wanton mee for dinnzzz heh #foodappreciation

bye i'll be leaving for pattaya in a bit!!
forever grateful for the well-wishes.

and thanks for trying. JJ

days of our lives.

2011-11-29T09:04:00.001-08:00

could've had a castle and wore a ring,
but no, you let me go.

i could've been a princess, you'd be a king

could've had a castle and wore a ring,
but no, you let me go.

and stole my star, lalalalalalala.

HI GUYS THIS IS MY ENEMY, SHE'S CALLED JESVINDER KAUR AND SHE FOUND OUT THERE WAS A FLY IN HER INDIAN FOOD.

ONE MORE DAY!!!!! and my bag is still empty. (omg, right.)

i wish our departure hall is as pretty as t2, but it's budget. hehe, still psyched!!

yellow

2011-11-28T14:35:00.001-08:00

2 more days, guys!!!!!!

thanks for another crazy wonderful day. J

PF REUNITESSSS

2011-11-27T07:43:00.001-08:00

back from the tanamera, really had a blast today;

maybe the happy thoughts just seem to resound in my mind, but i'm so thankful for double steamboats in a row for the weekend with a bunch of really different but amazing people in my life.
family for the first day and pf tonight, with a whole bunch of laughs and crazy red faces.
especially tonight, because it's really cool how everyone although we havent really spoke in ages still have similarities and there's never a dry moment, really. and so. much. food. (bliss♥)
frking epic how tough it was to solve the games and sheryl being all clueless and just lots of food to dump into the steamboat and wow even though the last time i ever met up with them was this:

everyone seems... home-y. there's no other word for it, omg. for people like these in my life, i really am grateful!!!!!

plus i'm really quite excited about pattaya papaya because i can't wait to be enlightened and my parents went for the briefing (which i'm really thankful for too heh, so everyone gets reassured and everything gets settled) and fr. simon's words which really get me motivated, like how it's just really worth it if one makes the slightest difference in the world. this trip equates to the experience it provides, and how God's word will be spread through us is a truly mighty thing. i only wish i can remain dedicated and unfaltering in my faith in every step of the way and try to -as cliched as it might go- make a difference to the world. i can't wait to see how this trip can make a change in my life. i really need some change right now.
and how supportive mummy and daddy are is really a plus point. i'm so grateful for their support and i kinda think it was the titans incident and that was officially the suckiest day of life by far. but after that things were kinda okay. idk, this day kinda brings back a whole lot of memories. this day is really kinda cool cos everything seems so right & everything is okay. (and of course, there'd always be this haunting need to have better prioritizing skills...)

i also wonder occasionally, if that slight change in my life perspective has anything to do with this strange emotion. i need time for thinking and i really wish i can just set my priorities straight.

bren, jo, sheryl, furt, eliz, sa, karen, nat, dan, mao, shaun, jude;
thank you tonssssss for this smashing steamboat dinner, and the marvelous cupcakes, and the laughs, and shots shots shots shots shots \o/

☺☺☺
☺ █ ☺
☺☺☺

LET'S DRINK TO THAT.

!@#$

2011-11-26T07:42:00.001-08:00

splints. :(
i'm going to let everyone down, crapppppp.

love remains the same

2011-11-25T20:34:00.001-08:00

when i was running in sneaky ninja mode at night and running the night away in perfect recluse. i re-realised this song again and i love it very very much. makes for good running.

dysfunctional.

2011-11-25T20:28:00.001-08:00

i need mounds of clothes; i haven't bought a single piece since....... eons LL

if only we'd tried harder. thanks to family for a nice yesterday.

ogl was fun, brenda's mushroom hair!!!!!! thanks b, jess, lyn, hc people for a lovely day. J ♥♥

random rainy day

2011-11-24T08:54:00.001-08:00

life is cool; in a blessed kinda way.
so many stuff going on, the thoughts come resurfaced then go away in a blink, it's so hard to catch them and paste them here.

my thoughts destroy me, kinda like:

idk, kinda.
it's just me being a sulky old twat.
yay, i secretly hope everything goes well tomorrow!! guess who's being awesome and playing tennis with me tomorrow :')

gotta get my life in place then move on again/

i can skip now! i hope it stays that way; trainings have consisted of... lots of h2o lately. it's the weather, it's malfunctioning like it shouldn't be!!

yesterday was coach elwyn's birthday, happy birthday coach!! i really appreciate you, your advice and your patience. i really hope we can get something next year, we will work hard!

had a nice talk w/ sinhui that day after cancelled training and it was nice. hey sin hui, if you're reading this, then hi!! i don't think i will revive twitter any time soon, only if i remember. stay strong, this will resolve itself with time. (pray we survive trainings)!!

& today at macs we concocted a curry solution from coffee creamer, tons of corn syrup, two packets of grape jam, a few clumps of margarine, pepper, salt, chilli and ketchup. basically everything we could get our hands on. and huiting tasted it and i hope she's not constipating, cuz it kinda was bubbling and everything!!!!

only eleven months in this school and my english has already deteriorated at an exponential rate. ggggah.

yeah, sometimes you think you're trying to hard and then you stop thinking it's rational but to others it might not be and the world then ends up confused and your feet starts hurting and so does your throbbing head.
nightttttt

OK HAPPY DAY!!

HI WE WERE ONCE CEDARIANS.

2011-11-22T04:28:00.001-08:00

Diane Arbus once said, “A photograph is a secret about a secret. The more it tells you, the less you know.”

these things make me smile!!!!! and my nails are like edward cullen's face, sparkly.
feelin' okay.

wow, i found my orientation period blog, and the bit about how i despised being in this dreary old heck of a green school. but i'm so thankful that happy endings. my heart's thankful for the people, and everything. i must work harder, but other than that, i can't be more thankful.



2011-11-21T11:18:00.001-08:00

THANKS, BJ. JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ

it's gonna be here forever~

HAHAHAHAHAH, K.

(†)

2011-11-21T05:06:00.001-08:00

some divine intervention would be nice. LLL

amazing sunday, thanks to great team and friends. i had a dream, and i feel jumbled up right now.
i swear, if you opened up to me i'd do the same to you.

screwed.
~~~~memories are supposed to fade, but what's wrong.~~~~
waves waves waves
O I SAW BLUBBER YESTERDAY!! while i was heaving and panting like an asthmatic dog, no offense to all asthmatic dogs out there.

HAHAHAHA OMG SO DIFFERENTTTTT.

playing with lightning

2011-11-19T08:23:00.001-08:00

burnt til i can't blink my eyes w/o hurting hahaha
ate a cake and 4 cookies
worst stamina e v e r
waking up at 6.15am tomorrow for a run at the beach
should be sleeping
tomorrow is sunday
we're never content with our lives!!!!!!!
need some enlightenment
my face is so hot oh shieeeet. i think you can cook eggs on it
glad glad glad wonderful people in life
xx
wrote you a letter, prolly shouldn't be thinking too much though!!
roar

wreckkko

2011-11-18T08:37:00.001-08:00

J training, managed to hit 238 rallies on the first try!! way surpassed expectations and the weather's too nice today and training was fun, in a way, i love my team. i hope we don't die during holiday training. we've really gone through quite a bit and improved. go team go!!!! ♥♥♥
too much thoughts in my mind, sometimes i wish i just didn't think. so maybe we've gone through some changes through the year? & if you asked i wouldn't know how to answer. maybe not the person i (once) knew. or or or maybe it's just me (spam spam spam exclamation marks) ((lots of em))
christmas is creeping in, the christmas tree at parkway is already lighted up!! dinnered with sh and we talked!!!!! it's been really, really long. L then met goon and strawberry girl at sogurt oh no -hate to go all economics but- consumer utility for sogurt has gone down down down just like the diminishing amount of yoghurt at every visit, oh nooooooo.

but i love sogurt, it's like a tiny room with girly tables and white-washed walls in a total world of its own. we owned it today!! the only other visitors were grannies hehe.

i really wish i could stop hoping. just, really. kinda tired of myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 where are the people i miss the people a lot. last night was an (emotional) blast. i miss those days, reminiscent of sec 3. sleepless nights and fighting demons.

i wish☼h☼h☼h☼h☼h☼h☼h☼h☼h☼h☼h☼h☼h☼h- screw this!
FOR A THOUSAND YEARS.

life is a (supposed to be) a g******ed happy affair!!!!

life's going to be okay.

2011-11-17T06:03:00.001-08:00

~~fxxk~~ L what am i doing. everyone's got their own demons and i hate to think that i'm the only one trying. everyone is & life is goddarn tough.

but i still got to stay happy, for the things that matter most. thank you. there's so much more to life than this, being sad. lots more.

be happy more, world. confide in family more, world. i'm half hoping you'd read this. don't be sad, world. yeah so maybe our class is gender-segregated, but jasmine goon will save the day!!!!!! J

ps: wooh, class girls so affectionate

jas: "i'm touched max rebs kiss kiss"

jodi: :):) love you :) <3

love burgeons hehehe

and sometimes you don't really ask for anything.

c o m p l e t e

what?

2011-11-16T08:03:00.001-08:00

daayum i feel so self-ctred now daayum. i'm screwing myself front right centre, left right all over. i've been a tad bit happier much thanks to wonderful people who work in wondrous ways. maybe i really think so frkin much, i should stop right now. angry with myself damn this.

i actually talked, like talked to my sister today and it feels special because we haven't had a proper conversation since. ever. and lunch today was epic oh yeh!! hardcore trng hardcore trnggggggggg. pain is temporary i've yet to feel right pain suck it up rebecca adssdkjgrijoiwpqovnk. horrible pulling the team down noo. nooo.
must stop thinking forever. dreading tmrw.
//
i'm so happy now i think i kind of forgot why i was upset in the first place. let it stay this way. shoot shoot shoot for the stars. happiest moments make moments happy.

dreams

2011-11-15T15:54:00.001-08:00

(ok but for a lack of a better pic)

will these things die eating watermelon?????????? bcos i dreamt that people threw in watermelon in their tank and started floating or sinking which is kind of a scary thought right now.

tc b∞bs, take care, plese. ;-;

♥

2011-11-14T11:10:00.001-08:00

i have loved you/ for a thousand years.

#contented. but then, who can ever be contented at the maximum, because the only direction you can go, is down down down. so imma try not to be so contented, but actually, i kinda am right now. peaceee.

the sunday times

2011-11-13T10:29:00.001-08:00

mylo xyloto omg i kinda want to have to get that album very very much. happy birthday nelly furtado! this sunday was cool as heck. with the miniature bowls of joojoo japanese rice and hopping over to sogurt to laugh on the red couch.

i don't know, i kind of miss long texts. nowadays, things are falling short sometimes, including text words or maybe i just care too much for the randomest things. like how i'm afraid my brain would overtire from thinking too much, just basically a whole billow of thought bubbles crashing crashing crashing, overworking.

if only i could read minds; or at least understand a sliver about the mind's complexities. i really do wish i can stop thinking so much.

yeah ok seriously in all honesty i wish i could understand some people (who idr understand atm. self-conflicting and exasperating)

so now i can't really get a hold of life........ i'm living meaninglessly? i guess. i don't pray as much; and i feel so lethargic i fall mega short on things to say at home. not like there's any negative vibes around here. uncertainty. gotta save up for clothes soon. how do we make a change in the world? looking forward to pattaya because hopefully it can give me some enlightenment in perspective.

so i studied with breadfish today, and we did everything and anything but. BUT, it was still mega-ultra-super-astoundingly productive. i realise i was born to be a full-fledged listener. it's nice to hear people talk sometimes. when i was young, i actually thought i'd lose it as age grew together with me, but nope, it's still holding strong! so glad. and kinda worried all the same. gah, i am but idk how to face it b. SIGHOKAYOKAY, keep moving forward.

it's never to late to turn it back around.

the only way is up, up, up.

can there really be a fair world? ok brain stop thinking stop thinking, grr.

herein lies the leftover pictures from sushi day. forty plates of sushi and lots of laughs. :) :) :) post-op day turned out awsmmm.

when you lose something you can't replace.

2011-11-10T11:54:00.001-08:00

i don't really know what to add here. browsed through the old pictures and everything's sorta rekindled, like the good times, bad and dark emotions, inferiority, over-sensitivity, uncertainty. i was a crazy girl.
i am really really grateful for everyone who has come into frequent contact with me during the past two years. it was the toughest part of life on the inside. thanks for loving me even though i really couldn't do so myself.

i know i was fighting demons all night and now, it's much better than before, it really is. it seems like i can see a little bit clearer now, but i'm still not all that perfect and everything.

but thank you.

browsed through the really old pictures, good times last long.

b & j. there's really too much love there. like especially in the past years............

nalgene: the bottle that is unbreakable ~

xy. the vivocity talk really made me bare it all. it's really quite amazing. :'( miss seeing her aroundd.

table partners, whom i should've cared more for, but they still did, for me. four years, four years.

debzzzz. crazy smart kid who made the years good. hehe, fisheyes, disturbing rugay, annoying each other, talking poop on endless occasions. standing at the bottom of the movie poster actor's crotch with min, hmm... hehe.

blubber, for all the insane (k, not really!!) spazzes and hthts and happy days. and pretty good sleepover!!

sam, who laughed a whole lot with me every timeee :)

xh for retarded texts and everything. tuition was never tuition!!

locked away in memories :'( i think there's a bajillion other people. cedar wouldn't have been great if any of them were out of my life.

and currently, vivilily and her crazy keyboard spasms. hate you girl!!! xxx it's veli veli fun to see you around school man!!

p.s: THANK GUDNES FOR CAMERAS AND FACEBOOK. it's quite reassuring that these stuff will never leave me.

p.s.s: lots. to. do. poop.

p.s.s.s: tell me what's uppppppppppp!! sometimes i get too tired to move. obesity in my genes, friend!

p.s.s.s.s: i have raped the replay button of coldplay's fix you. i really wouldn't mind mylo xyloto right now. they are freaking amazing. that song has been with me for a few days and i never ever get tired of any part of it.

LILEH.

2011-11-08T08:55:00.000-08:00

rebecca is quite important for her enemy. ^^

hi les kaur!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel so loved, i knew you always felt that way, how enemies hate it other!!!

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE, AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER. (and lump them like ol' lumpy hehe)

i think my keypads will spoil if i talk to you every night hehe, hate you enemy, get well soon eh!

life

2011-11-06T06:50:00.000-08:00

wow, someone's life is only worth one song. okay even though it's fix you and it really truly is amazing but what must be going through her mind before that i'm sorry i really can't comprehend. to end your life because your mind tires is not a really smart way to die. i believe God has planned greater things in future for us. (cool priest at holy fam today hehe)
so if one song is able to change one's decision to live or die, thennnnnnnnn. imo it's not very smart right? lives are worth more than words strung together with melody.

extremely antisocial. :'( after op's over. can't wait.

i want to run i am well already, everyone!!

fix you/ paradise/ radio on repeat repeat repeat.

sights.

2011-11-05T09:12:00.000-07:00

want to go back there again! experiencing new culture is always good for the soul ♥

tears streaming down your face

2011-11-03T07:34:00.000-07:00

so i guess tomorrow will be better;

/lights will guide you home and ignite your bones.

1,2,3

2011-11-02T09:43:00.000-07:00

i'm feeling quite tired, thinking and all. nvm.

anyway, hi brend. :')

I've been working hard so long

Seems like pain has been my only friend

My fragile heart's been done so wrong

I wondered if I'd ever heal again

Ohh just like all the seasons never stay the same

All around me I can feel a change (ohh)

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

Leave the past behind me, today my life begins

A whole new world is waiting it's mine for the takin'

I know I can make it, today my life begins

Yesterday has come and gone

And I've learnt how to leave it where it is

And I see that I was wrong

For ever doubting I could win

Ohh just like all the seasons never stay the same

All around me I can feel a change (ohh)

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

Leave the past behind me, today my life begins

A whole new world is waiting it's mine for the takin

I know I can make it, today my life begins

Life's too short to have regrets

So I'm learning now to leave it in the past and try to forget

Only have one life to live

So you better make the best of it

:'( this song is so you. it's so darn apt. :( :( :( :( i'm scared.

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :( 'today my life begins.' ~~please dont start a new life~~

there are some stuff that matter right now, and some that needs to be forgotten.
bad, bad times, these days are.
f this. how is it possible that coldplay comes out with all of their amazing vids (read: strawberry swing) which are like stop-motion heaven. why are they so beautiful. how can songs be so apt right now?!?! i think it's the hormones. really i think so.

pomegranate.

2011-10-31T07:49:00.000-07:00

miracle ok!!

transparent brahahaa

end of chinese i hope!!!
eighteenchefs lunch with the J^3 + H + E
daiso and presents-hunting
cool stuff with joy
gongcha with the rugaygay!!!!!!! and many many scary movie synopsis(es). awesome sauce!
mass with bren, furt + friend
dinner with bren, furt + friend

post-promos is crazy hectic. no sniffles won't pull me down!!!!!!!! today's a good day.

happy birthday

2011-10-29T19:21:00.000-07:00

this is for the girl who's worth more cattle than the golden magical beanstalk seeds.
worth more gold than rumpelstiltskin's weaving.
more water molecules than the arctic ocean.
more paper than singapore used for its annual written report drafts.
more rare than the rhino.
hornier than unicorn horns.
the girl who can handle my annoyances and occasional upsets and disappointments.
the girl who's been holding strong for too long.
someone like familyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

hbd ∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥

forever is a long time.

2011-10-29T19:09:00.000-07:00

ranted.
i hate it how other peoples' thoughts govern the way i think and the way i act of myself. i hate the fact that i get so easily affected and over-sensitive and how i can't think properly for myself. i want to block stuff out, just like how i did in the past.
i hate it how i'm never going to achieve anything in life because everything weighs me down just because i let them. currently i'm angry with myself because i let your actions affect me although they aren't supposed to. i hate being over-sensitive. it doesn't seem like it!!!!!!!!!! i hate it that whenever i'm alone and i'm not focused and everything just hits me and then i get tired over nothing, just because of my thoughts. how can thoughts be so taxing? or is it just because i let them govern me and actions like a puppet on strings?

i'm supposed to be strong. everyone has their own demons in their heads. why does mine seem so huge. tomorrow's chinese As and i can't focus. it's just going to be another disappointment all over again. because of my mind. what a stupid reason. my heart's so easily swayed. so disappointed with myself. and that's not even taking into account how much lao shi actually put in for me. like she sacrificed so much even though an A/B grade is unattainable with my standards. she made an effort to have extra lessons with me until the evenings and every single time i never learn. that gratitude gets washed away and ignored, only to become convoluted and guilt-saturated now. the paper's tomorrow, but i think i already know the outcome.

ffff it. from tomorrow onwards, i don't want to be the person i am today. i need to make an effort, like i'm actually worth something in this world.
ever since cat class stopped, i've forgotten how to pray and listen during mass, even though the priest may get boring sometimes. ever since childhood, i've become a bitter wuss and forgotten how to treat family. it's a hard ongoing battle. still. it's only a silent movie around the house nowadays. even on weekends with my relatives. and i forgot how to talk to my cousin. my sister is being more mature and accepting than i am even though she's way younger.

i don't want to change for people. :( right now, i don't want to disappoint people. not when they've put in more effort than i have. time to wipe the tears and figgggggght. steadfast and strong like a soldier. i don't even know. i just need to be worth something. i gotta stop giving in. i gotta work for myself. i don't have to care what others think. i just have to care for those who matter to me. :/

hbd

2011-10-26T06:53:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY POST TO JODI ONG QI ZHEN

hapz master and frequent jogging buddy

ages and ages agoooooo. i love browsing through old pictures ahaha joy's spex

again and again and again plez

and to my senior with the same starting alphabet,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOSE!! sorta miss competition season with seniors, in a way. can't imagine how crazy it'll be like next year. luckily will still have sin hui and ket and ken and ben.

light a way.

2011-10-26T06:20:00.000-07:00

"so where should we put our cards?"

"in our asssssssssssshole."

that was probably the dumbest answer ever but at least it generated the most laughs. watching time go past me, like a passenger in the train. like wind past my skin.

with project work almost drawing to a complete close (and hopefully with a happy ending)
chinese a levels soon; (so much to thank lao shi for.)
the year's drawing to a close. i don't want bangkok to flood!!!!!!!!11

there's some beauty in life, and we all should cherish it. you can proudly say that you've been part of something special. although i haven't really been there much, we can talk about it. ☻☻☻ meet up soon aerilynn ash nish!

speak

2011-10-23T09:21:00.001-07:00

i've heard so many words

but i have no courage

now we're saying goodbye

don't want to miss you tonight

oh, tell me it's not over now

i can change your mind somehow

i give it all

i trip and fall for you

and I hope you wouldn't mind

just one more try for something new

i need you,

don't be shocked if I cry

you've changed me inside

i turned my back on you

you were the only reason i pulled through

tell me it's not over now

i can change your mind somehow

my head feels so heavy

my heart is so empty

da blenda

2011-10-23T07:06:00.001-07:00

hahahahha, cheers me up. :')

blenk

2011-10-22T18:56:00.000-07:00

crimes against humanity; i mean what has the world gotten itself into when compassion is a crime and money is worth more than lives? is this the time when God will send his messiah to save those who believe and wipe out the rest like in the Bible? what a scary thought.

it's sunday and i'm still thinking very hard about the whole ogl thing. wishes.

INSTANT GRATITUDE

2011-10-21T03:05:00.000-07:00

hazel gains my full respect and pwns rocks, socks, stones, oceans, octopi, bones, cones, gnomes (+ other unrelated nouns) just for that. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

i'm so grateful for the class girls (well, um, those that matter at least; hope you know who you are!!!!!)
and together we will fight the forces of evil. or if not so, then the forces of unreasonability and unfairness. i was both shocked and scared at first, but i decided to feel thankful instead because the xx chromosomes are just really really nice, like they understand. haha, so nice.

i feel like i'm taking everything for granted now though. sorry if you feel that way.
been sleeping for more than ten hours each day and afraid to show it........... and the results have just been a bulk of disappointment. i deserve it all, so no sympathy.

how's life? life's been like. that.
i've actually sorta forgot how i was like a few months ago. comparably happier, maybe?
yeah, why can't i be more in control of my life, instead of letting it spiral into nothingness like the spirally mosquito coil. wish i felt that slap earlierrr

leap of faith.

2011-10-19T04:40:00.000-07:00

idk what i'm doing. hm ok, remain firm in my actions.

bass down lowwwwww.

2011-10-18T06:10:00.000-07:00

oh gosh i have this picture too. :-)

anyway, hello love. these times are hard right? and i feel your pain. and i'm always not the best comforter around or anything, but i love you tons!!!!!!! and you're one of those people that makes tj feel like home; or more of a home.

don't you give up, yknow the world needs more people like you. don't think of wasting your life away, or anything. you've got talent budding and you don't see it but others do. neglect oversensitivity, i think that's how to be happy.? i think. ☻

you know my chinese text has this chapter, which says not to think of what others think of you; don't change because of what others think. that's kinda the main point! and that's what my lao shi taught me today. hahaha but don't judge me, i'll paaaaaaaaup paaaaaaaaup my lips whenever i see you around k. just kidding.

omg it's been really long since we meet up right??? but i'm glad we did, cos then you can let it out. then you can be back on the road towards happiness. be happy for the littlest achievements okay? and if you ever need a happy person to taint you with a little bit of saturated happiness, you know where to look. i know these are tough times, but just throw away your emotions, and really, sleep early.

okay this sounds like a whole lot of nagging and commanding but.......... . . . you can do this. see, of course you can. you survived freaking promos!!!! the p word that just sucks and is fugly and you did it even though you thought you couldn't but you did, you did and that in itself is already an accomplishment to be celebrated.

i'm really not the happiest person, and i am fat. but anyhoo. ily still. ;) ♥♥♥

wowee, kinda forgot how much i missed blogging til now. til more/

What it really is.

2011-10-11T16:10:00.000-07:00

*puts the sparkle in suffering.*

disclaimer: please do not eat!!!! nor put your finger in hehe, but give it a good shake and turn it upside down, because the glitter clumps together.

happy seventeenth! (L)

-

2011-10-10T01:46:00.000-07:00

i always fall short. and it is a tiring thing.
i don't want to tell myself that i've tried hard, because life is like that. unfair and unjustifiable. even if i did feel so, i know i'd just feel more pain.

so i don't want to feel anything right now.
i don't know if i retain. of course i don't want to. i know i tried. i disappoint.

can't think now. just going all out. drive the stake into my heart to end it all. i don't know why i disappoint myself all the time.
nvm

now there's no more fun anymore. cue to focus. :(

love to all my kawan-kawan. this sh*t sucks but. hope.

plans.

2011-10-09T03:25:00.000-07:00

planned already. got it nicely planned out.
i only wish everything would be fine and things would go the way i want them to.

just
this
once.

and maybe other times too, but. this. THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sunday morning post.

2011-10-08T21:45:00.000-07:00

had fun yesterday. (insert spammage of tanned smileys. ☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻)

i want to do something that can enrich my life..... ahaha thinking in process. too tired to care about things that i shouldn't care about. sense?

pw... don't do much but i'm sick of it already. it's hard to be the only one (ok with the exception of sometimes shirley pushing for deadlines initiating frking meetups?!?!?!?!?! wth group leader. arghhhhhhh.)

that's all. leaving at 2 for novena. hope i can be out of singapore on dec 1st. hope all my plans fall nicely into schedule. hope i can listen more intently for homily. hope i will have a big a heart as my sister.

okay okay, really look like some malay shirt thing oops. #unracist

can't really find anywhere else to put these, so.

so fuggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggz bleh bleh

focus focus focus focus focus focus focus focus.

PAIGE LIM

2011-10-07T12:46:00.000-07:00

omg read this and tell me your blog link please. love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(
it's somewhere in my mind, i can't find it.
:(
imy

3.17

2011-10-07T12:44:00.000-07:00

don't know what's gotten into me,

why i feel this way.

can we dance real slow?

can i hold you, can i hold you close?

i'm afraid that if i don't say much, you might be hurt in other ways. how come it's so difficult to speak your heart now? til' then i'll still be thinking.

i'm so proud of you, and really very touched too. you really really realllllllllllllllllly give it your all and your sincerity really shows. you know what, i'm going to decide not to think of what others think of you, 'cos i know deep down you're the nicest person i've ever known. hope all goes well.

had gongcha with jas joy. poor joy. she's far too nice, she really is. she only gets affected by the smallest things because her heart's too big. and she's too nice. spent time laughing. miss the rest cos we never properly go for a gongcha date. <dee you owe me your time hahaha>

and holy. going for training in about five hours time. feeling the jitters as usual. i realised i have always been like so, ever since. more than 365 days ago. pray all goes well tomorrow. pray, pray, pray. must focus more on tennis must run more must improve my stamina by leaps and bounds mustn't let anyone down must get the jackets done for the seniors asap :( fuuu, disappointment.

yeah i guess that's all in my mind for now. it's killing me, the things i don't say. courage is something you for in a leader. courage is something i don't have, yet.
can't figure out what's more important, trainings? pw? ~~social lifeeee?~~
maybe i should let you go, leave you alone. i don't know how else to do this. what could make you happier? i don't know.

don't wanna look to you in admiration. you don't even care anymore okay. and it makes me sad, so screw this.

the room's hush hush and now's our moment.

eyes on you, eyes on me,

we're doing this right.

nebulas make me happy. pew pew pew pew pew pew pew
spontaneously singing someone like you/ jar of hearts/ rolling in the deep during pw lessons and with everyone doing it, when you know they too are fumbling over pw, kinda makes me happy too.

▼

2011-10-04T10:33:00.000-07:00

i'm not like everyone else, i'm sorry.
i'm prone to over-thinking,
prone to inferiority.

and these always always hits the hardest at midnight. maybe dreams intercept reality and everything starts to go loopy.

i wanna be like everybody else. it'd kinda make a good song lyric, but too true to deny!!!!
got to appreciate the things i have around me. but sometimes you just can't help but wonder, right?

our lives are so different. in mind- distance, that's miles apart.
don't know when i'll sleep. ho hoho.

♣♣♣♣ oh gourdy; i refuse to believe, still. i can't. not a single bit. conflicted omgosh have to talk to someone about it.

writing virtual mail to aeril now, and promising people i'll send texts in a minute. → true when phone's in general mode ^^
anyone need virtual mail, just!!!!!!!!!!!

stagnant, non-productivity right now. my diary and i will survive the tough times together. somehow.

the rooms hush hush and now's our moment.

2011-10-04T10:10:00.000-07:00

POST-PROMOS.
don't want to have to go through turmoil again. i'm dead beattt.

jo was singing it in all tunes and tones and -insert music jargon-, and this was the song.

eyes on you,
eyes on me.

and every heart in the room will melt
this is a feeling i've never felt.

french place with the vespaaaa ^^v

♥,♥

abi and her food fetishes.

thanks for wonderful friendzzzzzz, Lord. ☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻/

i also shared harcore regular 10' stuffed crust pizza with ong jodi, because we can enjoy ourselves in that way.

'dinnered' with b∞bs at t3!!!!!! wanna love the airport more. skytrain and slideee.

then dad got back from bhutan which is the most amazingest place with a happiness index which seems to make much more sense than the gross domestic product (gross iorgjwioejfn)

and they're environmentally friendly and use paper paper paper bags.

"how come they line their clothes outside?"

"that's not their clothes, that's the prayer cloth"

"oh ok"

idk la i've been thinking. just thinking.

fxcx thoughts.

does the pain weigh out the pride

2011-10-02T23:22:00.000-07:00

one. more. day.
hold through, everyone.

is everything gonna carry on normally from the time it stopped?

okie, tired.

there's no greater love.

2011-09-30T10:43:00.000-07:00

four. more. days.

nine- eleven and me.

2011-09-29T05:23:00.000-07:00

read time magazine in the middle of the night, trying my best to burn my papers with the midnight oil. angsty, gritty, irritable--- anyway, the 9/11 issue was really something.
lyzbeth glick best's interview; please read it. it's the most relate-able and hence saddest story ever. it just tore out part of my heart. the people of 9/11, there were like normal people, like us just american. living real lives. having real families and the events that happened on that day. it really took a lot out of them.
and previously, i secretly felt that the americans shouldn't really dig up the past ever so often. it's unfair that the middle-easterns would naturally have a bad image, stereotypes exist in this world.
nonetheless, wow, i don't understand times articles like more than half the time, but this one really gave me a new vantage point on things.

anyway, happy sept 14th.

Gravity like a lunar landing

2011-09-26T05:38:00.000-07:00

can't keep away because i'm weak like that.

things i wish to do:

be more grateful to my friends who have kept me sane and. just, sane.
no jealousy. thing is, i don't even technically know you yet everything you do affects me. is this weird???? why am i acting in such weird ways? it's like everything you do is a shotgun to my heart. yeah. i must have been knocked out of my senses somehow.

actually the above point makes me confused is all.
other than that, one more 24 hours separates me from the first day of promos. hows far we've ventured into 2011 already. and i still can remember orientation and further back.

studied at church yesterday with b, j at sea avenue and it was really good because it was a quiet air-conditioned place and it feels like home because church feels homey- somehow. hopefully we survive promos together. only want the best for them :( and first time eating at that wanton mee stall even though i've passed it countless times in my life. like, literally countless times and i think it's been there since the 1980s or something. thanks furt thanks eliz thanks andrew.

p o s t p r o m o s .
/hope.

beats.

2011-09-24T04:15:00.000-07:00

already thinking of post- promos. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. zero concentrate. pulpy orange juice.}
neo-prints, paige, xy, tennis, life life life life life life.

2011-09-23T21:39:00.001-07:00

FEW MORE DAYS.
/survive.
everything you do. it makes me smile.
:(

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHEN ABIGAIL

2011-09-22T06:53:00.000-07:00

i wouldn't have as much fun with any other cedarian. thanks to luck for having you there during the og times to make it happy and memorable. we certainly been through a lot. loving the laughs we share with like everyone we meet love the class love your occasional blonde epic momentz.

picture spam, more with our class plz hehe love you

HAPPY SEVENTEETH!!!!!!!

x-ray kakjgiowjigj (machine sounds)

2011-09-20T06:08:00.000-07:00

the doctor's way of telling me my legs are a-okay:
close to five-hour waiting time at the different blocks at sgh.
doctor losing my x-ray images so dad had to walk quite a bit to retrieve hard copy, etc.
but grateful that he wasted so much time with me at the hospital and sacrificed work for it.

waiting is never good for the soul. like i'd rather wait five hours in tokyo disneyland for the jurassic park ride on a cold winter day on a weekend. which is true.
anyhow,
but this experience kinda motivates me to want to do good for society. albeit it being disgustingly noble-like and probability zero. i must have the will. which i don't, right now. disappointing myself.

okay i'm blogging so often at the wrong time it scares me.

onward, friends.
can't give up now.
okay, hiatus. <- which makes it official.

hold strong.

2011-09-19T03:10:00.000-07:00

feet video has inspired us all to use our feet to do stuff. my feet will not cramp. feet cramps are embarrassing, hahaha. lok used his foot to pick up his correction tape. #amazing!!!
~
i'll do whatever it takes
to turn this around
i know what's at stake
i know that I've let you down
anyhoo, congrats to all those vj kids celebrating their butts off cos promos ended for them. it must be feeling so darn good.
two more weeks then i'll see how i will react. pw's a chore!!!!! worse than sweeping floors. which is an actual chore.
pw is utter torture.

b∞bs.

the greatest most precious thing that was lost is our friendship. start over?

Don't ever forget, we haven't lost it all yet.

2011-09-16T03:53:00.000-07:00

i read that ted baker's desired epitaph is 'not to be for cotton'. for-cotton. forgotten. that's quite punny, isn't it. since he's such an amazing talented fashion designer.
and andy warhol's art is ubiquitous and amazing and all-too-familiar, just that today's a revelation.

avoid me, because i think i might be reverting back to my old bitter heart. selfish, uncaring and thinking too much for my own good. and sometime's it's just not really good.

what will i be when i grow up.
it just seems like a huge loss. sorry, can't really get over it.

cheers to the good old days.

2011-09-14T05:15:00.000-07:00

THE SEC3 TIMES. CTRL C + CTRL V FROM BOOB. i think blog memories are the best things that ever existed. one day i will read all my posts. from sec 2, three, four. now. yeah. take out your poms poms now, let's ruffle the feathers and wipe the dust off the old wooden table. jk, let's go insane. only we won't keep it in, we'll bring it out. outsane.

if today was my last day;i'll run, for me..

it was a

RED

HOT

SEXY

car.

nah, just kidding,

so we gave rebs a bra.

eeee, where are the pictures?

*looks around*

very sick,

went church; suprised rehbooby(:

went doctor,

gave MC.

but i'll still go to school.

Life's yours to mold,

Destiny's in your hands.

Life's what you make it,

so make it great.

"If you could live forever, what would you live for?"

If today was your last day

If tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?would you make your mark?

live life, like you're never living twice.

Each day's a gift and not a given right.

"Life's not about surviving the storm, it's about dancing in the rain."

"Courage is when you know you're licked, but you still begin anyway."

i think i do too.

"seize the day."

HM01.

2011-09-14T05:06:00.000-07:00

maybe i'm not cut out for this. lots of people could have done it better than i am doing now.
give me time to prove myself? mmmmmmmmmmh. is it wrong to doubt yourself.
okay, after promos it's really time to improve the game. my game, and hopefully, everyone's game. i can't bear to leave the team with empty promises. i have to try. i have to. and do well for promos, too.
fighting. everyone, please let's just fight our battles together. not against each other, 'cos that would suck.

sin hui, thanks for always being there and being helpful all the time. sorry if i disappoint you. i got to get my act together! hope slcamp will improve our spirit. :-) lots to say, yet nothing much haha, irony of life!

abi.jas.jodi.joy.lyn. my favourite class girls ♥ hahahaha, twenty... five? days to our muchly anticipated lunch!! class is a bore w/o you guys. and you always care hehe thank you.

BRENDA. you need sleep, pronto. people get fat when they don't sleep (case in point) ((okay but i still sleep quite a fair bit!)) please don't die young uh.

Press on, like the cookie cutter on cookie dough.
i will still feel sad no matter what. never laughed as much as compared to the younger months of the year. miss it. kinda. just, kinda. happy life-living, friend.

:>

2011-09-11T13:07:00.000-07:00

oh my blimey.

2011-09-10T12:37:00.000-07:00

brooke fraser, people. :)

she's amazingly pretty, doe-eyed and everything.

and betty just sorta caught on, like a quick snap lock on your cold, cold heart

and ysl kicks and a red birthmark

in the shape of canada that you try to keep a secret.

writing lyrics would be a dream come true. (omg i typed dream cream shoot i really must be some perpetually hungry food monster.)

so i learnt today that everyone has their devils inside them to deal with. and right now i'm only floating on my sampan boat, not really feeling any extreme moods, just one of stress and things like that. i don't know, school's about to begin, so. don't really like being cooped up at home much. today i chanced upon something quite inspiring. okay, not so much chanced upon. and not so very inspiring either, but it was an epiphany moment. kinda just thought about how we are just really such fortunate people, if you think about it in terms of affluence relative to denizens of the third-world, where we could have been if not for really amazing progress... and the fact that we're already so fortunate to begin with makes us oblivious to the very fact. thanksgiving shouldn't just be on the day we feast on turkeys (or other christmassy dishes). i think praying about it every night and just thanking the Lord for the many little things in life that we'd surely miss if they were gone can suffice. there are one too many stories of people regretting something they didn't cherish much before, and i don't know. i just don't want to be one of those people. wishing i could cherish my life now and appreciate every good little thing that came out of it.

oh, and here's a bit of happy for those who need it most right now. maybe i lost my emotions, it's 3.25 and i don't feel like anything.

i will fly to somewhere far away
if you could only stop and wait
you're too busy on the go
to notice mr. tokyo

and hello, paige, i'm so glad you still read this space. thanks for always being there, and your random long texts!!!! and equally long durations of reply but i can totally relate man!!! miss you. i've still been craving caffebar ever since that day. the buttery bread and soup and the fact that it's always kinda empty makes it a good place to laugh our lungs out onto our plates again. one day, post-promos, when we'll have no stress. good luck, ♥ ily

ok i think i got like the most amusing group ever. we're surprisingly bonded phew awesome stuff, i think we all thought our group would be transient in every aspect of the word. but we're okay, so i'm kinda thankful for that. ssm on the last night closed the deal man!!!!! won't ever forget that. thanks to xieke for making us share stuff about ourselves. ^ anyhoo, this is the reason why i really cannot concentrate on acads. to all those sl campers who have the heart and mind to get motivated, #salute. dam_ good. :D

can i just live on a prayer.

2011-09-09T06:45:00.000-07:00

and pretend that everything is totally normal and i'm just surfing my wave of normalcy because everything's just so dam_ fine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

I DON'T NEED PEOPLE.

Yeah, really I don't. Everything's super okay, face the world with a smile!!!!!!!

happy, but i shouldn't be.

2011-09-09T06:38:00.000-07:00

hi world, jo said she had a new wallpaper, so i got suddenly inspired, like hit by a rock kind of inspired and so these are the pictures of my life. idk, i feel like i'm not doing anything substantial enough to call it mugging. trying, but always falling asleep like no one's business. ok maybe it's my business, just that i don't seem to care much nowadays. that saddens me, cos i think i used up all my motivation for....

i'm not sure actually. i feel that its not yet in me, like it's supposed to be. like how everyone's already IN THE ZONE but like my figurative construction workers are digging up a great big moat around the zone and keeping me out of it. so i'm figuratively out of the zone. so much for everything. gaaaaaah.

so i'm just waiting for the end. but like there's nothing there.

the boobs are staying awake tonight, hopefully i'm up too.

idk this life is dreary. (ok maybe it's just the fact that i don't get math and it's tough. calculus you don't deserve your existence in the universe.)

what, september holidays of the 2011 are ending. what. (vowel spam here ←)

^^ v ain't much, but.

i guess if i had the guts to tell you this i would. and it is that yeah, you're right the world is really cruel, everybody's got their head down and everybody's being selfish and uncaring. but life's like this; the most ironic thing is that it doesn't take into account how many people you've cared for, or how many man-hours you placed in wishing well for others and hoping that they'd be a better person. life's about priorities and having discipline and sticking to these priorities. knowing what you are fighting for, and challenging yourself into doing better, even if it is at the expense of others. i don't know why life acts this way, but it just is. it may seem like no one seems to care, when all that really is, probably, is just personal ongoing battles of the heart.
sorry for being the worst ever friend. and thank you for being understanding. i think it's probably the best thing anyone could ask for right now.
wait a second, i don't think what we are living now is even considered life. there are no emotions, only the sadness and stress of promos. there's like nothing to live for and i really hope this won't be what it's like in the future. if not, we aren't humans anymore. only blank respiring zombies with mitochondrion swimming in our blood, living out their independent lives with separate dna.
yeah, okay, don't really know what i'm saying.

i've been lying on my bed and being pensive amidst the occasional napping going on (sh*t) and if anything, i'm kinda grateful for my mom. like i know i'm acting the same way i was, and i've always found out it was not easy to say what i have to say, but ever since that night after titans, however sucky that night was- after everything, i'm glad she's treating me with a bit more sympathy. i guess that's how to put it. anyway my heart feels a lot less bitter and fidgety. maybe it's because i'm trying to change my mindset, which is a major achievement for me. i'm starting to appreciate her more, and it's wasted because i should've appreciated the every bit that mothers do that make them wonderful. but yeah, i'm starting out.-
there are lots of gaps in my thoughts right now. too distracted. pw. okay, lost my train of thought there.

but anyway, hello. it's sixteen days to promos. okay not too sure about the exact day, since the most important thing is that its less than twenty freaking days. i don't know what i'm doing, being a hobo i guess... :/

everyone will be in my prayers~~

aiya screw this. i want to slap my face in flour and idk, scare people or something. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh. and scream hokkien vulgarities.

slushy.

2011-09-07T22:14:00.000-07:00

i wanna slush myself in frothy bubbly soap right now.
supposed to be in school right now.

neglecting studies. hello pw!
not sure if i'm meeting rugay later, but i really do hope so!
#cantgetenoughofcedarians.

slush slush slush.
time to get a huge bottle of soap from upstairs.
then school. yup yup yup. i haven't smelt nice in a while.

drip and drabs of dreary.

2011-09-07T08:50:00.000-07:00

life right now makes me wish i am back at school, having lessons, looking forward to lunch period. but wait, times really passing ferociously.
but life doesn't want us to take a breather and look back to the days of orientation, much less the days of cedar. just gotta keep our heads down looking at our feet so that we don't tumble and fall when we don't want to.
life is so dreary. shutting down, going emotionless again. but like this time it's different because i dont feel the drive. at all.

maybe.

i must be losing my mind.
but i'm not gonna be sleeping tonight.

my dad woke me up just now and i really couldn't recall what time it was, or what time i slept. and all i knew is that it was dinnertime. is this what it's supposed to feel like???????????????????

g*d it's almost twelve.

embracing.

2011-09-06T12:05:00.001-07:00

remember how to love.
/
adele.
'nuff said.

ctrl alt delete

2011-09-06T02:26:00.000-07:00

sorry forgot what to write already.
oh yeah,
BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD.

i'm thankful for the amazing people in my life.
slc was a blast, like blastoise.

ok now i feel fugz and i'm consuming chocolate at a diabetic rate, i will keep quiet.

shucks. sorry everyone i owe you all texts.
like seriously everyone. gosh there's no inspiration for me to touch my phone; feeling as lazy as heck.

nice guys finish last?
hi. so like i guess this is the end. hurts. just a little bit, but that's okay!!!!! we move forward and search for what is most important. the important is what we must focus on. no. this doesn't hurt at all. i still hold my head as high as the clouds are. i love my life a lot. i love my friends, they mean the world to me. but i hope they know i'm here even though i don't reply texts. (ok pet peeve alert)
haven't been out and about for so long already. i must start. i must be the change i want to see. like right now. everyone is my motivation. and things are, i think, working out family-wise? like my head's a lot clearer. i can think so much better and i kind of feel happier too of course, although there is much to be done. not to be all pervy but i wonder how people in general, lead their lives.
anyway, promos are left. can't still get into the mood, no matter how hard i try. i just. feel like i'm missing out in life sometimes, like (dayum). punches fist in popeye movement.
maybe one day we'll all make shirts that say:
i am a jc survivor.

Fighting.

2011-09-04T09:22:00.000-07:00

We will eventually learn to get back on our feet.
SLCamp has most definitely been a blast. I'm so glad Jo and Bren and of course the lovely Cedarians were there on the journey with me. It truly is a blessing of sorts, especially with Jo who's always there whenever I'm falling short of happiness. Really ate my emotions at camp sometimes.

I guess there was a significant kind of inspiration for us to better the lives of the school, and I really really hope I can work towards it. We got to, because everyone's all in this together. The speech just really woke me up, woken up my ideas too. I was never too pleased with how I lead the team. But the end of slc signifies the start of something new. The idea of challenging the process has really got to happen for us to progress even further as a school. I mustn't let it be another one of those leadership camps, where we forget the lessons after we step out of the place. I gotta make this one work for me. I just wish I have a decent score for promos although given the state of pensiveness I'm in, I'm scared I might bite off more than I can chew. Anyway, glad I got the greatest doubs partner/ vice-cap to go the distance with me. :-)

I only hope that by the end of next year, Tennis can improve in spirit and skills.

/edit
Deleted a chunk of words that are bitter. Maybe that should only be reserved for the times when I lay on my bed at 2am on certain nights.

On a happier note, I think the Sportsxcellers really are an admirable bunch of people. They really put in so much effort and recceing to make the camp a great experience for all. Everyone seems so competent, so it's really quite amazing.

Flabblulous Airport Days.

2011-08-30T12:21:00.000-07:00

We'll miss you, friend.

lynzplox & screbble

screeeeeeeeeeembled eggs.

v^^v

trolololololol

2011-08-30T06:37:00.000-07:00

don't touch me i'm doing pw and might go hulk anytime soon
(resisting the caps lock button right now)

whatever man
whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever

i don't care about the sh1t you do, just don't screw this up cos yknow, we're already in like deep deep ****. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. fu.

don't intend to be a diva of sorts, but i feel so defiant when i don't get this stuff done the way ~~it should be~~ i want it to be.

Got this off the old blog.

2011-08-29T14:18:00.001-07:00

You are not your bra-size, nor are you the width of your waist, nor are you the slenderness of your calves. You are not your hair color, your skin color, nor are you a shade of lipstick. Your shoe-size is of no consequence. You are not defined by the amount of attention you get from males, females, or any combination thereof. You are not the number of sit-ups you can do, nor are you the number of calories in a day. You are not your mustache. You are not the hair on your legs. You are not a little red dress. You are no amalgam of these things. You are the content of your character. You are the ambitions that drive you. You are the goals that you set. You are the things that you laugh at and the words that you say. You are the thoughts you think and the things you wonder. You are beautiful and desirable not for the clique you attend, but for the spark of life within you that compels you to make your life a full and meaningful one. You are beautiful not for the shape of the vessel, but for the volume of the soul it carries.

To all who need it a lot right now. And just for everyone who's reading.

And in a pipe she flies to the Motherland.

2011-08-29T14:05:00.000-07:00

^ This, I've always thought it is just filled with unending hope and positivity. Quite frightening sometimes, too.
Anyway, great day yesterday with the friends at the Airport. :'-)

Cedar. Really miss it still. There'll always be this irreplaceable spot in my heart. And to think it's already stashed away in memory. Hard to believe. Neh, I just feel that there should be some part of me to constantly reignite that memory. And now's the perfect time for reminiscing. (4.25)
I don't even know why I'm awake if I can't do anything productive.
Maybe I've got racist blood through my veins but I dreamt that some banglas were asking my sister tough questions and no matter how hard I tried I still couldn't beat them away. In words that just sounds really wrong.

Why is everyone thinking of the same thing; I wish I could do the same.
It's okay, this feeling can be ignored. Two days to camp, oh gosh. But I'm amazingly gratified (thank you Lord) that my boobies will be there with me. However lonely it gets. However shizzy the harsh conditions of outdoor tents get. Maybe the brilliance of the stars above will make everything worthwhile. And good company.
Stars, company and the complete and utter ignorance of the looming promos ahead.

Yeah, that's alright.

I am like trying, yet I don't feel like I am.
I feel that with each day of inactivity (and most of the time, the act of sinful gluttony), I'm letting everyone down. I can't train and the worst feeling of all is the fact that I'm not pushing. Wednesday?
I can't bother to do cost-benefit analysis just because. Wow, hectic day. Econs test and WR draft 2 due. Rather than wither and collapse due to the burden, I choose to embrace it because I am crazy to do so, so I will do it. Anyway this kind of excruciating stress only comes once in a lifetime, I hope. Hardest part is to jump start. With regards to the group's complexities- selfish of me, but- if you really don't give the slightest bit of sacrifice then I really don't see why I should, too. Sometimes it's so hard to push for everything. I think you should learn to have some backbone. I know, everyone makes mistakes and I am humbled by mine, but yours sticks out conspicuously and if you don't do anything now then. I don't know. Please just get your act together. I thought we were doing okay, like from the dedicated hours (almost twenty, I think?). It's just plain dumb to back down and falter now.

My failed efforts of searching for non-mainstream bands have finally produced something... Quite awesome.

Moby. I was watching adverts on FX and The Day played. I love the video, because it has got angels and the battle of good and evil. And demons. The old-school girl loves the triumph of good over evil anytime.

HAPPY CRUMBCAKES. OH, SELAMAT HARI RAYA.SEKARANG TAK RASA BIMBANG UNTUK PERPUSTAKAAN YANG O LEVELZZZ. (asdfghjkl Ash if you read this please forgive me for abusing the language.)

Missing the time I had to go all the way to Bishan just for lessons and those pensive train rides home. Haaaaaah, kidding that was horrible. It would be fun to have lunch at Junction 8 again though, just the Malay-learning Chinese people. Wish I was young!!

/Actually the main reason why I posted here at this ungodly hour (what's new) is because of what I saw. (Not a bad thing, but not a good thing, either- depends on the context)
If you ever read this, tell yourself you can't trust love. You should get back on your own two feet if love is the one that gets you down, because life is still for living. And living at the fullest to the best of your ability is what matters. Love is supposed to make you happy most of the time. Ok, even now I'm unsure, because it's hard to trust someone so inexperienced. Can't believe I'm posting this shiz up anyway!

2011-08-24T08:38:00.001-07:00

we were the victims of ourselves/

Busy as bees.

2011-08-23T08:52:00.000-07:00

Abused by Jes after school today, and Bren and Jo.
Much much much much hurt!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And Abi and Jas just left my place!!!!!!!!1 One of those days. :->
Can't wait for post-Promos when we can have limitless sleepovers and crash many many days after.

Class girls were talking about ghost flicks and makes me really really want to watch one right now!!!!1
But sigh, priorities. (bold, heavy weights on my shoulders as they should be)

Got to get this right.

Pitbull's voice is sex on the radio.

Jumpstart.

2011-08-22T09:23:00.000-07:00

That glorious moment where you wake up from amnesia and suddenly just really want to run back to the past, the way things used to be.

Want to go back and enjoy the company of good friends, as I have not done so before. I want to appreciate everybody like how I'm trying now. Ditching the convoluted, highly sensitive thoughts that I once had.

I want to go back to the days. I just suddenly want it really, really bad.

2011-08-19T22:01:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jc4IloO2oy4&feature=related

All time low.

2011-08-14T00:49:00.000-07:00

Rage face #on.
Happy birthday teammate.

Haven't gone out in a really, really long time I realised.

Hello friend, we haven't met for ages already, I think!!!!1
I think being washed away by life right now is what we are right now, clutching at straws just to prevent ourselves from drowning in the ocean that's deeper than a diving pool.

Hope you're okay in the life of yours :'(

Omg about the straws thing, I really don't know if it's subconscious or something, like when I read your post then it entered my mind, grasping at straws or if it's just a telepathy kind of thing where we both were thinking of straws... But wow, cool.

Let's just have a talk soon, please :'(

And probably the most refreshing thing of the day. Or afternoon. (Hate how I spend my days)

MISS HER A LOT SHE WAS LIKE A GRANDMOTHER I NEVER HAD. A testament to how great secondary school teachers are compared to JC tutors hehehehe.

JC titors. Yeah I realised a lot of words have tits present in them, like titans, titre, substitution...

Potassium.

Maybe my body's trying to tell me that I am dying soon.

I can sleep on demand
I sleep anywhere that's large enough to fit mah fat arse
I can sleep anytime of the day
I sleep for hours
Screw up my PW (okay hahaha random fact of my life.)

Yeah. PW is just... ...

Goodbye Gerrs!!!!!!!!

I killed four ants trying to eat my banana chocolate cake.

Okay now I killed eight.

I'm thankful for the good boobs of my life and it's not really in that literal sense since- okay yes. Must find the will to carry on and survive and just, really survive because that is all I can try to do right now.
I don't want promos

I don't want promos

I don't want to grow up and have to do the stuff grown ups do. Taxes, insurance, government policies, family planning and shit like that.

wtf i'm seventeen.

Must have the will to prevent my self from creating twitter again.
Before I forget, I must write down the fact that chalk is probably the best type of stationery in the world. Did I spell stationery right???! Chinese class on Friday was fun in a repetitive auto-tuned Rebecca Black kind of way; doodling on the table like noodles and getting chalk powder everywhere and wasting all the chalk even before it made contact with the stony ground of the LT2 walkway.
And Joy doing a Chinese spelling test on her Chinese name which she had written wrongly for the past 6205 days of her breathing life. Hehehe,
and Harry Potter characters
and magical candles
and Safari Land
and explosive lion farts
and toilet bowls
and heart shapes.
Triple J <Jas, Jodi, Joy> and Lyn teehee.

J seems to be a really really popz first letter.
Joule-lene, Brendy JOAN... non-exhaustive.

Ooooooooh, I miss blogging.
Even if it's like I'm blogging for a handful of great people.

HOLEYOIRJGOWIRJGONBRIOWIOEFFFFFF I'm going to start studying now, if not I'm not fit to be called a student and I'd have to just resign myself to writing full-time Hobo if I ever get one of those survey cards asking for the job title.
Okay bb.

LET'S SURVIVE, EVERYONE. xx

The A Team. Star Team.

2011-08-11T12:03:00.000-07:00

Cedar Pride. :>

My favourite class girls {4lyf}

Dood the boob.

Crumbling like pastries And they scream The worst things in life come free to us Cos we're just under the upperhand And go mad for a couple of grams And she don't want to go outside tonight And in a pipe she flies to the Motherland.

And cheers to D, an amazing friend.
If I had a wine glass, I'd raise it.
:')

First National Day Celebrations out of Cedar,

2011-08-08T08:39:00.000-07:00

in my Cedar t-shirt.

Oh man, I really feel the full force of the emptiness and nil-enthusiasm. Like nothing's the same like Cedar. The songs aren't good, the lyrics are mostly forgotten, the people aren't so crazy, the hall isn't so dark and the streamers don't float in the atmosphere as much.
Really really miss the craziness that's let loose. Yes, I've got the energy to burst in song and dance in drunken stupor. I miss the people whom I do it with I guess!!!
Can't wait to be crazy as an OGL. Only a few more months...
I say this with caution.

Happy birthday, Singapore.

Another healthy year ahead, please.

Indeedy, you do need the Cedar spirit to show the Singapore spirit.

JTS today. I'm so proud to have great team mates. We're quite a bonded bunch I'd say! So proud of them. Met at Suntec then lepaked at Raffles City Burger King to make the cards and gifts. After which my place to touch up, make the boxes and head to Costa. In retrospect, it's quite amazing JTS came and gone so quickly. I wasn't really up to standard, but good company. The seniors. Interesting topics.

I'm happy to be in Tennis. Sin Hui and Ketrisha are really, really :') without them I think I am nothing.

Had fun jumping from the diving board with my underwear and popping balloons so that we can sweep them up. Thanks to Ken, Ben and Isaac as well.

Tired.

What life.

2011-08-06T06:34:00.000-07:00

The fs wrong with me, I can't stop thinking. And my thoughts aren't the academically sound types like the enthalpy change of atomisation or how conjugation takes place in bacteria. Rather, it's more like pondering about the future and thinking about the past stuff that's happened, and not happened. I don't know, really.
I don't know.

Sh1t, I don't know.
And I spent a portion of my time reading Life Magazine 1958 on Google Books and pored through all the adverts which are so vintage and cool and I kinda wish I lived in that era where there are such things as white frosted answer cakes and Kodak cameras.

Munch.

Hello from the bus.

2011-08-05T22:07:00.000-07:00

GOT THE GAYEST HELLO KITTY WATCH FROM MCDs TODAY WITH ABI AND RIGHT NOW IM JUST FLOPPED ON THE BUS SEAT WHILE PEOPLE TAP THEIR EZLINKS IN FRONT OF ME. I GOT A TUMMY, BUT AHHH SO FAT I DONT EVEN CARE MAN. WAIT TIL I GET WELL AND GET MY ASS DELETED OFF. TITANS OVER SHOULD HAVE WENT TO SEOUL GARDEN NIC SAYS IT WAS A BLAST ;-( EOM DUE BY MONDAY, WR TOO BOOHOO I HOPE WE CAN GET OUR ACT TOGETHER I PRAY I DONT FALL ASLEEP EVER SO OFTEN. I THINK OUR CLASS SHOULD HAVE HELLO KITTY WATCHES TOGETHER IM SO TIRED I CAN SLEEP BUT MEETING FAMILY AT PARKWAY. SO MUCH STUFF TO SAY. TALKING TO JAS I ALWAYS PHUNNY ~O~ OMFG TWO DAYS. OMFFFF.

Wish I could affirm you.

2011-08-05T01:33:00.000-07:00

Boob has been really nice to me today, and I'm really, really grateful because I wasn't feeling so good yesterday. But I'm quite relieved I cleared things up with my Mom, and stuff. I hope all goes well for her too. Very proud of her. Didn't know she was going for Titans until the morning of the first day, but pwned Squat Thrusts and had amazing stamina for the runs. Now someone should tell me why she doesn't deserve the shirt. I feel she deserves too much. :'( She's too strong. :( :( :(

And then there's Ketrisha who cared, today. She was the first to see me go to the sports comp. and was being really nice, as usual. So grateful for her because she's an amazing junior. 100% Girls Tennis Team's in Temasek Titans!!!!!!!!!!! Proud of us.

House Comm, like YY, Kamatchi, HH, Ryan and Nic, who are always so very very nice. So glad Cheerleading made me have people I can laugh with and hug.

Delta girls, sh1t awesome Cedarians Zhi Hui, Badi, Celine who are just so strong physically and emotionally. Delta must be so blessed to have them. They have done us proud. They're really really really good, cross my heart on that. Oh and Gaya's 'ha ha ha ha flatten you like prata' whoohoo awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Her sorethroat makes it all the more laugh-inducing.

And then today there's Yannis. Who is random and funny everytime. No more words to say already hahahaha.

DELTA'S AWESOME. INDIV EVENTS FTW.
#DELTAPRIDE!!!!!!!1

I think I'm just really glad that the tears have kinda dissipated, and things ironed out. Now I'm so tired I think I just need to sleep.

2011-08-04T09:03:00.000-07:00

tired like shit.
my mom confiscated my phone, for the first time in my life.
remaining uncontactable.
idk about titans, please don't ask me about it? i don't really know what to do now, actually.

i don't have much to say, so just btw.

no sympathy required, i will, survive

okay, okay, i get it. i get all of it coz it's right smack in my face. i get it. i really do. moments like these.

2011-08-03T12:49:00.000-07:00

I told them I wanted an angrier, anti-version of this pufferfish.

They gave me this.

Just thought that it's pretty epic. At least I had a good laugh during class today.

"Are those boobs?"
"No they're...... cleavage."/
"The pit hairs must be the same colour as the hair on its head."

I think I'll be quite depressed if I weren't in Sixteen.
Woke up after my siesta with the same, or worse feelings than I had before I slept. I thought I had cleared it up.

Why can't I be focused and concentrate on what's more important.
I hope I can do logs today. I hate hate hate hate not being to do anything.
#anguish

on mobile blogger and doing fine.

2011-08-03T06:36:00.000-07:00

I AM SO HAPPY THAT MY ACTIVE INBOX HAS ALL MY BEAUTIFUL FRIENDS. THREE WONDERFUL GIRLS AND ANOTHER UNEXPECTEDLY SWEET GIRL WHO REALLY CARES.THEY ALL HAVE MY LOVE. IM QUITE GRATEFUL. IDK ITS WEIRD BECAUSE I WASNT JUST NOW. IT'S RLY HARD, IDK. FEELINGS JUST A WHIRLWIND ON EVERYTHING. TITANS DRAINS MY GUTS. WISH I WAS WELL TO PLAY A PART IN DELTA'S POTENTIAL SUCCESS. IDK, I JUST. GOING TO SLEEP FOR AWHILE. PW IN A WHILE. HAVE TO DO THIS. FRIENDS WHO CARE = <3, SO APPRECIATIVE I CANT EVEN.

2011-07-30T03:07:00.000-07:00

THE ONLY TIME, IS NOW. :-( (SORRY FOR THE CAPS, MOBILEBLOGGER IS SO WEIRD) BUT YEAH, WHAT BETTER TIME TO SAY THAT TIMELY QUOTE, HA HA. I'M SO TIRED, I KEEP SLEEPING AND THAT'S HOW I SCREWED UP MY DAY TODAY. THIS WEEKEND CANT GET ANY WORSE, REALLY. FUGLY, WISH I CAN RUN WITHOUT BEING SUCH A WUSS ABOUT THE PAIN. WANNA RUN MY TROUBLES OFF, NOT EAT LIKE HOW I AM NOW, PILING LARD LUMPS ON TOP OF MY SADNESS. I MUST DO THIS I MUST LIVE THROUGH THE YEAR AND LIVE IT HOW I MUST.