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May seems so way back. Well thank you phone for reminding me of this time.
Strength to carry on (muscle arm emoji)

Someone please slap me for trying to be needy and not focusing

i don't really like titles much

interrupting a studying hiatus to bring you..... my thoughts, i guess. the mighty glob of grey matter actually does powerful things. i m not really sure how it happened but i suddenly felt a lot better (emotionally) after the midway mark of this week. and i have to say this week was a heck of a week. the general paper actually seems like such a distant memory now!!!!!! and if you're in need of a pointer to tide through this, it'd have to be positive thoughts. it worked wonders for me and i felt a lot calmer. it's true how if you want something really bad it goes away all too quickly, but if you're cool with it and be all jamaican chilling out in the carribean beaches with the ukelele (though not really to that point) then everything just comes to you? i cannot comprehend myself sometimes and i don't really know how to face one more week. i guess we all have to take it in our stride and not think about the consequences however terrrrrible our minds perceive them to be. cause then we will be even more stressed and feel like jumping out the windows and not even the papers used to make notes for the entire jc bio syllabus can save our asses. like digging graves for ourselves idk does this make sense i'm not really looking back at what i type.
i don't even know who i'm typing for ok this is for future reference for myself when i look back and think of the horrible time prepping for A levels is. just wanting to make everything worth it. and i'm pretty sure if it was old me looking at the amount of words i'm typing out about my acads i'd be severing all ties with myself but..................... :-(
read  through my crusty old diary (it wasn't really as crusty the same time last year but poo) and chanced upon some wise words by stella, smth about being in the hall and not wanting to regret that you could've done much better than your peers. regret would be a really great fear of mine.

so anw succumbed to temptation and bought myself cancerous koi and i drank bbt twice this week but bleh makes up for bbt deficiency since june hols or smth, and lunch w jodi joy jas jj esther and i'm wondering why everyone's name starts w the letter j maybe the j people just conglomerate to form a j clan. secretly feeling quite bad for not stepping in parkway for a real long time i think the last time was when magnum was in town and we ate beef newdles at the hawker ctr with lots of orange fishcakes. well today we had wanton mee and there was lots of hype about pierre png and andrea d cruz who were in super close proximity and twas all really exciting cos they were going to buy a mop or smth but didn't. and jodi with her nuts and yup.
life like this would be okay i guess.

happiness does not depend on what you have or who you are, it solely relies on what you think.

thanks buddha. i'm tired of finding happiness so maybe it will come to me if i don't care about it. life works that way.

exams

Just looking at future career options. The inset would be a good hint as to what I'd be doing so yea.

Not funny anymore idk why I'm so dumb

Yup okay smile.

please God

Feel compelled to post this, just because idk really. I feel a bit disappointed that I studied quite hard and keep chanting to myself that I'll pull through for Chem this time and I'm not so sure. And the looming Econs and Bio makes me fear the days to come. I know time doesn't rewind but idrk what else to do? I keep self-destructing and there's not much time left to rewire my thoughts anymore omg I guess I want this all pretty badly and it's placing stress on me. Everyone does and everyone feels it so hi guys you can do it. Self-destructing because I keep getting stupidly tormented by my own demons I'm so tiring of that already idk if I should handle the midnight oil????? There's not much asdfghjkl just being cooped up here in my room I couldn't solve a Chem question and it hurts haha this is stupid I really want to bag good grades for Econs and do MChua proud because he really did a lot for me in my understanding and to falter now would just be so so wasted. I know the sacrifices made now will reap better greater fruits in future but I..... Guess this is just the trough of feeling dismal and self-pitiful.
Never actually realise how much I wanted this. I feel different feelings from two years ago. I feel more motivated yet I know it'll hurt more if results don't come as expected.

I will try to change myself, please wait for me. :-(

exam mass

I will remember this day throughout the rest of my life up to maybe the last paper of As :-)
"God only helps those who helps themselves". In my flurry to catch all that fr Simon said, I felt that was what rung out to me the loudest. Like since primary school, everyone says, w God, anything is possible, but this reality says, with hardwork, anything is possible and hence hardwork + God + honest goals set = pavement towards happiness.
Kinda surreal I think, planting ourselves in the middle of the church with D and Bren! Happy to mass w those kids and w Sheryl and Mel too.
Okay four stars in sight must be done and let's work at it I'm so proud of you guys!!!!
And I cheated okay darn I got home, whatsapped and started eating my muahchee HAHAH but IT IS GOOD GOOD MUAH CHEE THE SOFT KIND BOUGHT BY MY GRANDMA omg why does muah chee taste so good is this a sign of my distraction from studying sigh pie fat days fat days

my new dream is to have one oreo of every flavour in existence

i want to try this the most!!!!

the ones i bought in thailand tasted like toothpaste

this reminds me a lot of the ice cream cookie we had in carls' junior!!! omg & the sinful fries.

credits to a random blog in xanga

with my new mentality i will accept myself even if i gain ten kilos from oreo ingesting.