1。do not let past mistakes affect the quality of your present moment

2。meditate so you can lose resentment, guilt and anger

3。smile all the time because you are happy with yourself and no one can be happier for you than YOU

today, i lived out one of my happiest days thus far. it is my sister's birthday and the past years i have just been so paralysed with self-contempt and inflicting hurt on myself by what i thought others must have been thinking of me, that i was so f*ing closed. i dont even remember doing anything special for myself or for my loved ones because i was simply so caught up in my own negative emotions. to choose to be happy is a proactive choice. it's something that comes from within me and not anyone else. i dont have to wait so desperately for circumstances to induce happiness in me. i found out that i can use my own ability to change my circumstances to create my own happiness. 

i cycled. it was a beautifully long route; 8km from bedok to bugis. i was happy i got some exercise from biking in replacement of runs (aching hips meant doing less intense things)

i texted my dad to have lunch with me at a vegetarian restaurant at fortune centre because i felt that a good lunch shouldnt be passed alone (it was pure coincidence that he needed to be in the area too)

i bought 15 balloons and basically tied it to my bike and cycled all the way home and tbh that was the best thing ive ever done for myself because 

• its completely irrational

• irrational unexplainable things turn out to be good memories

i really loved the wind blowing against me and the balloons flying together it made me feel like a scene from the movies 

i decided that balloons in general just made people really happy. i was glad that passers-by looked on so curiously because it was truly a sight to behold （＾Ｏ＾）

balloons r rly damn nice. coloured floating bubbles that dont ever pop i could stare at it errday

i got home and ate nicely for the sake of my health and i was eyeing those buttery chinese new year goodies and thinking "everything's just gonna go back to where it started" but i caught myself because i told myself that my past mistakes are not me in the present moment. my body is going to have a hard time removing all the crazy stuff in the sugar-laden food and that instant gratification just isnt worth it. in addition, i have a whole pantry full of better foods and 3 supermarkets within cycling distance so why should i go for something that i eat to harm myself with? what is there to harm? do i really deserve this harm?

and that's when i realized the crazy thought process that surges up in me when i look at food. i wouldnt want these negative emotions in me. i know what it takes to love myself and i want to choose that every single time. i dont want to be a prisoner of my food. food should instead work for me. 

eat better, not less - i planned out a meaningful dinner with juice pulp, stewed with barley, lentils and some veg in the fridge. reading up on the benefits of vegetables never fail to amaze me. 

sprouts have such power and harvesting this potential when i consciously add it to my food gives me happiness because i am doing something with a meaningful intention. 

i successfully added "making a tofu cheesecake" to today's agenda as well. 

today consisted of doing things that made myself contented, not me being obliged to make others happy. admittedly, satisfying my own well-being is an entirely new concept to me. i never would have done all these things and kept myself busy in the past.

but they are so so beneficial for me. i feel my life has never really been lived to the fullest until these few days. it's surreal.