Yep//

Today has taught me one thing. To charge ahead. And not look back to first of march until I do something substantial with my measly time here on God's good earth. Thank you Lord for instilling back that drive to study, I must keep it close to my heart.
Gonna keep it in my pocket and remember to be determined & not dead slack like I was all this while. No more insecurities and heart thoughts going to burden me. I just hope the world gives chances to those who realize their errors at this stage of their lives.

The day we all lived thru bfr

What is pre results day without the necessary Worry Post
In retrospect, Rebecca in the past and present wanted different things ie getting As over and done w and battling rly dumb insignificant bouts of self-inflicted emotional turmoil and presently, after seeing the world through the window that is the blessed internship exp, getting desperate to find what I want to do int eh future for hopefully year(sssss) to come.
//
Prior to the release of O level results, I rmb Stella's text msg which said of the atmosphere of actual results day. Yup facing that same shit all over again. And makes me wonder why I didn't heed her advice way earlier.

What I posted pre results day befr Os, was this:
" So they made my day happy and worry-free, as promised. I chose to remain to live in denial for the fact that results are ominous and looming; it's like the anti-Christmas- though not in that satanic sense, because that would be freaky and tote uncalled for-. Wowza, in fact, it is right on this very day. Too much sadness, I can't really express how much melancholy's welled up inside. Anyway, I have enjoyed my days of denial and not caring about my future. As there really nothing is to do. Regrets are not worth the thought, so.

I am also scared for the fourteenth of Jan. Boo.


I am resigned to the fact that my results will not be as wonderful as it seems. I just know it, plus the uncertainty in the air shared by other people just further shows that I can be scared like heck. I'll bring tissues tomorrow- TODAY. And if I don't get it, then I'll just hope it's an inception.

I remember telling myself I had tried my utmost best but my best could not have been enough. Anyway, it's really true that if you don't expect anything (which is what I'm doing), then you won't be sad about anything. I prefer to keep an open mind.

Fingers crossed."

ヽ(｀Д´)ﾉ
It was more of a mad sense of denial, like I knew I wouldn't do as well as I'd expected, which was true.
I don't know what to make of this one. Expecting the worst yet hoping for the best is a shizzzzxxx painful thing.

Today got my mind off this, because we celebrated Ivy the feline's birthday today w a gorgeously sinful as usual Pine Gardens cake by Qiu Xuan's sister who is omg-awesome.
1 the cakes are amazing
2 good bits of chocolate in the cake
3 mega easy to customize
4 good location near pathlight
5 she's QX's blood relative
And we lied like the amazing Oscar worthy people that we are. It was a happy day in a surreal way, when everyone's just resigned to the fact that smth great is coming up tmr to hit us hard in the faces like that first steep dip of the roller coaster.
I finally got to process and string into words the long and srs food battle I have with my food. Explained it to hweems and she says I have a disorder though I don't wna face it bcuz idek what a disorder rly is anw. But she gave me good advice and I'm glad I finally can open up about it hopefully it'll just give me the push. I'm living an excuse of not wanting to exercise because of my tooth
Which oh yay is feeling much better thanks for everyone's care bcuz it rly made a difference. For allaying my fears and telling me worse experiences to make mine sound a tad more tolerable like whoo for humus and and upper pri trackies and mat and ms Sara and Jane for getting me determined to remove it and parents & their fish porridge for being a kind friend.

Paid thirty for a buffet ytd which was surprisingly yet naturally lovely b/c I haven't seen most of them in two years; one year at the least- and Shujia being a buffy makes me more excited to learn from her in terms of losing love handles. ¥yi is still one helluva shameless crazy hilarious and oh yeah shameless girl who peels prawns and throws it on people's plates, bursts into maniacal laughter at the mention of certain people's names, and flings Chichee in every direction. Glad there was never a dull moment at the table, not like every single moment in the classroom three/4 years ago omg haha

Met Kaur bfr this and acted like working adults oh crud + embarrassing mo at the toilet teehee. But yah all is well. Saw a friend and dashed out hurriedly. That girl has some mad employer discounts at almost every restaurant at plaza sing extension!!!

In the spirit of nostalgia, fear etc, I shall say I don't look fwd to tmr I hate results I don't wna think I'm grateful for relatives who say they'll be proud of me no matter what which is indeed heartening + guilt inducing b/c 'hardworking' is subjective I seem to be getting ok w life so why do I have to get slapped with the ticket which would alr dictate a destination route planned for me
What if I want to live in denial ok I admit ignorance is total bliss esp right now
This is a whole bunch of cliche shiz I rly wna get a move on. Just without the unnecessary painful suspense. As well as maybe stop posting here ever so often.

I know where to go.

The last post on nostalgia

(Re)collecting memories. Really, remembering the past isn't good for emotional health. Maybe this is me; waiting for things to happen, like in the Chinese idiom about the rabbit falling in front of the lepaking hunter. Like um, things at first coincidentally worked well for you and you become happy. Then as time wears on, you depend too much on fate to help you put things into place that you don't rely on yourself on maintaining things as they are, as a result you get so mad at yourself you hole yourself up. You're so afraid of hurting your self pride that you build a fortress around your heart so that entry is refused for anyone who tries. And the fact of life is that sometimes, people will live their life so it sucks if you're not in it as much as you yourself want it to be.
As we live, the past events get increasingly tenuous as more important things start to come in. But why did I choose to feel to put this in my highest regard? I'll probably regret doing so. I (had to) look through our entire Facebook conversation, because the worst thing that happened was I actually dreamt of stuffs last night.
I hope that soon I will just forget this ever happened. Or maybe start on a new page.
I don't want to go back to nostalgia to cherish the moments. Maybe I should lay off writing in the paper diary as a reminder to myself to make more happy times as opposed to reveling in the past.
Come post As, I will not stay cooped up at home
I will make my life worthwhile
I will find something better to do
I will impact people's lives
I will buy many things
I will shop at Q00 Market
I will attend fashion buffets because they seem very worth it
I will lay off Twitter (crossing my fingers ✌ and my heart ❤)
I will not degrade my r/s with my family any longer this is rly stupid and pathetic why did I even want to do this to myself I rly miss talking to my cousinssss and now it's just shet awkward forever plus now my baby cousins are at the peak of cuteness (age 3-5) and As made it feel like crap for me I feel bad if I ever leave the house because idk this is my mentality so I'm and was basically being a hermit in my abode, many a times under my blanket. Yes I'm blaming my life's problems on a few stupid national examination papers what more later in life in uni and in the working world. And poopdeck. I don't even feel like I've made any great strides in my progress to achieving good grades like I should have. Ajdjsjakalwj

Here is my silent revolution (it has been silently happening). From now onwards I will stave off the wooden block of awkward and all things detrimental to my human relationships with others, stop hating on others, stop being ever so spiteful because it's annoying, run everyday (I demolished 3 pancakes with caramelized banana, strawberries and syrup while being awkward at the same time at Baci just now fml- and demolished is the exact word my Godma used heh)
Fff I do not care this life will not suck anymore than it already has. Please God let it be so.
If anyone has got any radical resolutions then let's achieve it tgt and ASAP!!

No.45

To talk. And to talk a lot.
Talk late into the night
Sleepovers just to talk
Sit on swings, cycle down slopes and laugh
Go for night runs and talk
To stop living for the phone
To find cafes between the crevices that no one else would find, read and talk aplenty
To sit beside the fountain and eat Taiwanese street snacks in between shopping, and talk
Shop shop shop up down left right gna spend bucks and omalawd I can't think about this anymore I'm not oppressed I'm not oppressed I'm not oppressed
Nine more days baby
☝☝☝
☝☝☝
☝☝☝
C'mon now just survive and enjoy later please

Stuff in my drawer over 2012

Ok that prev post's promise is so invalid

Ever since after biop3, which was circa 5hours ago, I've got a glimpse of the totally liberated life. Quite uneasy and can you believe it I actually feel a tad guilty!! But I recharged my iPod ready for a jog, my shoes are pleading and my mind has been yearning to be out and about!! Excited. Doing so with Jodi and Bren. ☺
Guys I've decided that I only do exercise dates because I don't wna be dripping w/ mainstream juice and going to nice places, taking pictures of good food then consuming them. I'd rather someone else do it for me heehee!!!!
Ok since somewhere along the road I've decided to take a new outlook on life; the appreciatin and no hatin road. Instagram's not working and it's the reason why I'm here ☺☺☺
Ecstatic that plans are almost falling into place! And I pray for things to be even more brilliant.???
Fingers crossed

Update\
Not surprisingly, I have an aversion towards twitter (o m g). I'm probably going to leave it for a while, I guess? And Instagram too, although I can't believe I've missed out so many pretty things in these short months. Really, short months actually.
Only two ✌✌✌✌✌ more weeks to go before all hell breaks lose and so do the emotions! The only way to go now I guess, is to savor this period- in a non-sadistic manner. I need to break out of this cycle with which I feel suckish in my abilities, yet do nothing about it, and then proceed to feeling down in the doldrums because my former classmates accept scholarships and early admissions into universities. Genuinely wonder if I can actually get smth Done with this life of mine. Buck up Rebecca buck up
Plus to let my mom and pops down would be... Just a terrible thing I mean they really try- and today she was just saying how proud she was of how we turned out & everything. Nooooo

Manifestation of unproductivity all around me

Okay two more weeks seems dreadfully long, but then again it's such an important time & then yet again, it's tough to keep up the momentum especially during this period, when all the notes don't seem to be of use any more. And post As happy moments.
Burden MCQs. Burden!!!!!!!!1 Wet blanket to happiness. Party pooper of freedom. Fuel to the fire of torture.
Rly rly rly can't wait for the trip to New York I love me some airplane trips ✈
And I shall promise not to be unproductive anymore from this post forth until 3 Dec. It's mad that national exams should stretch into the December period really. *Sacred holiday time*

If you are ending As soon then congrats for making it to the end! Never thought this day would come right? (Almost) made it. ✌

P.s: I have 43 things to do on my post As list and redoing my blog templates is one of them and asdfghjkl I have once again proved myself a wimp by giving into temptation so easy.
P.s.s: it's fun to choose the colours and colours and more colours.
Nighty

change yourself then change the world.

So irked again by productivity levels. This sucker is not resting her head on her pillows tonight man.
Caught The Voice 3 since it's always on AXN but the entire world is watching the X Factor heh ✌ Just learnt that De'borah wasn't saved and I'm super upset about that cos she actually has the voice and she actually manages to convey her emotions through her style of singing
And she's mega x100 unique
And I think she's suited for real life perfs cos her stage presence is really magnificent wowow

Ten more 24 hours to kill before I can get out of the house and not watch tv anymore cos tv makes you die younger. Omg scary. Make yourself proud of what you worked for for so long. Fingers x

Omg hi an update on my (digital) life

This can not be a happier day. But I gave myself 2 pages of reasons on why I shouldn't be on twitter. Hm

God knows it's the only way to heal now

Why can't I do a paper and feel proud of it thereafter? Sigh Lord.
My Blood by Ellie Goulding (Halcyon) is my new ear candy. I like songs that are empowering and I can dramatically sing along to when I'm bathing / at home.
Econs and Bio. ☔

After math (I deserve a +10 for this pun)

Ok update: apparently hazeltjy tweeted it too haha this is too sad but shows that humour runs in humus.
Yet another pun ☺

An inextricable happiness(?) of sorts:
Sleep-inducing weather. The cool winds before a good shower.
Read an interview piece on Tong Yee on straits times & it's really good. I rmb Yannis telling me about him last year (the pro-est gp tuition teacher) and coincidentally I went for a gp crash course last year taught by him. Embarrassingly I didn't use anything I learnt oh sheet.. BUT YEA. He retained and didn't have that good everything record one would've expect from a guy like him but his values and strong desire to help Singapore in the whole social progress goal was ultimately what made him successful. And he has a rly good sincere heart. I guess the bottomline is- always stay loyal to your values and get a goal and extinguish procrastination and don't want something w/o acting on it. Yeah ☁ was/ am quite inspired by his actions. (Straits Times opinions pg33 or smth)
0.25 done with As
Enticing post-As schedule

Must not steer away from impt current things though. Fingers ✌
Trudge on

/edit
Tomorrow will be a much better day. Period. The rate I'm doing things: negative. Yeah I believe sometimes I'm reversing. Like those tapes that go squiggle squiggly and people move backwards and talk in incoherent chipmunk

Hi As

A day has passed and I'm wondering where did the time go to (every damn time). I guess chem has taken the brunt of my laziness but I truly wish tomorrow brings enough hours to consolidate all the info. If chem were to be as crazy killer as hurricane sandy like last year's horror, then idk. I will be sad.
I don't know if it's the same with you, but there's always this blurry demarcation between studying for GP and just surfing the net. I should have been asleep two hours ago... ✌
I really yearn to get out of the house. Not that this is a bad house, just that so much negativity breeds in the empty lumen of my brain network. And essentially because I cannot understand myself as yet. Which is kinda muddling 'cos year 20 will come in a blink and I thought only teens have this issue of finding their identity and stuff.
The title seems pretty benign but yea, As shouldn't be terrifying because then you can perform well. ☺
I daren't write anymore I'm always afraid my level of readiness that I present will always have karma coming and presenting me w substandard grades. Ok I'm afraid.
God bless everyone
On a separate note, it feels gratifying to know that lives still intersect like circles of the Venn diagram even through weathering caused by time.

(Ps: musing from my old blog, pre-Os

Life is relegated to this heap here

Only for a few more- one more month. Crudcake it's November that month bfr December