❤️❤️❤️ always love hanging out in your minimalist beautiful room （＾ν＾）

14.1.2015

i decided that i was going to be happy today because happiness is a choice that i can choose to make. staying at home was a happy choice. to be surrounded with healthy food is a happy choice.

i feel so blessed that dad is more into juicing than i am. its a more positive environment i feel i am in. the text came on the day of JJ's party and i was really excited to get home to the juice really. the days of the binge are long gone and they wont return because nutrients rule calories drool 

im not going to fall into the calorie trap again. anyway yez juicing is the best damn thing that has ever happened in my life and to fully embrace it is the other best thing i've done for myself (＾ｰ^)ノ

1. regular shampoos give me itches and irritated skin so i have decided to go poo-free (￣▽￣) really tired of having to resist doing something for myself so i'm taking the first step. it'll be a baking soda + apple cider vinegar wash for me from now on; i had my first wash today and it felt good because it was not as harsh as dove or pantene. i can feel the natural oils being locked in and hopefully this works out for me. i was considering organic hair washes as well because my skin was good after organix but the price hurts (/ _ ; ) i'll use them in oz for now where my parents wont know the price heehee 

i'm embracing the naturals and starting to love it bcoz i really believe that this is what we are meant to do as a human species. tree huggin' plant eatin' animals of the earth

2. had a 2 hour walk today with cheryl who lol clearly hasnt been running in ages lol but the walk to east coast was really good cuz we ended up talking a lot ketching up on life as we know it and interesting projects under way might make for an interesting 2015. thought it was a really good idea for her to set up an insta documenting her food because this girl has been to eaten like $1000 lunches before and tried $90/pax hotel buffets in crown plaza melbourne... serious food porn potential to be shown to mankind.

i did side walking at one point of the walk but dayum my side thighs ache now this is a great workout and the sun was being singaporean the beach was being salty and good 

the background looks superimposed but it's au naturel guys. 

3.

i am grateful for having a voice. it means theres a vehicle to express my opinions. silence twists truths or cloaks them up and i should use voice more. 

ヽ(；▽；)ノ

nonetheless, these past few days have been swell. 7am runs at botanic gardens with my dad are my most anticipated part of any day handsdown. its just the beauty of the park and the people there and the conversations and that gorgeous plant scent when you run past green things

1. i know little battles are won when my dad says: •he wants to try vegan food for lunch today •the only meat he had was fish porridge •roasted chickpeas taste nice and that i should make more

this is coming from typical dad aka meat-lover/《get your protein from meat》 human. my dad is secretly my only target for change because I inadvertently feel worried for his diet. knowing what meat can do to us scares me to death and there is a lot of swirling negative emotions based on this but ill be out of this!! because sometimes it is to be recognized that anger stems only from love and why not just remove this angry layer and do the things that you do just based simply on love? most often i place really high expectations on my family and i have felt a lot of anger from this because family is the golden jewel that should be heavily guarded and them not doing things my way gets me angry a lot. i didnt know how to control this, but 2014 has taught me to be a less angry, more sympathetic person. i was just a really angry person with intentions that were innately good. just that the good in these intentions were lost in that outer layer of negativity. 

this is a first time acknowledging this and σ^_^; acknowledgement in itself makes me see things better. 

2. yesterday i got to see the girls that have seen me at my ~worst~. my jc friends and my pathlight friends. never really did realize the comfort that surrounds me during my days in tjc until now. the feeling is really good though, i feel at peace with my past self so i can better my present self

3. last year, i did yoga with jasmine and i wasnt in a very good mindset/shape. i did yoga based very much on the instructions given and not in the rhythm of my motions. it makes a difference for me because i often felt distressed and alarmed that i cant follow with the right timing of the instructor. calmly doing yoga according to my actions though, made it more enjoyable because i can appreciate the stretches. i also managed to do the longest crow pose in my life at the yoga session this year. the crow pose was something that daunted me ever since tennis training at tj. i was trying my very hardest to perfect it in syds. i was getting there, but not quite yet. it is in the tiniest achievements that i feel most grateful for.

1. today was hanging around with family lots and there would ofc always be this stupid subconscious voice bitterly saying how i'm neglecting friends and i should rly have sum friends to go out with but see, it's just another absolutely unnecessary thought that is meant to be destroyed and never remembered!!!!!!! that's my mindset right now.
2. there was so much plant-based happening today, i'm overloaded with joy. for one, my mom decided that dinner should include roasted cauliflowers with tumeric because she likes it. and we had that and it was just the best thing ever (the food was good and the intention behind it was even greater). the kitchen was truly a sight to behold. it has always been kind of sparse and empty but today there was lots of good food and it seemed occupied- just how it is supposed to be. dinner was suuuuuuuuh good i had leftover brown rice yesterday and i tossed it with coconut oil, onions and leftover capsicums and cherry tomatoes and i had salmon because my mom bought beautiful chunks of it back from our ntuc trip today and she said it tasted rly good and it did taste amazeballez. i made like 5 or so batches of granola today. it's my xmas present to the family because i can't bear to send them store-bought foods that probably every other human does for every other human and knowing that big companies don't give a shizzle for the wellbeing of consumers irks me til no end and it's my way of fighting it and being fully dependent on myself is the better option. i still feel the need for action for the world to see that the only thing they need for sustenance is themselves & not food chains restricting them with only serving what they have on that menu and people only see the price of food/its description and based their choices on that but fail to consider maybe the way that the food was prepared or maybe in what condition that animal was when it was alive a lot of strong feels tbh not so much for being virtuous and saving animals but rly, the health of people consuming dangerous things.
3. i am grateful that i am able to hold conversations with my sis, my mom, my dad. i am grateful that i feel so free from my destructive thoughts because i am able to finally see the compassion in others and not just be focused on myself i feel like a whooping lunatic becoz i really do see the world with brand new eyes it's a world i've never actually seen before it's a whole new perspective it's a good one, definitely. it's a blessing.

haha, scrolling through some previous posts, reminding myself that it is a new day every day. yesterday's worries should not be brought on to today, because we are reborn every time the sun rises. i am only going to write positive things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this space has no fcking room for negative vibes.

1. today i went to the beach to run. it has become almost a daily affair ever since i came back to sg and damn it's the best feeling in the world. i've been asking my dad to go to the beach so that he can clock in 6000 steps. 6k steps every day cures arthritis! the beach is always really beautiful, even at 11am in the afternoon. today there were many families who had pitched tents. i ran past them casually strolling at the beach. i think that the family that sweats together, sticks together. hehe that was the feeling i got through running today. there was a lot of love within the families and i was smiling through it all. there was one family with a physically disabled daughter and her dad was carrying her in his arms, with many family members around them. i felt the girl was extremely blessed to have a loving family beside her, providing her with new experiences, new places. i was thinking a lot about how to convert my family to plant-based and i would love to know about food psychology and how people determine what food they eat. i would start first by telling them that losing meat from your diet is not the point. the point is that you gain so much from plant foods. wealth of health, wellness, learning to appreciate nature, learning about real food, experimentation, knowledge that leads to better choice in the long run. oh, and the long run. all things good in the long run. nature heals all ills and dis-ease.

2. i saw my sister rummaging through the fridge, deciding on what to eat. i told her "i'm going to make some sushi okay, take some". in the end, she helped me shred the carrots and mash the avocado while i roasted broccoli and tomatoes, made the brown rice + vinegar mix and rolled and made the sushi (in vain). i felt like fireworks crackling and exploding as i see her eating the carrot strands with the salty flavoured coconut oil left over from the roast. we both can't eat raw avocadoes, but mashed avos complemented the sushi so well. i was so glad she actually had more sushi than i did. knowing i had stopped her from choosing a processed nutrientless snack made me feel incredible and ecstatic. knowing she liked it made me feel over the moon!!!!!! it was a perfect stay-in rainy evening and bonding over sushi making made this saturday really, really great. i've been making spinach pancakes for breakfast as often as possible and i luvvvvvv it. so do my parents. which makes me glad.
through this sem, practicing conscious eating has been a huge part of my life because i believe in its capabilities in healing the body. it has been a wonderful thing and honestly i've gained a lot from it.

3. my third gratitude bullet point goes to yiyin and our dinner conversation at seizeriya (siberia????). i really embraced it and there's not a lot i can say. except that i am grateful!!!!!

1. the beach. so magnificently surreal. went there at an ungodly time of 3 pm (lunch) and cheryl and i stayed and talked til 5ish when we visited aboutlife (fav bondi food place along w earth to table) 

recently i've been talking a lot to myself and that really helps piece my thoughts together

2. i accessed some of my year-old videos and i noticed i talked a bit differently?? it was like a me yet it is not. 

3. let's always remember we have this empowering ability to think what we want to think. it's not other people's actions that repulse us, but how we think of them that does so. i realize (and this is so relatable in life) that everyone acts according to what they deem is right. honestly no one is wrong , it's just their actions in that moment in time might not have agreed with what we have expected of them to do. in the same moment though, that disagreeable person is doing something that he thinks is done out of good intention. 

the first solo trip of my life

1. i bought this book that melds buddhism and neuroscience together and i just thought it was perfect. it talks about how destructive thoughts come about and the powers of meditation- how it helps. i'm still at the first few pages but already it's a wealth of knowledge. my book of the trip （≧∇≦）

2. walked around melbourne city. today i explored the places the speechies didnt really go explore the last time we all were here. h&m? TOTAL HEAVEN!!!!!!! uuuuuuuugh totally worth my money and the venue itself is so gorgeous. it was the site of the first post office

3. met singaporean roommates, talked to them (they were so nice) and now i'm here, waiting for sleep to come 

（＾∇＾）

1. booked flight tickets to melbourne on a whim (^ー゜)

it is going to be a solo trip based solely on cafe visitations for every meal. i figured i should definitely explore the vegan side of the place since i didnt get to do so in april. im so so so excited. i booked a pretty airbnb for the days that i'm there too. i feel having an airbnb is the epitome of college travels. fingers crossed for a wonderful experience （≧∇≦）

this was what i was waiting for the entire exam period and it's finally here oh my goodness 

2. today's run was the first run in a few days... and i feel i'm finally getting stronger, less tired out over short distances. i pushed myself to turn back at the point in the path much further than i did for the rest of my runs, which was an achievement. exercising to remain happy and to block out the bad thoughts is far more effective than exercising to punish your body for the past 'wrongs'. today i breathed clean air and the chilly sunset wind was aaaaaahmeizingggg

(o^^o)

3. i had a double breakfast today 

it was mad planning on my part!! i had these breakfasts consecutively but i really was craving for sweet mangoes and hence the mango sticky rice. glad to have caught up with cindy after suuuuuh long. LAST TIME OF MEET UP WAS A SEM AGO??? year 1 sem 2 really flew by. it seems surreal that we've completed our first year :"(

just that these past few days have been rather distracting... a lot of phone usage 

sincerely and direly needing the holidays!!!! i envision my days spent running in the mornings and taking photos of breakfasts after that and looking for recipes to feed my family when they come here 

things to do like eating at my fav places (lol >:) )

going to places that tourists wouldnt go to 

maybe a picnic 

and defs a day at bondi with the sand sea and shades 

i like the idea that i am just an infinitesimal make up of this world. my thoughts are a significantly smaller part of this earth but how often do i let the self-centred problems of mine govern my life and restricted me from loving this world. problems seem so blown up in your mind but when you look up to the sky and the neighbouring massive buildings and think of the people in this world living lives- you'd just want to discard your thoughts and look outward 

1. i ran today in the morning!! it was amazing and i got my laundry done too 

seriously the previous night i was freakin out cuz there were a mound of stuff to do, but tackle it one task at a time and everything seems manageable. 

2. no one should ever fear time because if you do, time will just take more away from you. what help does stress give u except nothing much really p(^_^)q

3. we signed for the apartment today in some cold, cold weather. the girls were so excited!! 

cscd aint got nothing on me （＾◇＾）

1. using more of my motor and less of my sensory, thinking less and doing more, why th didnt i think of this before!!!! it totally works

i cant stop thinking, but doing something about it makes crazy more sense 

2. slept properly yaaaaaaas i was beginning to wonder if good sleeps couldnt happen 

3. focus on the end (⌒▽⌒)

did some yoga jn too, that was good 

bad feels conquered after embryology 

2. 

breakfast in the morning at central park be amazing. wasnt feelinf too well after this but i feel better, head is cleared and mind is focused to do one thing at a time, slowly but surely. 

（＾∇＾）

1. stacy won the people's choice awards for her art and this couldnt be more amazing （＾∇＾） theres so much warmth in this house, i love it, especially in a pin-drop quiet time like this, a happy gathering is always appreciated. why you so talented gurl 

(⌒▽⌒)

2。 i think sharing my experiences of negative thoughts and how changing that changed my life really makes me believe that at least i'm walking on the right path. the doubting fears that whisper to me in the background of my mind goes away with deep inhalations to sorta belittle the 1001 overcrowding problems in my head. thats really good. i think people shouldnt lose their potential and goals from getting defeated by hypothetical situations that they conjure up in their head. im also not too sure if two broken halves make a whole..? 

3。been so headachey and warm and throbby but nuuuuuuuh lets not focus on the mountain pile but the rewards of blending 6 weeks of information into one exam paper. 

theres no such thing as stagnancy, either you improve yourself or deteriorate and the second option is not up for grabs 

1. can i just say that i think if all my sundays were as great as today, i'd probably win a life-long happiness award becoz....

I HAVENT BEEN THIS PRODUCTIVE IN WEEKS 

（＾∇＾）

the good vibes were transferred down from a really unproductive sat night when lots of thinking were done about where i should be going w all the vegan shiz going on i feel stagnant i feel like i should be doing something anything inspiring people, making better foods so that the whole world can be converts

on a side note im glad i get to talk to some friends about how positively influencial this whole thing is for me. its finally something that i can call my own and is, at this moment, what defines me. ive been struggling with who i am for years and i feel like an open door now, no more suppressions and holding back of my views, no pressure build ups. 

tried a hand at pumpkin spice pancakes but aye, pumpkin chunks resulted. still a learning journey, the pumpkin tasted like honeydew??? would have loved to taste mushy pumpkin over pancakes (i was dreaming of it as i had my morning run along the empty pavements at glebe)

my favourite vegan blog (i have her page bookmarked) commented on my post i am over the moon - not just over our moon but over the moons of all other planets!! 

2. i went for grocery shopping and made it in time for church (!!!!!!!) where the priest talked about purgatory and it reminded me to fix my priorities. i feel like i need more time for reasoning. 

3. bulldozed through some neuroscience which i'd love to continue doing for the next week. i was focused and actually made sense of things which is what i need.

(⌒▽⌒)

the best feeling of the hour is how everything just makes sense to you and talking it out in your own words just cements the fact that youre finally getting a smidgen of knowledge that you can take away 

typical lunch- baked goods!! 

4. i have been facing my negative thoughts head on, stopping if it they ever get out of hand and talking aloud to myself to remind myself that i am a person not a victim to my thoughts. it works, i see things so differently in a somewhat clearer light. the air that once suffocated me and made my heart pound becoz i was stressed turns out to be the air i breathe that is fresh and makes my thoughts smaller. 

camera roll-in

the wonderful slosh that was today, brilliant in all ways. the cinnamon in these buckwheat/rice flour pancakes complemented the nut butter so well, the meld of flavours made my heart sing

and those caramelized bananas. no wonder bananas taste soooo good glazed. the sweetness just melts out of hot bananas 

a crazy 3.5 hour clean-up resulting in onset of stress and heart palpitations led to this moment: me being in the heart fluttery celebratory mood that lasted for about 10 mins before i headed back to neurophysiology （＾_＾） so thankful for the kind inspector guy and MY HOUSEMATES WERE SUCH ASSHOLES LA THINK I CANNOT PASS RIGHT!!!!?!?! (yall were right bc i was freaking out, i imagined myself being the 1/6 in the house who got the fail grade and got extremely scared. i used copious amounts of disposable cloth to clean my ledge, my table, my mirrors and bathroom *things*)

this is one of my favourite humans in the world, my kind of friend that i know we can talk about from where we left off at any time of our lives. time lags are no problemoez ( ^ω^ ) im so happy for you i could cry sometimes i miss your sarcasm and people might not find you funny but i think its freaking hilarious when you say some sht in a serious tone when its actually humorous thats like sarcasm at a highest level?!!?!! ive been saying hi to you since 2009-2012 cuz youre alw in the same sch w me and thats an awful lot comforting. you deal w my shit bcoz i couldnt handle it on my own and our recent quickie whatsapp convo made me realize how much control we have over our emotions and our lives now. its a huge leap of achievement from the times when we were so closed up with our own emotions. thank you jolene, and aiya you wont see this but i will, in future. the white arrow pokes your nose and thats wut id like to do all my life. i mean i wna annoy you all the time, not just poke your nose mm k

1. my run was amazing. fish market and back

despite the piling stresses, i did not conform to my negative thoughts- i thought i should skip dinner but no i had sweet potato coins and chocolate thereafter (coconut oil, seeds, cacao powder, rice malt syrup)

i thought i wouldnt run bc... "for the sake of time". but f dizzzzzzxzxzx 

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

being fearful of time has never made me more productive!!! now i have listened to some lectures i ought to ketchup on, and im tuning in for the day bc i look fwd to another productive day. 

2. househunting (yet again) stresses me like creeeey but if i do my best, i know i need not worry about anything!!! i have singled out several potential hses w pei. lemme just take it in stride and focus on the now, not the future!!!!! ˊ_>ˋ

3. unintentionally made some fried 'rice' barley for lunch bfr school today. stirred it up w caramelized onions, asparagus, kale and some nori seaweed!!! mmmm, like a deconstructed sushi bowl w coconut oil aftertaste （＾∇＾）

lolcats

hi stacy youre a rocking partner for the proj!!!!! cant ever feel more thankful. let us just win at cscd pls pls pls our 19 hours spent toiling should not go to waste （≧∇≦）

i donut appreciate this photo though 

1. i usually wouldve beaten myself over not going out w the friends for brunch, so this is a bold step for me- choosing to stay home bc i felt drained of energy from ytd, and making myself a srsly amazing big glass cup of beautimous TEA PARFAIT 

ヾ(＠⌒ー⌒＠)ノ

i felt terrible about not going to be a good host, but then i realized i cant be a prisoner of my own thoughts and my own expectations. i dont need to force myself to do something i dont want, instead, i have the agency to choose my own path and this morning, it includes staying home for this ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ

everyone acts in their own best interest and there's nothing wrong with that. i have acted in my own interest, and theres nothing wrong with that. 

i have to slowly accept and be really, really happy with the choices i make and this is it!!!!!

2. it was nice seeing everyone dress up to the nines yesterday at the dnd; and i got to eat vegetarian thanks to zhits,

and the familiar company made it very much enjoyable （＾ω＾）

i am grateful for the people that stick by me, and the warmness everyone exudes

3. my whatsapp to my aunty made me realize how much love ive yet to give to my family, and the extent to which i held back giving this love. in it, she told me how my cutie 10y/o cousin loved to hang out w his other cousins but doesnt want to say it. this made me think of how much ive missed in all of my cousins' lives. not just him, all 7 of them

but being here in oz, this whole experience has given me life lessons i never had. eg i've learnt to accept myself for my imperfections and to support myself in wtv decisions i make for myself. i made myself go through with my intended plans instead of sabotaging myself, i have learnt to read the labels and avoid foods that harm me- all for self-acceptance. i direly needed this experience and thank god i've finally learned to move on from my past self, bc idk what would happen if i kept hurting myself like that. 

1. it was iglu's evac drill today at 4pm. we intentionally left around 3.30pm because we were evacuating too. evacuating to royal botanic gardens. bethea came along today and the picnic mat was sit-worthy. glad she had room to chill. i ran!!! it was a beautiful route and i felt safe along the water. it is an affluent part of town, like the big houses at coogee beach! it was a quiet path, but calming and serene. i took the kind of breaths that make you know you are alive and living at that moment. the one that sort of fills your lungs up and not before first triggering your olfactory receptors. it detects every mm^3 of air that enters my lungs for unique scents. 

i was aiming for that natural casual picnic mat vibe. this needs to go out more often!!!! 

bethea and i talked about real things, like the future, and what we wanted. it was time well spent with this girl who is driven and strong!! 

2. and with this picture, comes the hashtag: eat with intention. 

how often i eat mindlessly and hurriedly. i notice i get my breaths are light and frantic. eat like you love yourself.

although i am more than blessed to have found something that works for me. something that will last me for the rest of my life. <- i was always afraid of committing to anything long term, but this, i can do!! going veg is ma jammmmm

3.

i figured that stuttering assignment was what i needed to do, and instead of the mindless self-sabotage i put myself through, i shed my fears of time away and got down to business. yes today was good. i had hot tea by my side and my nalgene bottle of water for hydration.