verge

Anyone can give up. It's the easiest thing to do in the world. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fall apart; that's true strength.

Smart Japanese

This Charmaine made me lug an entire cardboard box w this baby inside and I ended at 3!!! Blehhh it was all worth it I guess hehe and peeps thought I was carrying fragile glassware though I'd wanted to say illegal smuggling of pet animals haaaahaha
More happy pictures ahead. :-)

Current mindset

Contrary of how I think I'm doing and contrary to what the few people view me to be, I'm actually quite honestly not doing well/ not going where I should. In fact I'm only stagnating. Kinda sucks, hard work always put to waste expelling shet results perpetually.
I guess my secondary school classmates are doing well for themselves, being in positions where they deserve to be. They'll be the boss of me one day I guess hahaha
Okay but a hundred days left and tmr it'll be double digits already. Get the rhythm and push all the feelings and emotions back because it's not worth it now, guys. I personally find it super tough to neglect emotions and sleep even though I strongly support the 'sleep is for the weak' idea.
I pray that I can at least go places and trudge on tirelessly and with tons of discipline.
Life is what you make of it, whoever's reading this.

EDIT/
This is quite bad hahah there's always that gnawing feeling of not ever reaching the top. Acads is like running to be good at it you really gotta give it your all and practise endlessly, really endlessly. I seem to be doing endless mounds of work with little returns. I doubt everything I am tired ajxjeownfleowdhsh

vandals

16/11 inside jokes are quite coherent at times... I guess we were judged when we were rubbing chalk on the floor like child labourers and drawing weighing scales, heavy watermelon on the left and apple on the right because, yknow God didn't make everything in proportion.
I will take care of my eyes because I'd have a hard time inserting contacts into my eyes *smallies*

waking up.

I unknowingly hurt a friend today with my selfish, insensitive acts. I probably should have recognised the repercussions before it actually happened. I finally understand how easy it is to be one to slip into the crowd and float on the boat and how difficult it is to do good things in life that God wants us to do that required a bit of courage and bravery and sacrifice. can't believe I put up a false facade and told myself I'm doing the right thing and yet do many many wrong things that I overlooked.
I am ashamed and I'm glad karma but me back in the butt. My moral compass has been pointing in all the wrong directions this while.

Edit//
Asdflemwpc it kinda sucks causing all the destruction and be the one assuaging the victims like I've done nothing wrong I mean the destruction shouldn't even have existed in the first place if I had been the person I should've been. If I were to view this as a life lesson I would say that my friends have an astounding amount of maturity in dealing with situations, even those I least expected and I've yet to learn That much from them
I'm not the good guy in this battle because I've caused hurt and for my family too in other episodes. I will try to make instauration of this mess a reality
I wish I'd be more clever, if only.

mirror on the wall/ here we are again

trying to make myself think that i'm doing this for the sake of future self.
present sacrifices = future rewards. :-(

just another day in school.....
hazel's coming back to school tomorrow with her teeth fixed, and marcus is in a wheelchair.
thanks for what you said today, it really makes me want to turn my views around,
to help a friend. all the while i've realised all i can ever do is go on to hate people- idk, i think i'm predisposed to. but i won't let that happen again because going down that road kind of sucks. i feel like i have a responsibility now.
hope it works out.

ambivalent.

dark hours

I find myself weaning off faith. God's light is shining so brightly yet I shut my eyes unwilling to let Him in. Maybe it's because I worry about worldly things so much, don't really know how to handle it, I guess. I want to do something to make my life -> :-) , but it's like being on the grocery list of six impossible things before breakfast; impossible and impossible. These days haven't been good in terms of productivity what am I making of myself. Dad's back and it's supposed to be kind of a happy occasion I guess. It's quite unlike me but I built up a wall then I find it hard to break
That's tough. On the bright side his food belly seems to have been reduced hehe thank you happy land and your quite revolting or just different, way of preparing meat. The pigs eat marijuana there. That's really really wrong; think hippy pigs getting hallucinations while trotting in the fields and the dudes going carnivorous on them while getting high themselves. Though I wouldn't mind living and meditating in the mountain ranges, so surreal.
Hazel's got her wisdom tooth fixed. / and I probably do seek solace in social media although I'm a slight opponent of accessing media during meal times
///// spiritual catharsis please come to me /////
Humu sisters are always good and I always got weeps' back.
And if you ask me to pick sides, I won't know where to go

There's a little something called protected time and I'm really dreading school because of it. 5 more weeks til prels hahahahaha shet the time in TJC is actually already limited. Even in this dreadful school there are politics and I choose to mangle myself in it like a dummy. Don't like being affected my life will just be about running and homework running and homework running and homework

Hmm yknow the relationship between the size of your dream/ passion and the extent of your success in life. That's making my head throb because honestly I have no idea and scholarships make it worse because it's an impossible reach, given my ease to succumbing to thoughts in my head okay that's just my greatest downfall; I can still never manage to focus for long stretches of time although it's the most scholarly thing to do.
I'll laugh when this is over, :-/