two days

because oranges are not the only fruit.
much more to be done.
disappointment is prohibited.

and ps what was eaten for lunch a near-week ago w weeps hehe/ neglected jogging this whole time :'(

Crumbs

Maxed out, but not as best as I would have liked it to be. Only one day tmr to finally do something good for myself.
On a bright side, it's finally good to be doing smth for myself and not for others. :-) not in a self-centred way or anything but yeah. Shall keep this going and hopefully everyone is achieving their targets like Korean archery people at the Olympics.
And this week marks my inaugural entering into the capable teenager organisation (or some sheet wtv). Anw I am able to use the washing machine now and it isn't as scary as I thought it would be and they smell pretty alright although I almost barfed when the laundry stench entered my systems unintentionally. Toxic
I wore my pants inside out and I'm hoping it's a good sign that my mind's wonky from all the acad stuff. And I'm totally alright w you reading it cos if you get to this full stop. It shows that you care hahaha yay congrats friend!!!

check it out

"doing some math" on the computer now. genius method!!!!! thankful i got to know ha ha ha makes me happy. so it's actually like basically referring to answers in document form. just wanted to say that..... i always printed out my answers and changed them all to font size 8 times new roman because times new roman is my all-time favourite since sec 2 hehe. even those stupid wretched equations you have no idea.
1. changed my background cos it makes me happy /vintage rabbits woooo/
2. changed my interface cos it makes me happy /woooo rose pink/
3. spontaneous sleeping in the aftnn has led me to late late nights......

anw, picked up a book and it was a self-help book called being happy and i just got this whole enlightenment thing going on. i guess you really got to believe in happy thoughts in order to be happy and to enjoy what you do and not expect anything in return because you know you had this awesome journey to take with you. (yeh anything anything to make me motivated, even if it's just an inch.)

4. people are nicer when you are being nice to yourself.
i think it's something i will try to adopt.
5. the self-fulfilling prophecy exists!!!!!

period.

5th Sept

Lollygagging about my room made me pick up one of my old diaries from way back in 2005 and I still cannot really get my mind off of what I found out about myself. Okay not in that shocking shocking way, just how I was actually such......... a....... Bitch. Wow I didn't know eleven-year-old me could already turn out to be such an angsty hateful girl so maybe this is karma, the way I turned out now hahah answered your long awaited question right guys
Anw the other parts were just mountain-arious. Yeah cos it being hilarious is just too insignificant. (Omg geddit??!! Mountains compared to hills man I wish I got to see people's reactions to that!!)
Like how I thought I was pretty good at drawing and looking at those sketches now I find that I've been lying to myself all this while or maybe I just had my hopes up too high last time hehe. But seven years lapsed and the journal still has the thoughts of my underdeveloped mind, dealing w quite hardcore jealousy (first world problems I guess) and my first television crush and basically just all the other horribz bitchy stuff.
Then there are ofc, the friends. There were lots of mentions of Paige and Gwen and brief mentions of my predecessor of TJ tennis too and Bren and Ariel but mostly lots of classmates I had in P6 whom I still see around sch every now and then. So so nostalgic and not exactly a great time to have to wade through my memory pools but... Yeah. I don't wanna work w angsty kids like I once was ever ever, I can't wait for Ricks to grow out of that age though she's actually pretty mature.
And I came across 2010 Graduation cards that I didn't manage to pass to Kimbo and Lingyi. And now they're kinda irrelevant coz I wrote about inside jokes that now even I can't remember about. Nooooo.

Okay this was put on Queue because this space is forever the punching bag of my emotions hahahhh

/midway/

Couldn't get past the third hour I think, w/o the terrible feeling of not being able to make it. Then I spent life in academic limbo ok i slept w/o thinking. Dayum in retrospect I really had some pretty disastrous outcomes ok just the Os and to fail again would be sick. Maybe just a tad stressed over what other people can accomplish (ie: Ivy League) and what I am now but what could have been if only I didn't ruin my secondary education quite badly. Sheets this is spilt milk I'm crying over. No turning back now keep accelerating keep accelerating please please.

listography

1. If you want to feel good about yourself, bathe in the dark.
How it happened was pretty funny but sensible by my standards! Bro informed me of a cockroach roaming the house but he trapped it near the washing machine whr the light switch for the bathroom was. So I got by by relying on the dining room lights streaming from the door slits. All those insecurities seemed to blend into the darkness and for that reason I was transiently at ease w myself. Not an easy feat I guess. Imagine a world plagued by darkness and all you could see are the souls of people. Inner beauty in its most literal form.
That would be nice.
2. I have this compulsive disorder of checking the darned phone every time, checking everything. It's compulsive and omggggg it must be disabled.
E.g. I'm using blogger at 1.11am not really good no no no.
3. Must learn to cook properly...
I had always thought it to be a normal thing when everyone feels gleeful that they can't cook meals for nuts because we are so first world but this problem is real man!!!! But pre-prelims maybe I will just master the art of the egg wrap coz that's all there is around here. And instanoodles :-(

This space is so updated about daily uneventful happenings that it feels weird!!!! This will be the last post and then I'm bound for more hermit days. Scared.

fatty food streak

Posted on Saturday:
Enraged right now after compiling two screenshots worth of pictorial evidence at how lowly my attempts at brightening people's lives is regarded. SO MUCH FOR THE EFFORT GUYS.

Anw had fun today w weeps at (undisclosed location) whr we talked until I became late for tuition for the nth time in a row. This is mad bad luck really. Though it was worth it as usual, catching up w her and seeming as though we can talk for ages on end hence I am feeling grateful. And virgin experience at (undisclosed location) finally satisfied!!!

Happy birthday once again, Ashikin!!! Don't ever let your inner demons take advantage of what you have. Glad our conversations keep up.

Been thinking about it awhile but. Mmmm :-( focus focus focus. If the same thing recurs I swear I'm gonna flip like a pancake and not in a good way. Idek if I should be pissed or if I'm just looking into things too deeply again. Just not my plan to tangle anymore things and trample on immaculate friendships. Not right now. :-(