crab meat.

some repulsion here, but i know it's got to end soon. i can't keep going on like this. really got to try harder and push it likka sheeet.

yesterday i realised. kinda need to start all over, start to appreciate people. idk. sinhui jas joy wanting and i headed to the field in the hot sun, reminiscent of the days of tennis camp, just that it's all a lil more lighthearted. and we took crazy pictures!! loved it. it's been a while since we done crazy girls-school things! and then we talked at gong cha. it's been a while since i talked-talked with sh HEHE our lives are so interlinked, i love it actually. ha ha, i realised i really have lots to appreciate, just that i don't.

time with the ogls are always fun. laughing with yiyin was shizcrazy hehehehehehe and the me.mes. oh my holy.


yesterday we went to dozo restaurant to celebrate parents' anniversary and damn (worthy of a vulgarity) delish. i felt like such an epicurean tasting all the good stuff since everything was so tastefully prepared, and we were given a private room and all. but the fabrics of the family. i love my family, i'm supposed to, but that closeness between them is a stark contrast between that of friends and i. the tears almost came out. just, not really. like when the waitress was smiling and bringing in the cake in celebration of the anniversary. i don't recall the last time i smiled as magnificently as her. happy twenty years mommy and daddy. i'm so overwhelmed by the opportunities and the protection all these years. i still remember you argued with the montessori staff just because you said you trusted me more and i said something (i forgot), that led to these complaints. and i was only six years old. i know families are something special, i just wish i had pattaya again so i can reignite the enthusiasm and the resolutions.

i have been so jaded, it feels ridiculous to some point, actually. hm. i just want to throw away the past tense and bring on the future tense.

oh and wednesday's training. taught me how i needed to train harder and more frequently til my legs burst i really don't care anymore. so i kinda know what's repelling away from playing, but then i have so much to fight for. i can't be more grateful for my tennis girls. i'm so excited to meet the new ones too, vik, rachel. having them is a mad crazy blessing.
☻☻☻