Doing this for my family

So omg i better pass!!!! My nerves were tearing me down but after sorting out the right mentality in how i shd take the wheel (safe slow driver) my lesson went alright!!!

edit:
FREAKIN PASSED WOOHOO by the hairs on my neck *is that a phrase bc if it is then it's a weird sounding one* 18 demerit points on my third try does no one have faith in me

swear this was worse than As.........

oh man, quite honestly the scariest thing i have ever done in my entire life. i almost went inside the bus lane when it was in operation too but thank u lord for the nice man to remind me not to. (he was my only tester who gave me pointers thru out the test like when to turn my wheel round the bend etc. i work better w nice people around definitely)

me being a real noob posing w my paper. it is truly an important sheet of paper because it gives me the freedom to drive. drivers have lots of responsibilities on their shoulders, says captain obvious. i must never take this privilege for granted. 

mummy can i drive now pls *internal wail*

hõla twennie fourteen

i felt i needed to write an extremely concise essay about positive changes i've done for myself and how i want my 2014 to be (finally taking a firm hold of the reigns of my life).
for the most part of 2013- and quite honestly life prior to 2013, my life has always been about (frankly) pleasing others!! and who i was as rebecca the human was suppressed bc (frankly) i was insecure as hell. today i finally take the courage to recognize myself as a rly insecure person who couldnt hold her own. RECOgnition!! i think just recognizing my own weakness helped me get deeper into who i am, understand myself and why i act certain ways- and make me determined to change things positively. i've immaturely treated this insecurity of mine and turned it into some sort of poetry or art form all my adolescent years. regarded it as another phase of my life and didn't do much to figure out why i needed to feel sad all the time and then blog about it. (in retrospect, my previous blog posts were all vaguely sad, sad about my surroundings. i was blind to the blessings because too much of my time focused on the sad.) actually this insecurity (of my image) has somewhat adversely affected my friendships, family- human contact. i was honestly afraid to lose those around me and was insanely in to the "only certain friends worth keeping" attitude. as a result, even the simplest of actions like replying too late (lol irony) put my emotional self into overdrive and made me think the other person didnt care, etc. now that i think about my past actions, i find it such a heartache to know that i lost connections with people just because they did not level with my expectations of them. anyway all of those sort of internal goings-on in my brain of 'who to keep and who to discard' probably took a huge toll of it. i overthink so much it teeters a lot to the insane side yeah. makes me stressed out even though this stress is completely uncalled for.
at the same time i think i don't give enough time for myself?!?!?! what with all the ongoings in my head about other people

what am i to say when you asked what i'm here for

i'm a bad liar and said i am waiting for mum to come and pick me when it's supposed to be that i'm here so that nothing bad happens to you bc you cannot take care of yourself :"c

realizing my responsibilities shows me how much i need to take proper care of myself (not shovelling food down my throat ever so often when i feel stressed & disgusting myself). i can handle this no biggie

x i see fire x

i bought 4 jars (masons) and a handy dandy slicer/grater set from mustafa (god that place is a treasure trove of all things cheap and nonsensical)

it was a sweechoon dinner today w my 1611s!!! jasmine n i being all nonchalant about the fact that we've just came back from hongkong land of dimsum. we came from farrer park, thankfully not lavender bc i read rly stressful stories of other people walking 15 mins from lavender. we took 10 mins tops. directions are not my thing. i'd have to read the map upside down just so that i correspond the buildings tgt w that on the map and then again, i'd be hopelessly lost. hongkong has emphasized this fact v lucidly hahahaha shewts.
being lost aint necessarily a mega bad thing though. more sights to see and aroma to stimulate your olfactory senses
sweechy: dem amazin liushabaos i swear i can eat 3 of em!!! and flavourful skins of fried tofu w pork floss. we all had that appreciative silent moment for the dawn of such sumptious dishes upon us.
mustafa: we found this screen of a buddhist temple and decided to fool social media that we'd been overseas *again*
it was the worst joke ever bc the screen had black lines where it folds
i think we were a rly weird bunch.... we went around the whole of mustafa and had hardcore (good for the core) outbursts in each section. the indians there judge us
we laughed at long candles that burnt for 85 hours and, "oo candles. for those who dont wanna have sx in the dark" "white candles are meh"

kitchen section- big spoons for big appetites,
meat tenderizers that looked v much like a hammer w spikes,
giant forks w 2 spearheads.. hypothesizing on how each utensil fits into womens' handbag n makes for a good weapon.8
~found my julienne peeler though~ - or a good substitute.

●
is it scary to think that there are no inherently bad people in this world? lance  armstrong was a great man, but he was tossed aside because of the duping. he was the same lance armstrong, a human who makes decisions for himself, while perceptions of him changed because others had found out what he had done. i mean to say that there are no evil people, just evil actions- evil only in that instance. 
people act a certain way for a reason and it is perception of the others around him to judge, according to their own standards. towards my family, i have acted somewhat hostiley in the past few years of my life. i didnt understand why i got so irritated w them so easily. finally, it dawmed on me that i had a lot of expectatioms from them on how to act as a family, just that i couldnt find the avemue to express myself. in this warped sense, i 'hated' my family bc 1
) i didnt realize the great things theyve done for me. ive foolishly taken it all for granted 2) of the different perceptions of what love is. mummy and daddy drive off durng the weekemds w/o waking us up. i get frustrated bc we never have familytime. they didnt want to wake us up from our slumber and had chosen to get breakfast for us. 
-1) & 2) are pretty much the same point- bc im not good at organizing my lists right.
so anyway ppl will always have reasons for stuff. and funny, they will think they are always right. theyd do things which benefit themselves. it is a neutral observation and i can see it very much in myself too.
it's a huge revelation for me bc with this nugget of info i see things in a differentlight. there is greater tolerance on my part, towards others. be it friends, family, commuters, co-workers. i guess it makes for a much happier me since i do not get mad easily at others for when my expectations are not met.
2014 and beyond is for me to be the best version of myself. loving myself = loving others better, sounds flawed but i've made sense of it in my head, really!
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resolutions
1) no nights beyond 2am
2) runs 3x a week or more 
3) eat right ♡ no getting emotionally tied up w food. know that processed food robs the body of youth. packed food

life-changing loaf

recipe from (eatgreencake) ● every bite is meaningful bc of the high density of the loaf, there are nuts and seeds in every morsel

going raw

theres a project called 365grateful and it is of a lady who had suffered frm depression but found great joy in taking a polaroid a day of all th3 things she is grateful for. seems so simple but it musthave taken a lot of willpower and perseverance to squeeze out happy moments even in the darkest of pmsy days.

anw what went down today was hardcore baking w my scholarly friends at home and it was great how we were all excited about healthy raw vegan baking in our own way, like the first taste of the avocado chocolate ganache (instant hit i swear upon it) or just the convenience of dumpin the ingredients into the food processor and waiting for the magic to befall upon us. raw food is an fresh new aspect to explore in the gastronomic realm but definitely worth exploring.
it is also exciting bc it makes me really happy that i'm getting sweet foods at the low price of minimal calories!!! it's my one new years wish that i want to keep at. and hopefully i can bring gems of recipe ideas to sydney.
sydney is this year!!! i have to read a really long contract from the student accomodation place -really impt info there- & the kids are talking about it while i am just..... idk. i'm waiting for a good time to properly open up the documents and read it carefully. woops that time'd better be soon

oh & properly plan and pack for hongkong which is this week *thoroughly excitessss*!!! talking to friends about it makes me scared of the canto-concentration but most of them reassures me that surviving on engrish and weak chinese is fine.