going raw

theres a project called 365grateful and it is of a lady who had suffered frm depression but found great joy in taking a polaroid a day of all th3 things she is grateful for. seems so simple but it musthave taken a lot of willpower and perseverance to squeeze out happy moments even in the darkest of pmsy days.

anw what went down today was hardcore baking w my scholarly friends at home and it was great how we were all excited about healthy raw vegan baking in our own way, like the first taste of the avocado chocolate ganache (instant hit i swear upon it) or just the convenience of dumpin the ingredients into the food processor and waiting for the magic to befall upon us. raw food is an fresh new aspect to explore in the gastronomic realm but definitely worth exploring.
it is also exciting bc it makes me really happy that i'm getting sweet foods at the low price of minimal calories!!! it's my one new years wish that i want to keep at. and hopefully i can bring gems of recipe ideas to sydney.
sydney is this year!!! i have to read a really long contract from the student accomodation place -really impt info there- & the kids are talking about it while i am just..... idk. i'm waiting for a good time to properly open up the documents and read it carefully. woops that time'd better be soon

oh & properly plan and pack for hongkong which is this week *thoroughly excitessss*!!! talking to friends about it makes me scared of the canto-concentration but most of them reassures me that surviving on engrish and weak chinese is fine.

Stifled giggle ¤ Secret sanctum

Celebrated YY's birthday ytd and it was nice meeting up, having (somewhat comfortingly bitchy oops) post-final chats. Rly felt nice and nostalgic, like i get the privilege to relive those pockets of happy JC memories w them. That's basically the joy whenever old friends from past lives meet up and talk like we do not age. Actually really lucky for peng yous i have and i've said it so much since 2009 (urppz puberty) i've grown old n wrinkly just counting them but like rebecca v2.0 here really takes it up a notch when she said it this time.
When i was walking to bedok mall i stifled a giggle while thinking of my choice of friends bc i can't believe i'm so lucky *maybe this is happiness at work maybe i'm lucky*
& the cherry on top is that
1. popo thinks and worries abt me being sh1tty noobz in aussie and not being able to cook ginseng chicken soup (defntly a real cause 4 concern), even though she's hurting.
2. i got to buy dinner back for 3/5 of family today. like an almighty caveman hunting prey for his wife and kids except it's me using limbs to travel to bedok mall to get food- mummy entrusted me w a grown up thing to do and i'm appreciative of it
3. my cousin is in need of a speech therapist and ah yee says she'll wait for me to study my course so she can consult me. i think thats a major game changer for me in how i face my academics next year, hopefully my level of speechie-lovin' will skyrocket and take my grades along with it. but wow grades aside, i think to serve or do anything in fact, needs pure passion and dedication. & to those who have it in them, are absolutely remarkable and command a high level of respect.
i didn't have the maturity to recognize this before. i didn't know how hard people worked to get where there are right now- the sacrifices the heartache the turmoil wow it's amazing
and more amazing to think that everyone has it in them to make a difference in the world. theres so much potential in people and it matters so much what you do w it
i didnt have the maturity to recognize this before, bc it was such a big deal for me to stare at my inner demons and fear it. and that precious time wasted could have been used to notice all the great things in life and make it btr yknow??? a little part of me does not regret my stinky past though, bc w/o it i wouldnt have cme to this conclusion
i managed to handle my feelings such that i dont need to eat/exercise to feel better abt myself <- grrrrrrr messed up mind thoughts.

and huzzah for finding absolute gems in the city hall area and having nam nam phö noodles as a centrepiece for a comfy meet up w/ x. furevr appreciatin the sentences we exchange which somehow alw gets me rly excited to travel and see the world (& make it better yet not affect the unique cultural heritage of it) and like it's all really empowering?!?!?! insane to the membrane.

*trudges on imaginary airport runway en route to bkk* i badly wish for 2013 to end with me having btr relations w my fam n it's all on me now to make the change aughhh

sputnik

been:

• reading short girls; i think it's a chick lit book + a light read. read sputnik sweetheart and if anyone understands the story please help me i cannot comprehend??!!?!?
• cutting the cravings i hope it lasts. it's been ages since i had my last friends meal but it feels better that i am more in control of my food intake. anti-social behaviour up ahhhhh
• wanting to get a bike but not sure if i should just settle for a cheap one from giant or a durable bike from those ancient shops
• pondering about the future
• thinking of how to live differently
• gymming according to hweemin's schedule and remaining sloth-y for the rest of the time hoooooooo
• signing up for *yoga* with *jasmine* hahahahaha really excited for that one
• off instagram & twitter for the sake of my emotional health (hur hur hur)
• sleeping at 6-8 pm, save the days i slept at 11 to make a scrapbook
• adding more cinnamon into breakfast oats (!!!)
• eating mangoes all day every day -asian fruits for asian coloured skin hehe-
• thinking of blogging but haven't been doing so until now.

before continuing i'd like to say a big thanks x infinity to paige for the wild honey date and then to paris baguette where there was 4$ royal pudding in the cutest jar, and some friggin amazing layered cake (what was that called?) and lots of talking until late. and of course her reaction to some news hehe i won't forget that ok. i'm going to wear the birthday socks as soon as i see it popping out of the washing machine. lots of thanks for your endlesss support and great conversations whenever we meet

some super amazing wrap with potatoes at the side, and cheese and veges in the wrap. *million dollar description right there*

some pretty good looking food and girl!!!

• seeing the tennis girls for -admittedly- the first time since a long time ago. the nationals have ended with their last match against njc on home ground. i think a lot more challenges beset them this time around but it's heartening to see the girls grow up and with each other. being in tj to visit them brings back fond memories of last year: japanese egg bowls for food filler at 10 am, getting released early from class, talking strategies at the lunch table, noobly getting ready for the competition and taking care of the team, two senior girls & a lot of junior girls, being really tanned from being in the sun from 10 am til end of match, the satisfying pop sound from opening a new tube of competition tennis balls, the nerves brought about by the service of the opponents and of everyone watching as they held their breaths, cupcakes brought by cheryl one day, floods of pictures, chilling at the sports complex which provided temporary respite from the merciless heat. the company that made the journey memorable. and the gossips that always happen at the dinner table which makes me miss being in school so much b/c things are just that relatable.
• sending charmaine off to thailand the other day. the imminent feeling that this day will come yet not having a proper f2f conversation leaves me regretful, but then there's always the silver lining of her returning during the holidays. makes me wonder how leaving this little homely island will feel like.
• scolding the kids more ((heh heh)). the best day was when teacher was absent for supplementary class and hweem was tasked to go w me to support my own class. she said i told them off like nothing but i thought i reasoned w them firmly idk that's my style....

throughout this time here, i firmly believe that the children should be strictly disciplined for their own good. it's kind of a necessary evil b/c if they get pampered too much and always get what they want just by throwing a good tantrum then what about in future when they can't get their own way? i had a conversation w a teacher who said that yes they're a lot smarter than other children. sometimes all they need is a dedicated, firm teacher to set them on the right path and hopefully their behaviour will change. but of course since autism is a spectrum, it is hard to decipher which child can or cannot be taught in this way. can't really find the right words to put this properly. all i know is that i feel quite strongly about this. there should be changeeeeee

i'm quite grateful for my class. i have learnt that the jolokia pepper is the spiciest in the world (one kid rated eating it as 3 out of 5 on the anxious chart, as if he has come across it bfr in his life, when others simply wrote taking exams or not finding their favourite game as an anxious situation). love how they think coz they make this world more colourful. they've given me lots of perspective as they view things so differently, it's kinda cool. haven't been blogging about them bfr but omg only five more weeks with them and the days just seem to be flying past so quickly.

today i shall be trudging on the road to clean eating. going grocery shopping w mummy and making it official that i will make my own dinners. no more catered food!!!!!! be fitblr-esque and tolerate love avocado and poached eggs on toast and whatnot.

oh yea and first practical lesson last sunday. soooooo tough to manoeuvre the feet and hands and mirrors and other cars and pedals and argh the next day i had a nightmare that dad forced me to drive the car in total darkness.
the other day i dreamt that one kid joined delta cheerleading and i threw something at him and asked him to go away hahahahaha
last night i dreamt that i tried to help my cute kid find his favourite game: naruto shippuden ultimate ninja storm 3 (true fact) at some gaming shop and it turned out to be an imitation

my 2012.

back when everything was ~~alright~~

i mean, not the depicted event, but

according to facebook, this was one of my events.

p.s.: i haven't told my parents about this yet. they didn't ask, so i probably won't damage this mindset of theirs. i think they think i lost it. i don't know whether brutally damaging my camera via death by gravity or stupidly replacing it is better though.......

i want to special mention:

• brenda, 
• deonn, 
• jolene,
• paige, 
• xin yun, 
• jaspex, 
• hazel, 
• jes, 
• weeps. 

omg my mind ain't functioning much, but yea at the top of my fingers. what's rebecca's 2012 without them. (coincidentally, or not, my stupid status is commented by them hohoho.

of course there's the mad class 16/11 wherein we were the target of many teachers- they eyed us like hawks because we were forever below expectations (ok econs was... explainable and forgivable for us) ((on another note, me and chem have absolutely zero chemistry ha ha ha. always has been though ew)) uuuurgh screw this maybe nightmares do come true. but but then i will always remember joy's foreverinhappiness spirit, charmay's high intelligence which became the saving grace of all the grades, buying 5 bowls of japanese rice during breaks, the occasional missing of abi's absence, interceptions during tutorials- sometimes unwanted, waking up jasmine goon jie min, loks' -1 pun making, bitching about ms lai even in class oops, CLY phase, jodi's award-winning punctuality, mr fazli's standard procedure in going through test results (the sighing, the statistics, the 'you could've gotten this question(s) correct' speech), and the most importantly; learning. (karma just be nice please)

i will try not to remember the hideous shade of green that reeks from the uniform.

i always chose to think of 2012 as the worst year of my life, i mean, isn't that what ms ho said the other time, that j2 is going to be the worst year of our lives? it's not really a 'people' year, this 2012. it's more of a time for self-discovery, self-motivated, self-fish. everything self year. i think that's when i kind of lost god which i had held close all the while. until the period when the exams had gotten heavy, ironically. i'm glad though, that i've sorta found my drive back, in general. and how the social networking shiz and self-inflicted societal pressure had inundated me back in secondary school; if only i hadn't given in, maybe i would have been much better off. then again, i wouldn't have unearthed all these friendships throughout the journey in the tunnels called temasek. (had this epiphany when i was running recently)

music: 

• mylo xyloto (coldplay)
• one song by hillsong- hosanna; (in which i had cried the first time listening to it, i think i was stressed by smth???)
• florence + the machine
• adele
• halcyon (ellie goulding) ((only more recently))

things that kept me going when i was @ hell on earth:

• the drive that usually comes in whenever i'm running with the music on, but the actual effect to carry out my motivations has a 10-day-lag effect. fml. but new years resolution!!!!
• photo in sec 4 (right) + words, if not it'd just be kinda creepy HAHAHA
• essence of chicken (inaccurate advertising much!!) + handmade lunch by a family member but it's always kinda reassuring of my mum
• spontaneous unexpected letters
• whatsapp group wherein the group name changes daily cuz must track days to post a lvl freedom yay look where we are now! (avenue for sanity, or maybe insanity)
• the cliched post a promises
• just the stuff on the table ie motivational calendar
• etc~

resolutions

• trust god
• not to cry during a level results release (stupid habit)
• family 
• focused
• stop excessive thinking
• do something w this privileged life
• sleep bfr 12 while i can
• reduce fbtwitterinstagram
• frugal
• homemade meals
• rmb to watch thg in 2014
• reduce effect of others' actions on my self-worth
• stop having unattainably high self-worth
• no assumptions
• eye contact
• wear contacts/ heh mebbe not.

why do i even bother doing this crud at 2 am.

~

to answer this rhetoric q using point form

• habit
• eat junk food w/o judgemental eyes
• blog tradition
• stuff to do in daylight

2012 events

• orientation with og12, ogl sleepover hahahaha shucks i'm still q embarrassed over the choice of movies zomg
• open house cheerleading w pex new member
• paige dropping over at tj / balloons
• sleepover at brenz'!!! first time heh momentous occasion
• tuition at boogz
• nationals w the tennis girls.
• exams aren't considered events
• prom/ 1am macs
• nyny
• 1611 session round 2

ok future me should thank current me

photo of the year: (better than gangnam style)
love it that i'd purposely call jes so i can see the picture
i swear jas laughed for more than 10 secs too hehehe

previously, my year end post looked like thissssss.