this is now, everything is now, chances are now.

"pain is only temporary, but victory is forever."

we have our draw, it seems hopeful, but all the more we should work as hard as ever. just for this month.
our team can only get stronger, (L)

make dew into diamonds ♣ pacify the lions.

hello perpetual lethargy.

here to say thanks for peoples' presence in my life. i feel horrible for treating you like a non-friend, i guess it's eating me inside out and it feels disgusting to be me right now.

but yay the boobs and other beautiful girls in my life.

to be courageous; that's you.

/things are looking up?
maybe for tennis.

can you tell me if you find that i'm not acting like myself?

temasek tennis '12

what is left, if it's a legacy, i'm not so sure. but here's the team of tennis girls.

glorious.

og.twelve.ohtwelve!!

sundays are always fabulous.
especially when fr simon's sermons are on, although we've heard the story of katie and the lift before, it's so heartening and great to see the congregation laugh, genuinely, at the story. i don't know how he does it, but everytime he stands at the pulpit to proclaim, a kind of resolve builds up in me, gets my brain churning on how to change the world. how to make that difference. but right now, i think it'd take a lot. most of the weeks now, mass only gives me time to think about all the other stuff besides god. thank god for fr simon's homily today though, such a blessing. and everyone around us were elbowing each other, telling their spouses how good this man was. hehe, really! okay, i only spotted two separate families at my vantage point. but still. i want another pattaya time.

the onite lights.

:-)

thanks to bren for spending the sunday with me. studying kind of productively and talking and laughing retardedly as usual. missed you, jo. what would my life be, without friends i've known for so long. determined to do my best in everything. what i have to be, no matter how wild the adversities might befall upon me.

holes inside. (joe brooks)

my favourite phrase at the mo. makes me feel happy and hopeful.

But if you hold tight, 

shadows 

will be lost in the light.

oh and my og? we are quite an awesome bunch. thank gewdnuz.

?invalid

that day seems to have kinda come. it's road run today!!! and the weather is as bleak as the future. to be honest, i just feel like giving up sometimes. if people's heart and passion aren't present, then really how come we should be bothering and getting all flustered about it?
were we really just a team with ambitious dreams? i haven't felt positive in a while. and the team, the team is really all i could ask for. these people can be great friends even outside the sport. i love everyone of them, and now that more people have entered with the welcoming of the new year, our determination seems to have grown ever more fantastically radiant, just. they try so hard and ket's pushing herself again and sh is always there and mighty.

and today's her birthday.

i'm the worst ever friend, my life is kinda screwed up and over and i actually forgot about it omg i hate myself for it. this girl, although she's busy like half the time like she should, and she deserves it, has been having my back for the longest time, tolerating all the annoying that has piled on her and the happy times winning random matches, esp the time at tennis camp where i really thought i couldn't but did so in the end, all the complaints and worries she has taken and we have lived through the shiz and the smiles and just life. i couldn't find a better friend and doubz girl. thank you so much, even if it's only been like what, less than a year, or maybe a lil more- about there. times have been crazy and demanding but we've already passed through half of jc life. happy eighteenth. thank you for alw caring.

and then there's again the boobs that i forever cherish. and always remember to write here, for some reason or another. blogging is more of a past time that has lived through the years with me.

to be honest, i don't really know what to focus on. i want to be strong for my team, but this road run. i don't wanna think of how bad my run is. i know everyone's disappointed, and i, with myself too. you guys had really high hopes right? i don't even know how the knee thing got to me. i feel really, really. like an invalid right now. it's as if my best will never ever be enough to pull us through.

and in this time and age, when everyone seems to be preoccupied and i'm only like a wandering thread of dust that has no real aim... i don't really know how to react to that.
and everyone asks me if i'm okay but sometimes you just know that they aren't really the ones feeling fine. i feel terrible that others have it worst than me but yet can keep it all together.
i really need people to read these shet chunks of words, but i'm afraid to.

a few months ago the hype was all about pattaya. the impact was really big, but i guess it kinda faded off. flames to dust. missing that impact in my life again. missionary work, just throwing yourself and sacrificing yourself to god and the orphans seem really mandatory right now.

og12, thanks for being together. thanks for having all these crazy times, as if time can be wasted like running water. but this. is the best, most cherished time ever. cherish your time together og12. there's always this hope i have for them, that they would never burn out. kinda making me miss my og12. we were so averagely great, and the friends i got out of there, were the greatest benefit. (hello, dee.)

it's nearing comp and i don't feel so good. there would always be this gnawing feeling but. my reflexes haphazardly dismiss it. i'm worried as shit. sometimes you don't really want to hold responsibilities and then other times you just have to do stuff.

in other news, i feel so bad for you. i'm sorry i've been a terrible terrible friend, made it awkward and made every time unbearable and tough to swallow. the fact dawned on me today. and i'm so sorry. but you're probably okay with it. just that i feel bad. so i will say i'm madly apologetic. the feeling gets even worse when i feel i can talk to almost everyone, yeah. f la, fml. i screw up everything, like a tractor squishing grass beneath it.

cupcake

i've got nothing
okay so maybe that's like what's been mashed up in my thoughts.

happy valentine's day
cannot neglect the great people in my life right now. friends > everything. like who plays sushi go round on valentines day while doing essays. who gets to eat so many good things from greater people. thanks everyone for a lovely day.

my world revolves in a totally different solar system not like yours at all ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh k

safe and sound.

pdp exhibition today; thank goodness it went well!!!!! set up the booth complete with balloons and posters and icecream sticks and crazy, ostentatious bubble-blowers and loudhailers and big ribbons. all for two dollars!! the wonders of daiso; si shiong would be so proud of me!
really appreciative of my new team girls, rachel, vik, charm. and ofc the perpetually wonderful other people, sin hui and ket. i feel so much more of a real team now, more laughter when we head out after training for bubble tea, being crazy and shouting mad stuff in the blanket of darkness- except vik hehe. wonderful times like these, i hope they'll never ever burn out amidst the strenuous j2 life. the team feels a lot more, motivated now and more people will be popping in like those kernels out into the sunshine, can't wait. camaraderie is really tantamount, and thank the lord, it's there and we're the tennis girls and we're all in this together now as the new team of 2012. not forgetting the laughs that i get from og 12 ogls, during lunch and all. no regrets being an ogl, the sleepovers and late nights were all worth the eyebags and the sickly feeling that you've only slept for 2 hours.
i hope the ogms face school together as a whole but thankfully from what i hear, they're already doing so, and doing well. so proud of them, hope they would last as long as og12'11!!!! still forever and always the best bunch of tj kids.
and i. will. never. tire. of. my. voice!!! but this is insane, hope it gets well soon.

and i feel like i'm trying, i'm trying, but i'm stupid dumb and i haven't and don't really know what to talk to my family about. i rarely hear my hoarse voice echoing within the dimensions of the abode. it kinda gotten more conspicuous with the sore throat, this silence.

alrighty.

Nothing is more deceitful than the appearance of humility. It is often only carelessness of opinion, and sometimes an indirect boast.

ORIENTATION 2012 FOR OG12

MY PHONE COLLAPSED ALR

i love og 12!!!!!!!! though it feels kinda, really more stressful than the previous time. gonna try my best anyway! thankfully there are the loveliest ogls and vik and charmaine hehe.

/friends don't bully friends.