verge

Anyone can give up. It's the easiest thing to do in the world. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fall apart; that's true strength.

Smart Japanese

This Charmaine made me lug an entire cardboard box w this baby inside and I ended at 3!!! Blehhh it was all worth it I guess hehe and peeps thought I was carrying fragile glassware though I'd wanted to say illegal smuggling of pet animals haaaahaha
More happy pictures ahead. :-)

Current mindset

Contrary of how I think I'm doing and contrary to what the few people view me to be, I'm actually quite honestly not doing well/ not going where I should. In fact I'm only stagnating. Kinda sucks, hard work always put to waste expelling shet results perpetually.
I guess my secondary school classmates are doing well for themselves, being in positions where they deserve to be. They'll be the boss of me one day I guess hahaha
Okay but a hundred days left and tmr it'll be double digits already. Get the rhythm and push all the feelings and emotions back because it's not worth it now, guys. I personally find it super tough to neglect emotions and sleep even though I strongly support the 'sleep is for the weak' idea.
I pray that I can at least go places and trudge on tirelessly and with tons of discipline.
Life is what you make of it, whoever's reading this.

EDIT/
This is quite bad hahah there's always that gnawing feeling of not ever reaching the top. Acads is like running to be good at it you really gotta give it your all and practise endlessly, really endlessly. I seem to be doing endless mounds of work with little returns. I doubt everything I am tired ajxjeownfleowdhsh

vandals

16/11 inside jokes are quite coherent at times... I guess we were judged when we were rubbing chalk on the floor like child labourers and drawing weighing scales, heavy watermelon on the left and apple on the right because, yknow God didn't make everything in proportion.
I will take care of my eyes because I'd have a hard time inserting contacts into my eyes *smallies*

waking up.

I unknowingly hurt a friend today with my selfish, insensitive acts. I probably should have recognised the repercussions before it actually happened. I finally understand how easy it is to be one to slip into the crowd and float on the boat and how difficult it is to do good things in life that God wants us to do that required a bit of courage and bravery and sacrifice. can't believe I put up a false facade and told myself I'm doing the right thing and yet do many many wrong things that I overlooked.
I am ashamed and I'm glad karma but me back in the butt. My moral compass has been pointing in all the wrong directions this while.

Edit//
Asdflemwpc it kinda sucks causing all the destruction and be the one assuaging the victims like I've done nothing wrong I mean the destruction shouldn't even have existed in the first place if I had been the person I should've been. If I were to view this as a life lesson I would say that my friends have an astounding amount of maturity in dealing with situations, even those I least expected and I've yet to learn That much from them
I'm not the good guy in this battle because I've caused hurt and for my family too in other episodes. I will try to make instauration of this mess a reality
I wish I'd be more clever, if only.

mirror on the wall/ here we are again

trying to make myself think that i'm doing this for the sake of future self.
present sacrifices = future rewards. :-(

just another day in school.....
hazel's coming back to school tomorrow with her teeth fixed, and marcus is in a wheelchair.
thanks for what you said today, it really makes me want to turn my views around,
to help a friend. all the while i've realised all i can ever do is go on to hate people- idk, i think i'm predisposed to. but i won't let that happen again because going down that road kind of sucks. i feel like i have a responsibility now.
hope it works out.

ambivalent.

dark hours

I find myself weaning off faith. God's light is shining so brightly yet I shut my eyes unwilling to let Him in. Maybe it's because I worry about worldly things so much, don't really know how to handle it, I guess. I want to do something to make my life -> :-) , but it's like being on the grocery list of six impossible things before breakfast; impossible and impossible. These days haven't been good in terms of productivity what am I making of myself. Dad's back and it's supposed to be kind of a happy occasion I guess. It's quite unlike me but I built up a wall then I find it hard to break
That's tough. On the bright side his food belly seems to have been reduced hehe thank you happy land and your quite revolting or just different, way of preparing meat. The pigs eat marijuana there. That's really really wrong; think hippy pigs getting hallucinations while trotting in the fields and the dudes going carnivorous on them while getting high themselves. Though I wouldn't mind living and meditating in the mountain ranges, so surreal.
Hazel's got her wisdom tooth fixed. / and I probably do seek solace in social media although I'm a slight opponent of accessing media during meal times
///// spiritual catharsis please come to me /////
Humu sisters are always good and I always got weeps' back.
And if you ask me to pick sides, I won't know where to go

There's a little something called protected time and I'm really dreading school because of it. 5 more weeks til prels hahahahaha shet the time in TJC is actually already limited. Even in this dreadful school there are politics and I choose to mangle myself in it like a dummy. Don't like being affected my life will just be about running and homework running and homework running and homework

Hmm yknow the relationship between the size of your dream/ passion and the extent of your success in life. That's making my head throb because honestly I have no idea and scholarships make it worse because it's an impossible reach, given my ease to succumbing to thoughts in my head okay that's just my greatest downfall; I can still never manage to focus for long stretches of time although it's the most scholarly thing to do.
I'll laugh when this is over, :-/

It's always a good time

Fml why did I psych myself for the best things then face reality and it's not so glorifying glory?!?! fml rly
TAC today and our video was really wonderful (according to my standards hehe so proud of them)

How am I supposed to upload all the pictures I need to upload???? Fudge

Acceptance

I'm most afraid that acceptance is the hardest thing/ afraid that it won't be done.
Then everything will just suck

Juniors gave us unicorn tears!!!!

Then there's the part where I wish I'd just put a lil bit more effort in everything idk I just feel numb to it. Maybe I'll be one of those that try but end up falling through the cracks

what a game changer

new perspectives

Thank you x2 humujayjays
Circumstances brought us closer /closer than our plants could ever bring us and it is enlightening.
Bowled and went for econs with the VJJs +1 and glad to show them to the productive sessions that happen every Saturdays hopefully all these lessons pull off.
Hehe I think you guys will be reading this, so hello and I think that's all for now :-) be back soon

Iced tea and bench talks.

They're a bunch I will never forget and can always laugh with
Polaroids boost happiness levels by a dozen.
Lots more to life but this is all, ^^ pretty day today!!
And shout out to Humujayjay my favourite ever whatsapp group where epic stuff happens and semi secrets get let out.

Horrible day

Choked on a pill and now all I'm tasting is just disgusted bitter powder clumped at my throat area despite downing water, juice, milk and everything. And being so restless because I can't study with this unpleasant bitter pill taste in my mouth and my mom's not home yet I really wish she'd come back soon. What a horrible hour I yearn for sleep but sleep is only for the weak and the weak also cannot handle pill tastes in their mouths. I need to gag I need to gag I feel lousy, I almost barfed but couldn't because I was afraid and never really barfed anything since primary school I guess

Concoctions.

Amazeballs day w/ these people :-)

Waft

So I woke up in a flurry at the darkest hour to bake my mom a cake. It looks radioactive and tastes kinda artificial because of the food colouring, oh man. I substituted cocoa powder w/ milo and it clumped like hydrophobic things in the flour batter,
I poured the entire pink mixture at one go into the oven so it baked unevenly with the top part protruding out like bukit timah hill and the icing is currently in the freezer because it's real diluted, probably because I found out I had no icing sugar and I used caster instead. Tastes like ice cream and looks a lot like pre-baked cake batter
So yeah there's a few Don'ts you should prolly avoid.
It's gonna rain now and I don't really wanna wake my sister up to help me. It's a sin not to sleep in this gorgeous weather. Rain makes me feel better about life hahahahaha cool air is good air.
I remember the cake pink fam baked at Ariel's the other time. I think pink colouring makes everything seem disastrous hehe

YUP, way back when. 

you are the greatest critic

I think I speak for many if not all, that you yourself are your own greatest critic. Impressions that are given to you by others or what you derive other's impressions of you really leave more indelible marks than any other thing in the world. My life isn't the toughest thing ever, but neither has it been the easiest stretch of road. Biology dept says "you've to conquer your own self" and quite honestly I was quite overwhelmed because it truly sums up my current way of life, how I just am unable to get over some stuff and I gathered today on my way home that I'm really an aggressively possessive person I really am. And it's quite scary even to me. I've been unknowingly holding on to people and really unwilling and stubborn to do anything else. Things to me, don't really seem normal now cuz yknow there is a stark difference in who I talk to- actually not so. Just that I feel quite suck that things are mad mad different now with the whole divide, it's unnerving. Wish I could rewind and act differently from the way I did then maybe things would be different? Stupid me, driven by my own thoughts to do different things. On a happy note, I really do learn quite a bit from class girls. Like even their mild nonchalance (Jas) and their willingness to love every girl in class who tries. It's truly a refreshing change from my thoughts which are really judgemental sometimes and it's just so hard to kick them away. I've been having many happy moments in life just that I fail to see it sometimes, then it doesn't really become a happy thing already. Today was like a rarity, me Jas and Hazel hanging for 15 mins it's completely rare, but today was it. Laughed and said stupid things a lot it's such a trademark 16/11 thing to do, talking about people and stupid things. I will not treat you any different- I will try not to. I won't think so much into things like I always do. I wish things would be a lot like last year, because I'm a huge hater of change but thinking further, would I have been truly happy? It's so selfish of me to restrict people's happiness, or wish to do so. Like even thinking of doing such a grievous deed is already so bad. Life in TJ is ending soon. Pictures are being taken tomorrow and I just wish with all my might that things will be okay again. It won't happen tomorrow, and I know I won't go all courageous to change shit but I can hopeeee and cross my fingers and toes til it cracks. Sometimes I think so much I completely deviate from the lesson entirely. I should really concentrate more on what is important, focus.
And hence this is why you should be conquering yourself, which is by far the largest thing I ever have to do to get through As.
These times are dreary hard and dumb thoughts cannot put me off any longer because I dislike regretting at the end.

Happy birthday B

xx
http://gifboom.com/x/e3525b01
my favourite gif

Gladly hungover, in a wayyyy

Love is meant to be confined to the fiction section. Do directors push so hard to make a good show to the extent of pushing someone's expectations overboard only to let their emotions fall by a mile because reality is not all that rosy? Just a thought.
People are right in sometimes saying that the greatest enemy is ultimately yourself.