im going to bake a raw cake!! for new years eve. none of the processed things flour sugar butter bye
it'a going to be dates carrots and maple syrup
i slept for 11 hours and honestly felt better after it. blended spinach apples and frozen banaynayz and dude it was sick. not going to let bad emotional self ruin this end to 2013.

dont cry- fight it.

i guess i got rly sick of my bland boiled veggies. the colour of the cauli, carrots and beans were all half seeped out. coupled w a foul atmosphere within the house today made me inflict harm upon myself. i should have more respect for my body. i should know better and stood up for myself, instead of concealing all the damn time and taking the blows like it doesnt even hurt but it does. concealing my emotions is all that i ever do. either that or i guard it too harshly until it seems like i'm a hostile, terrible person.
if new years eve is a monumental occasion then damn right i'll make it so. if running should be done in the morning is what i frequently pine for then i'll make myself enthused and get up and do it, out of respect for myself. fck if the hong kong trip is what i'm rly looking fwd to then i better muster up my courage and proclaim it to everyone instead of absorbing other people's opinion on my life.
reb i wish you knew you cant be 20 sans freedom

making these a responsibility

reboot running regime n stop overthinking????
blogilates one hour / day
handwrite recipes from eatgreencake and ohsheglows
get spinach brocco bananas carrots
make sweet potato fries
find coconut oil recipes

NO KERFLUFFLE WILL RUIN MY PLANS especially not that daily tiff about that certain subject when will you ever see the end of it rebecca

burpburp

watched jamie's food revolution; jamie oliver's plight to radically alter the way americans get their nutrition. so amazingly inspiring. i don't know- is it personal choice of each american individual that has landed them in a diabetic epidemic or their culture of food + propensity to magnify their food to gargantuan proportions all the time?
sometimes i feel a little american within myself. like an inability to control what i eat. i've managed, i think, to properly straighten myself out (after being amazed at the ge women's run late this year)
this topic of food and the human relationship with food interests me to no end. there is a great neurological factor at play here, that makes people desire to consume high-caloric foods for a transient moment's satisfaction, it's real bc i felt it.
then moving on to the great control tower that is the brain of the homosapien. (and this is a totally different topic but i've really been thinking this through a lot)
self-worth. i have taken this long to realize that great self-worth comes when you yourself decide that you are worth more than you thought you were. you decide whether you want to take care of yourself better or not- splurge on better quality foods for your own well-being, don't ingest poisonous synthetic food with ingredients your 5-year-old self cannot understand (thx jamie oliver), sleep earlier sleep better, make it a point to wake up in time for the sunset- or more preferably, be at the beach just for it. make yourself satisfied and don't do things just for the sake of others. be selfish sometimes b/c sometimes it is for the better. it really is true that if you have more self-worth, you have greater power to positively affect the others around ya.
the root of all these wonderful things; the mind.
it is also a great agent for change in any situation and circumstance. set your mind to change the status quo and let your body follow it.
i'm not sure how i was last time. i remember i was acutely self-conscious of what i did because i feared, ever so often, that my actions would garner dissatisfaction from others around me. if only i knew how to hold my ground. if only i wasn't too harsh on myself on needing to please other people. if i was less passive i think my jc life would be crazy different haaa.

dailies of my life circa '07

i think that was my entire adolescent life. (emotionally in isolation) i finally can say today that i am not self-conscious of this moment anymore!!! embracing this horrible period of mine (2007 - 2011 probz) as it has shaped me into who i am n will be in future. 

can't change it anymore so credit it for making you who you are on this very day.

flower boxing day

they have develped vsco for andriod!!!! what a milestone for photo editing now heehee

personally my favouritest thing ever from the entire day of picture-taking. this: one of the rare moments captured of us humus in fake action.

my #2 fave moment of the night

now that i'm ready to face the world, my to-do list has fizzled out a lil' bit- i don't have much to face right now. but hello i hope the holiday season has been as amazing to you as is has, me! really made it a point to make it a happier one for my sustenance for aussie 2014 which i am fearing day by day. 

26/12

invited the girls over for a really awesome boxing day night (hee @ juxtapositions)!!!

• i placed a sashimi on hazel's plate in a bid to coerce her into trying out raw food
• blew coloured balloons
• wore a top which had a colour that couldn't be classified *salmon? pink??*
• jasmine made flower crowns for all of us while she watched kdramas
• gift exchange which was the sweetest part of the night
• inspired by a gift idea that i read somewhere, i bought six airtight plastic containers. together with my sister we measured cornstarch, flour, confectioner's sugar and baking soda- dry ingredients for nutella cookie sandwiches aka yo-yos, for each of the girls. all that is needed are wet ingredients like butter, nutella and van essence. (hate to say it, but i think this is my best present idea to date bc it's most home-ly and un-synthetic) (other instances of my present-gifting suck....)
• 7 polaroids in the garden

there was something about that night, a night termed by jas as "better than prom". it was though!!! i wasn't outrightly appreciative of this group of girls like throughout my jc years as i would like to be. terribly cliche, but i do wish right now that 2012 rebs would be more genuinely happy in the company of these people and show it. we had lunch together, talked to the porridge uncle, ordered tehbz, endured remedials and terrible h2 econs classes and a bxtchy form teacher,

we banded together during pe lessons and rolled on the synthetic football field once. and prom. we got through prom together and it was good (!!!!!11)

these people are gold. i wish my heart was there more, for them and the time together esp j2 (what a year.)

things get amazing if you want it to be.

say smth, i'm giving up on you

when i see mango sticky rice in bangkok

here's my ultra qt pie auntie who loves to pose for peace-sign shots, she's so wonderful and i didn't give her enough recognition in my childhood

en route to suvarnabhumi airport via express train *snazzy*

this was supposed to happen on the first day!!!

mindblowingly good buys from bangkok!!! i would think the stuff there fall short on quality, but i stand corrected as even chatuchak had blogshop-worthy clothes and solid leather platforms/
but for the most time of this trip, i spent with family and soaking in the sights this city's got to offer. money does buy great experiences sometimes as of our hotel which was *heaven* and i watched frozen in 3-dimension with my dad n ricky, our fam yolo moment.
fun fact: we had to stand up before the movie commenced as the king's anthem was playing. everyone in the cinema has to!!!
mbk, platinum, terminal 21 had us as visitors, and i tried the massages at healthland-
(strongly do not recommend the thai massage it was two hours of immense pain to the muscles ha ha and it was ticklish too; i shocked the lady when i jerked my foot up as a reflex bc she touched my soles and my dad mum and aunt laughed) and in the aromatherapy one u had to be stark-naked save for the tiny disposable black underwear while the masseuse rubs you with oil and she rubs your butt cheeks too... no shame no shame.
amazing seafood on the last night and coconut ice cream at chatuchak and mango sticky rice at terminal21 where we stayed ($2.80 for a big plate), marvellously great deals all day

speaking of chatuchak market, i planned to meet magnum before we left but it was heart wrenching bc we waited at different stations and he waited for two hours which speaks volumes of his kindness and he even contacted brenda to try to contact me but on my side i didn't have wifi (the worst ever way to travel handsdown). would have loved to meet him + my family was so sad it was amusing.

frozen was so good i caught it again w jo and shaun (jo proceeded to watch it like a second time in a day w alvs aww). haven't been able to revel in the shared memories of pink family between the years of 2007 to 2010 bc 

1. overprotective mother 
2. oppressing curfew (to be back before sunset)
3. they always seem to hang out at night idek....

but anyway bren jo and ariel are my friends-i-go-to-most-frequently and i'm really grateful for them being in my life and accepting all the shitty vibes i throw at them, my poopy insecurities and their willingness to fight them w me by not making me think about it bc they're positive people.

^ the stark contrast of that brief paragraph and the actual reality of my adolescent years and the heavy-overthinking which i do bc i was very reactive to what other peoples' thoughts are; are as extreme as black and white rly.

i love the later part of 2013 bc i get to be close to family, be close to friends worth treasuring for a century. would not like 2014 to arrive at my doorstep now 

Stifled giggle ¤ Secret sanctum

Celebrated YY's birthday ytd and it was nice meeting up, having (somewhat comfortingly bitchy oops) post-final chats. Rly felt nice and nostalgic, like i get the privilege to relive those pockets of happy JC memories w them. That's basically the joy whenever old friends from past lives meet up and talk like we do not age. Actually really lucky for peng yous i have and i've said it so much since 2009 (urppz puberty) i've grown old n wrinkly just counting them but like rebecca v2.0 here really takes it up a notch when she said it this time.
When i was walking to bedok mall i stifled a giggle while thinking of my choice of friends bc i can't believe i'm so lucky *maybe this is happiness at work maybe i'm lucky*
& the cherry on top is that
1. popo thinks and worries abt me being sh1tty noobz in aussie and not being able to cook ginseng chicken soup (defntly a real cause 4 concern), even though she's hurting.
2. i got to buy dinner back for 3/5 of family today. like an almighty caveman hunting prey for his wife and kids except it's me using limbs to travel to bedok mall to get food- mummy entrusted me w a grown up thing to do and i'm appreciative of it
3. my cousin is in need of a speech therapist and ah yee says she'll wait for me to study my course so she can consult me. i think thats a major game changer for me in how i face my academics next year, hopefully my level of speechie-lovin' will skyrocket and take my grades along with it. but wow grades aside, i think to serve or do anything in fact, needs pure passion and dedication. & to those who have it in them, are absolutely remarkable and command a high level of respect.
i didn't have the maturity to recognize this before. i didn't know how hard people worked to get where there are right now- the sacrifices the heartache the turmoil wow it's amazing
and more amazing to think that everyone has it in them to make a difference in the world. theres so much potential in people and it matters so much what you do w it
i didnt have the maturity to recognize this before, bc it was such a big deal for me to stare at my inner demons and fear it. and that precious time wasted could have been used to notice all the great things in life and make it btr yknow??? a little part of me does not regret my stinky past though, bc w/o it i wouldnt have cme to this conclusion
i managed to handle my feelings such that i dont need to eat/exercise to feel better abt myself <- grrrrrrr messed up mind thoughts.

and huzzah for finding absolute gems in the city hall area and having nam nam phö noodles as a centrepiece for a comfy meet up w/ x. furevr appreciatin the sentences we exchange which somehow alw gets me rly excited to travel and see the world (& make it better yet not affect the unique cultural heritage of it) and like it's all really empowering?!?!?! insane to the membrane.

*trudges on imaginary airport runway en route to bkk* i badly wish for 2013 to end with me having btr relations w my fam n it's all on me now to make the change aughhh

my thoughts are stars i can't fathom into constellations.

caught the hobbit (desolation of smaug) w my family on friday night. i've always regarded it as sort of a tradition: all of us watching peter jackson movies since its inception a decade ago (!!!). one more great hobbit movie to go!! legolas still being amazing as ever. i clipped up newpaper articles of him and of a troy movie advert bc orlando bloom was in it. omh he's heaven even after a decade.
these few days were a blur, but i rmb visiting pops and seeing fam members i'd normally only see on weekends. i can never stop appreciating how our family bands together in a time of need like this.
met paige and time w her is always cherished (thank you). had 50c sushi and really proud of us not biting off more than we can chew ha ha preventing our fatty cravings from getting the best of us and what's pretty amazing is that when i would normally polish off junk when i reach home- i didn't!!!! i felt it was such an accomplishment at that particular moment, like my road to progress is being constructed really well. it's real it's happening and i will adopt it as my whole new way of life. my feelings since bhutan have lingered (in a good way). there was limited variety of food and i packed raisins, prunes and nuts for the road and also brought like 5 apples and persimmons. i felt at ease because my food choices were reduced to those few better choices. and i guess right now i am trying hella hard to condition my body not to fall easy victim to foods bad for me. i love drinking hot tea in bhutan too!!! *ribbon around finger* must do that here.
they serve tea in every meal, mostly black tea. it suits the weather and food perfectly. a truly harmonious amalgamation of flavours complementing one another. really amazing! green tea has an amazing nutty flavour which i'm extremely addicted to. <- gotta have more of that!!! <-

welps today was bedok mall visit number 2 w my uss gang. sampled tim ho wan and itacho sushi- crazy delectable hk n japan cuisine. really the variety of food here is unmatched. haven't seen those girls in ages esp yy and we laughed ha lot (geddit). at one point we reasoned w ourselves why we are trying on uniqlo winterwear in a noob attempt to prevent the staff from kicking us out. we tried 3 different winter jackets and all was well.
"eh this one not bad leh only 179.90$"
"omgosh it's so soft feel it"
"we need this for our korea trip right, how cold is it there ah"
and in the end:
"oh man our flight got cancelled"
"oh well too expensive, i'm putting it back on the rack"

why are we almost 20 y/o (?)

perfect II

1. push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.
   
   2. push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable.
   
   3. erase processed food from your diet. start with no lollies, chips, biscuits, then erase pasta, rice, cereal, then bread. use the rule that if a child couldn’t identify what was in it, you don’t eat it.
   
   4. get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else.
   
   5. stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything.
   
   6. buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.
   
   7. buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small.
   
   8. strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full.
   
   9. organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle.
   
   10. have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.
   
   11. push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog.
   
   12. message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through.
   
   14. think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything.
   
   15. become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends.
   
   16. lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you.

i saw this on tumblr (thx xy) and i fell in love with it. it's the ultimate perfect happy lifestyle guide. that and loads of digital detox. 

tough times don't last but tough people do.

fate/ life/ god is a funny being. he plays humorous jokes like adding twists and turns to an otherwise seamless smooth journey called life. just after bhutan, ironically the happiest place, an uncomfortably worrying sad thing arrives at our doorsteps once back home in singapore.
my family is so strong. i saw family life through a frame today and it was beautiful; smiling but we're close to tears. laughing when popo thought she was wearing specs when she had tubes in her nose. there's light everywhere, even in the darkest moments and that's pretty gratifying.

people are not made happy because of the circumstance they're in, but because of their individual outlook on life

i realize everyone- irregardless of societal status, wealth, health- gets bountiful opportunities to be happy.
TAKE
IT
and guard it fiercely. it's all yours so savour every last morsel of happy. idk, but this night made me happy albeit it hypothetically being a sad occasion. i played w my littlest cousin today; carried him around and went to peer into the miniature water installation, i went to have kway chap w my parents for dinner after touching down. i know i wouldn't have done these things a year a month ago, not even close.

perfect.

Last night here in Bhutan

I will be at a loss of what to do after this trip (there will b a flurry of meet ups w favourite singaporean people and xmas shoppin n -hopefully- postcard making). Flying off in the break of dawn at 7:20 from the Paro Airport. When we first stepped down from the plane what amazed me was how traditional looking the airport was, what with its very asian /ancient china looking roofs and intricate paintings over the bleach-white walls. The architecture of this country is pretty-no very consistent which is a beautiful and fascinating thing! Bhutanese take pride in adorning houses w beautiful handdrawn designs and intricately carved patterns on every window and door.
This country is frighteningly beautiful and rich with traditions and beliefs dating back centuries that it deserves to be fiercely protected and kept away from the ominous clutches of globalization. Im no buddhist but the richness of this country is enough to make me a convert. *tbc* *does religion have to be a strict thing or can i have two religions at once idk this is bad*
Today we had the 'grand finale' of this trip, the climbing of thakhsang (900 frightening metres abv ground level) & we left the hotel at 8am, came back at 4:30. The route was peppered w hardcore steep slopes that makes lungs burn from the high altitudes and the rays of the sun make u heat up and want to take off your thick coat despite it being the chilliest of the winter days. The people sold walking sticks and made horses available for rent although we used our feet to conquer the mountain. So excited to upload the photos bc its picture perfection and so, so underrated u dont even know!!!! idek. ♥ dad has alw been super positive thruout the climb bc it's his third time now and he'll b all "ok this part means we're reaching alr", "after this part ah i must warn you first, it's going to be very steep"
In the middle of the journey, as a trademark of all vertical hikes, they served us tea and biscuits and i think it's so cute bc the ppl are friendly and where the heck do they make tea and biscuits in the middle of nowhere right
The climb was undoubtedly rewarding as the views were bucketlist-worthy, the cliffs were sharp and grey n seemed like a big budget chinese movie set. More than that.
I finally know why daddy has alw been excited about bhutan, i had to see it to believe it and then fall in love w it. Hes also super well-versed in all things bhutanese bc of his frequent trips so all my qns could be answered hahahaha informative.

tl;dr- bhutan is underrated and beautiful hence worthy of everybody's time and consideration!!!

Bhutan

Its been my fourth day into touring this majestic country. It yruly is untouvhed by the factory-made artificial goods like McDonald's and Ferragamo n life is simple anf content here.
Everythjng is made locally anr what made me yhr most happy is thqt there are no pesticides used in thr veggs and fruits. Things are organic yet they are cheap which is a stark vontrast from sg imported crops bc they jave to b expensivr first befpre they are otganic. For all my meals here ive never sampled a veggie that has that bittwr aftertaste remnant of pesticides. That has got me thinking of life back home; that they would make poisonrd veggies available for the masses whilr only the higher tier enjoys pure things??? The economy has driven our decisions that result in really nonsense choices.
This country id poor yet it does not feel that way. All thr locals are genuinely friendly and treat us tourists kindly wirhout any hint of xenopjobic hostility. Food is cheap here (we d be rich bc of our exchange rate!!!) We dined at a sligjhtly westernizrf restaurant w a massive pizza sized 'regular' costing SGD6, quality uncompromized. Yak burgers *yolol* w a side of fries are SGD4. Digressing- yaks n cows r everywhrrr even on yhe roads. Thr roads r mainly one-laned so sometimrs we have yo wait for thrm to cross or thry can be 15cm away from the van while the driver expertly maneuevers his way around these animals.
My dad has somr friends ftom the ministry n we had amazeballs authrnic bhutanese cuisine. We shared momo and noodle soup one time n it was SGD30 for 13 people. Momo are carbohydrate bombs bc they r xiaolongbaos with a mad generous outer layer. Beef dumplings essentially. And thr hpapy people dining tgt ultimatdly constitutrs a happy meal!!!
We travel a few hours eveeyday n i never ever sleep  on the  bus bc its alwaus a sight to look at the mountains from yhr van windows. Roads are beside cliffs so steep its exhilaraying to look down below. BEST PART IS THERE R NO BARRIERS!!!! *roller coaster feels* also i dont slp during road trips bc im holding my pee ever so often. Ive even come up w stupid pee phrases like "its not even high tide anymore its the freakin 2004 tsunami", "my bladder is crying". The roads r not v well maintained n its bumpy all yhe time. Makrs me wna pee even more which is why i peed on the grass a coupla times.... its so so fun maybe i waa meant to live in the wild or smth.
We've been visiting temples, buddhist university (!!!!!) for aspiring monks and ive learnt a lot about buddhism. Tbh i avtually ljke it, i like the stories the guidr tells us when we comr across rlaborate n beautiful paintings on trmple walls, and i feel there are a lot of trachings about happiness, attaining enlightenment. How the demons arr actualy in the thoughts of individuals which i agree 100% not just bc i rxperirnce it sometimes but it justifies a lot of actions from other people as well. My thoughts r flurried but thesr are my vague takeaways.
Since bhutan is in thr middle of literally nowhere ok, somewhr near india and the himalayas, the slopes. The slopes make me cry. To visit the buddhist uni, we hiked up a crazy steep slope probly 50 degrees in angle, no joke. It was cold yet i lamented to my sis tjat my back had a sheen of perpiration bc it was so tough n the altitude was making my head hurt n my lungs gasping for air. The view was so amazing though. *cue miley cyrus' the climb*
lol no ew
I see clouds on mountains i see clouds below mountains i see mega fit ppl (with like beautiful legs HAHAHA result of going up the slopes evryday. Its not xonsidered exercise tjat they jate doing. Its a way of life!!! I wish i have that heh singapore is so automated tjat it has become a norm to get on vehicles onstead of using our bodies as a form of travel. Such a worrying yet peculiar contrast)
Theres a nicotine-laced food thing, similar to cigs- beetlenut juice it stains teeth red and kjnda scary looking as if bleeding gums are a prevalent disease here. And patches on the road have red splotches whr ppl have spit. I have yet to spot wild marijuana as my mum has promised though
Im typing on board the van n i feel gd bc today not so high tide ah. Heres the view