How to eat a cupcake correctly.

This was completely new info to me bfr I read it on a xanga site
But this is rly heaven when savoured in this way ☀☁☀

Day -kinda- One

I feel that I have been made into a good person by today. It's just the feeling where I feel I wanna focus on what's important, it's already been too long that my studies have been neglected. I don't know what's wrong but I didn't improve as much as I'd liked. And now there are no more chances, which hurts.
Hi X, do you remember the time where we sat at a random Vivocity bench, talking about ourselves and having complexes and insecurities (and it really meant a lot) tied with a good packet of chips. Our conversations have totally changed now, like in a good way- I feel more driven to take charge of my own future and I just really hope whatever we aim towards works out. I feel so inundated with studies; maybe because of As being more rigorous than Os I'm glad reality finally slaps me for being foolishly in denial. I firmly label today as No Regrets day. Today will *finally* be that push to take me fwd, I pray, and it'll be the opening of greater, happier days that I must live with no regrets. Future days that will not be peppered with oh man I could have done more but didn't. Okay X, ☀ couldn't ask for a better monkeyoat. Thank you so much.

"Hey can I see your notebook?"
"*rambles smth*... No but I can let you see the first page"
"Well I got something to add to your collection"

HEHE XY YOU'RE TOO SNEAKY LUH OMG :')

Biscuit Breakers

Thx awsm kids. :-) Enjoyed the company today and love the weather. Post prelims weather is off to a good start, definitely.
Had four waffles of the exact replica and a massive volcano of a waffle monster on the table. And Jodi's lovable expressions haha.
And flashback to the time last year (was it?) whr we had Udders in this chilly weather talking about us talking in 50 years' time (I think?). I love the idea of a time capsule- or just one of those comparisons betw past and present; it just feels like you conquered time which is a tough feat.
Happy end of prelims. I feel like I'm in the eye of the storm now where it seems fleetingly blissful. I am reluctant to move from this moment.

Posted 21 Sept

Orchard and talks.

And if I lost the map
If I lost it all
I fell into the trap
Then she goes

When you're tired of waiting so you just
Find that you never had to stop
Come on baby, don't let it break your heart
☁☁☁✌☁☁☁


Aye, better to have loved than to have not loved at all, no? Thanks Webabx these two days would have been mad boring and stressful w/o you around.

Saturday was good, supported Vik & Rach for their match at Lakeside; thanks to everyone who wished heehee you guys are sweetest, and today today, at Orchard which was good stuff since I haven't stepped into Orchard for months on end- feeling accomplished like maybe I'm on the right track somehow!! Hopefully, maybe. Well, we haven't been playing for months so we kinda got thrashed? At least we tried heh (major accomplishment, sin!!!) BUT DAYUM THOSE LADIES!! Rly respect man haha maybe I will adopt the American accent, grow old in America, come back to Singapore so I can join the American Club and play until my bones can take no more.

Anyway probably will insert one of those trademark chunk of words here that I do!!! Soon. And why only a few more mths til As?!? Time is mad. Will try to reduce posting freq until it ends yup pulling out the big guns man.

Meeting z boobxz later I hope Jo is good and not tired haha I'm actually excited cuz idk when was the last time we met

Maybe I am actually content w my life. I hope this goes on for a long long time. Not worth having time to be your plane's autopilot, have to drive it yourself. And carve the precious seconds into diamonds ✈

/updated
Round of applause for God for bringing me a great day today + mum's happy mood heh + tons of laughter on the way back home like it always was

Smiling but we're close to tears.

Hello, it's me again; I'm kinda wishing this would hurry up and be sold in stores now although it'd pretty much be instax-like, but how cool would it be to carry these arnd and filter using the iPhone AND THEN THE PIX GET PRINTED FOR KEEPSAKES in all it's analog glory oh my. Going picture hunting in sg would be amazeballs and so would going globe trekking arnd the world w it.
I realise (pretty much been doing a lot of this lately;) that I make my own problems. It does happen it really really does. My problems are pretty dumb actually, I can imagine laughing about it in about fifty years time....? Dayum we rly got a lot of time to live on this planet eh heh ok touch touch lots of wood. So it kinda stems from being needy, & it's pretty pathetic but I still do it anwzzz haha sheetzx.
Had things sort of in perspective today, rly thankful for Jordan for those words. I must try my best to hold them fiercely right up to judgement day// month and not wander off my path. Sigh, and thank my family too, for keeping my surroundings safe and well amidst the occasional sibling bickering which I rly hate to hear and try my best to avoid.

One last paper and maybe I can try to do smth about nothing. Oh, and the tennis matches too hahah I still think it's madly impulsive and wacked plus it's at twooooo in the afternoon. Sinhui if you're reading this, I really don't know why we do this :'( I want to put on the masks that make you look thiefy that they wear nowadays on china beaches argh
On the bright side not literally (☀☀☀!!!), I guess we really do need some vita d ... This period is too painful to do anything like running and eating is my substitution and it makes life even more painful. { Ok I'll never be sad anymore, this is 2 fing am and nth can command my emotions to feel negative things.
Last burst of fire, like my dad alw says hahah o m g sadly I'm following the Voice and I can see why ovaries explode for Adam Levine alr. Shake me & shout to me to set my priorities straight!!!!

Hehe glee

Been following with The Glee Project but I had to check the spoilers and....... Disappointment hahah it was
*spoiler ahead*

Blake, but honestly there were just so much other unique people on board and they all took the cut. It's quite emotional this whole thing haha maybe too holed up but yeah. Prior to my knowing the results I thought that Glee was pretty much about celebrating differences? Though the writers have a point about weaving the character into the storyline and Blake has the better chance

Aaaahah okay happy birthday to chow Zhi hui Nai iyn Huii & chia Lingyi!!!!! So many leaders aw man ✌✌✌

And finally, a lil sliver of light at the end of the tunnel. And banmian w the class girls wanted to type ramen heh & planning post prelims cancerous journey would have to wait oh manz

By Paulo Coelho

Time to make this the 3 month long motto from now on yeah.
Two more days only two more (effectively speaking) days
((more muscle emoji))

Past.

Reading lecture notes are good, in a way, I can look at all the past doodles and I realise I never do any of them hehe ☀☀☀
There are like drawings of boobs and hearts and Pokemon and proclamations of love to very.... Endearing people. And just mostly boobs sigh

picture

May seems so way back. Well thank you phone for reminding me of this time.
Strength to carry on (muscle arm emoji)

Someone please slap me for trying to be needy and not focusing

i don't really like titles much

interrupting a studying hiatus to bring you..... my thoughts, i guess. the mighty glob of grey matter actually does powerful things. i m not really sure how it happened but i suddenly felt a lot better (emotionally) after the midway mark of this week. and i have to say this week was a heck of a week. the general paper actually seems like such a distant memory now!!!!!! and if you're in need of a pointer to tide through this, it'd have to be positive thoughts. it worked wonders for me and i felt a lot calmer. it's true how if you want something really bad it goes away all too quickly, but if you're cool with it and be all jamaican chilling out in the carribean beaches with the ukelele (though not really to that point) then everything just comes to you? i cannot comprehend myself sometimes and i don't really know how to face one more week. i guess we all have to take it in our stride and not think about the consequences however terrrrrible our minds perceive them to be. cause then we will be even more stressed and feel like jumping out the windows and not even the papers used to make notes for the entire jc bio syllabus can save our asses. like digging graves for ourselves idk does this make sense i'm not really looking back at what i type.
i don't even know who i'm typing for ok this is for future reference for myself when i look back and think of the horrible time prepping for A levels is. just wanting to make everything worth it. and i'm pretty sure if it was old me looking at the amount of words i'm typing out about my acads i'd be severing all ties with myself but..................... :-(
read  through my crusty old diary (it wasn't really as crusty the same time last year but poo) and chanced upon some wise words by stella, smth about being in the hall and not wanting to regret that you could've done much better than your peers. regret would be a really great fear of mine.

so anw succumbed to temptation and bought myself cancerous koi and i drank bbt twice this week but bleh makes up for bbt deficiency since june hols or smth, and lunch w jodi joy jas jj esther and i'm wondering why everyone's name starts w the letter j maybe the j people just conglomerate to form a j clan. secretly feeling quite bad for not stepping in parkway for a real long time i think the last time was when magnum was in town and we ate beef newdles at the hawker ctr with lots of orange fishcakes. well today we had wanton mee and there was lots of hype about pierre png and andrea d cruz who were in super close proximity and twas all really exciting cos they were going to buy a mop or smth but didn't. and jodi with her nuts and yup.
life like this would be okay i guess.

happiness does not depend on what you have or who you are, it solely relies on what you think.

thanks buddha. i'm tired of finding happiness so maybe it will come to me if i don't care about it. life works that way.

exams

Just looking at future career options. The inset would be a good hint as to what I'd be doing so yea.

Not funny anymore idk why I'm so dumb

Yup okay smile.

please God

Feel compelled to post this, just because idk really. I feel a bit disappointed that I studied quite hard and keep chanting to myself that I'll pull through for Chem this time and I'm not so sure. And the looming Econs and Bio makes me fear the days to come. I know time doesn't rewind but idrk what else to do? I keep self-destructing and there's not much time left to rewire my thoughts anymore omg I guess I want this all pretty badly and it's placing stress on me. Everyone does and everyone feels it so hi guys you can do it. Self-destructing because I keep getting stupidly tormented by my own demons I'm so tiring of that already idk if I should handle the midnight oil????? There's not much asdfghjkl just being cooped up here in my room I couldn't solve a Chem question and it hurts haha this is stupid I really want to bag good grades for Econs and do MChua proud because he really did a lot for me in my understanding and to falter now would just be so so wasted. I know the sacrifices made now will reap better greater fruits in future but I..... Guess this is just the trough of feeling dismal and self-pitiful.
Never actually realise how much I wanted this. I feel different feelings from two years ago. I feel more motivated yet I know it'll hurt more if results don't come as expected.

I will try to change myself, please wait for me. :-(

exam mass

I will remember this day throughout the rest of my life up to maybe the last paper of As :-)
"God only helps those who helps themselves". In my flurry to catch all that fr Simon said, I felt that was what rung out to me the loudest. Like since primary school, everyone says, w God, anything is possible, but this reality says, with hardwork, anything is possible and hence hardwork + God + honest goals set = pavement towards happiness.
Kinda surreal I think, planting ourselves in the middle of the church with D and Bren! Happy to mass w those kids and w Sheryl and Mel too.
Okay four stars in sight must be done and let's work at it I'm so proud of you guys!!!!
And I cheated okay darn I got home, whatsapped and started eating my muahchee HAHAH but IT IS GOOD GOOD MUAH CHEE THE SOFT KIND BOUGHT BY MY GRANDMA omg why does muah chee taste so good is this a sign of my distraction from studying sigh pie fat days fat days

my new dream is to have one oreo of every flavour in existence

i want to try this the most!!!!

the ones i bought in thailand tasted like toothpaste

this reminds me a lot of the ice cream cookie we had in carls' junior!!! omg & the sinful fries.

credits to a random blog in xanga

with my new mentality i will accept myself even if i gain ten kilos from oreo ingesting.

two days

because oranges are not the only fruit.
much more to be done.
disappointment is prohibited.

and ps what was eaten for lunch a near-week ago w weeps hehe/ neglected jogging this whole time :'(

Crumbs

Maxed out, but not as best as I would have liked it to be. Only one day tmr to finally do something good for myself.
On a bright side, it's finally good to be doing smth for myself and not for others. :-) not in a self-centred way or anything but yeah. Shall keep this going and hopefully everyone is achieving their targets like Korean archery people at the Olympics.
And this week marks my inaugural entering into the capable teenager organisation (or some sheet wtv). Anw I am able to use the washing machine now and it isn't as scary as I thought it would be and they smell pretty alright although I almost barfed when the laundry stench entered my systems unintentionally. Toxic
I wore my pants inside out and I'm hoping it's a good sign that my mind's wonky from all the acad stuff. And I'm totally alright w you reading it cos if you get to this full stop. It shows that you care hahaha yay congrats friend!!!

check it out

"doing some math" on the computer now. genius method!!!!! thankful i got to know ha ha ha makes me happy. so it's actually like basically referring to answers in document form. just wanted to say that..... i always printed out my answers and changed them all to font size 8 times new roman because times new roman is my all-time favourite since sec 2 hehe. even those stupid wretched equations you have no idea.
1. changed my background cos it makes me happy /vintage rabbits woooo/
2. changed my interface cos it makes me happy /woooo rose pink/
3. spontaneous sleeping in the aftnn has led me to late late nights......

anw, picked up a book and it was a self-help book called being happy and i just got this whole enlightenment thing going on. i guess you really got to believe in happy thoughts in order to be happy and to enjoy what you do and not expect anything in return because you know you had this awesome journey to take with you. (yeh anything anything to make me motivated, even if it's just an inch.)

4. people are nicer when you are being nice to yourself.
i think it's something i will try to adopt.
5. the self-fulfilling prophecy exists!!!!!

period.

5th Sept

Lollygagging about my room made me pick up one of my old diaries from way back in 2005 and I still cannot really get my mind off of what I found out about myself. Okay not in that shocking shocking way, just how I was actually such......... a....... Bitch. Wow I didn't know eleven-year-old me could already turn out to be such an angsty hateful girl so maybe this is karma, the way I turned out now hahah answered your long awaited question right guys
Anw the other parts were just mountain-arious. Yeah cos it being hilarious is just too insignificant. (Omg geddit??!! Mountains compared to hills man I wish I got to see people's reactions to that!!)
Like how I thought I was pretty good at drawing and looking at those sketches now I find that I've been lying to myself all this while or maybe I just had my hopes up too high last time hehe. But seven years lapsed and the journal still has the thoughts of my underdeveloped mind, dealing w quite hardcore jealousy (first world problems I guess) and my first television crush and basically just all the other horribz bitchy stuff.
Then there are ofc, the friends. There were lots of mentions of Paige and Gwen and brief mentions of my predecessor of TJ tennis too and Bren and Ariel but mostly lots of classmates I had in P6 whom I still see around sch every now and then. So so nostalgic and not exactly a great time to have to wade through my memory pools but... Yeah. I don't wanna work w angsty kids like I once was ever ever, I can't wait for Ricks to grow out of that age though she's actually pretty mature.
And I came across 2010 Graduation cards that I didn't manage to pass to Kimbo and Lingyi. And now they're kinda irrelevant coz I wrote about inside jokes that now even I can't remember about. Nooooo.

Okay this was put on Queue because this space is forever the punching bag of my emotions hahahhh

/midway/

Couldn't get past the third hour I think, w/o the terrible feeling of not being able to make it. Then I spent life in academic limbo ok i slept w/o thinking. Dayum in retrospect I really had some pretty disastrous outcomes ok just the Os and to fail again would be sick. Maybe just a tad stressed over what other people can accomplish (ie: Ivy League) and what I am now but what could have been if only I didn't ruin my secondary education quite badly. Sheets this is spilt milk I'm crying over. No turning back now keep accelerating keep accelerating please please.

listography

1. If you want to feel good about yourself, bathe in the dark.
How it happened was pretty funny but sensible by my standards! Bro informed me of a cockroach roaming the house but he trapped it near the washing machine whr the light switch for the bathroom was. So I got by by relying on the dining room lights streaming from the door slits. All those insecurities seemed to blend into the darkness and for that reason I was transiently at ease w myself. Not an easy feat I guess. Imagine a world plagued by darkness and all you could see are the souls of people. Inner beauty in its most literal form.
That would be nice.
2. I have this compulsive disorder of checking the darned phone every time, checking everything. It's compulsive and omggggg it must be disabled.
E.g. I'm using blogger at 1.11am not really good no no no.
3. Must learn to cook properly...
I had always thought it to be a normal thing when everyone feels gleeful that they can't cook meals for nuts because we are so first world but this problem is real man!!!! But pre-prelims maybe I will just master the art of the egg wrap coz that's all there is around here. And instanoodles :-(

This space is so updated about daily uneventful happenings that it feels weird!!!! This will be the last post and then I'm bound for more hermit days. Scared.

fatty food streak

Posted on Saturday:
Enraged right now after compiling two screenshots worth of pictorial evidence at how lowly my attempts at brightening people's lives is regarded. SO MUCH FOR THE EFFORT GUYS.

Anw had fun today w weeps at (undisclosed location) whr we talked until I became late for tuition for the nth time in a row. This is mad bad luck really. Though it was worth it as usual, catching up w her and seeming as though we can talk for ages on end hence I am feeling grateful. And virgin experience at (undisclosed location) finally satisfied!!!

Happy birthday once again, Ashikin!!! Don't ever let your inner demons take advantage of what you have. Glad our conversations keep up.

Been thinking about it awhile but. Mmmm :-( focus focus focus. If the same thing recurs I swear I'm gonna flip like a pancake and not in a good way. Idek if I should be pissed or if I'm just looking into things too deeply again. Just not my plan to tangle anymore things and trample on immaculate friendships. Not right now. :-(