thank you for 2011.

i hope 2012 will just be a quick emotionless year for everyone, since it's gonna be a tough one but we're gonna pull through just like everybody else before us has.

2012 will be that bitter black cough syrup we all got to take, but shut our eyes and hold our breaths and hopefully with a little magic or something of that sort, miracles will happen.

quite a lot of junk, hehe. hence this jump break ♣♣♣

surviving.

camp. scared.

not to expect anything in return

i would love to have that trait actually, because i'd always be the opposite.
so these days have gone by in a whirl, just like how 2011 seemed transient and untouched.

23: 6 gardenian gathering. good laughs and old friends. it's so great to see how everyone has blossomed with the help of ms chow's affectionate 'showers of blessings'. paige and gwen were all same old and i vaguely miss primary school. no one can ever forget how we can humiliate ourselves to the core like noobs!!
peninsular plaza after that with the bren. greatest bargainer ever. actually i learnt that from the night market in pattaya already heehee. so glad we got our bags. ♥

24: i don't remember. we had ribs and baked potatoes and a peanut butter log cake and christmas movies and it was all-american awesome. and mass at olps. i feel so blessed for getting the feel of christmas there, although it's so tiny like a manger. oh, and lots of whatsapping and emoji spammage.

25: happy breakfast + morning catch-up with foreveryang! so glad for that. and normal christmas over at popo's house. yay, like a christmas two years ago, without all those travelling. and then a dinner afterwards. and idk. xmas is xmas. even if those bummer thoughts had to share my brain vacancy for the entire day. idk, but i think i'm foolish. a really, really foolish dude.

2 days to camp, so one more precious day left to enjoy LLL cant think deeply now, so this post is very numerally.

chasing pavements

there are some things i believe i have to believe haha and then there are like other things which are kinda hard to believe.
and i refuse to believe that---
idk, youuuuuuuu. but it's not that
still sick and headachey. don't really know what to do with life.

sunday

the newspapers talked about parents who lavishly spend 10000 on a child's birthday party, and the child might not even be able to fully appreciate it, since he's such a tender age.
and contrasting this to the little orphans in pattaya, who attend classes but don't have parents to pick them up every evening from class, and take great joy in singing jingle bells to us when we were there. i think the disparity's unreal.

let's not spoil our chances okay?

/
hi, sorry for spoiling a perfect sunday for you guys. :'/

meds and restlessness

because someone stolen the bike at ah yee's house yet again,
and we were fast forwarding the surveillance cameras to catch the culprit (but no evidence because the dude probably carried the theft out in the camera's blind spot)
and my mom speculated it could be spiritual orbs etc
and we talked about scary movies all the journey home
and my brother suggested we watch grave encounters just coz he's no balls to watch it, heh. (but really, no shiz.)
and my brave little sister was explaining to me how the plot of drag me to hell went (there is no fear in her bones at all)
me and her watched a very jerky 1.5 hour movie. but i am still scared sh*tless.

i guess i'm feeling a tad better after the 2 pills. other than that the day was unproductive and headthrobbing. gah. missed training again and wondering why i'm so *$&(@& weak.

i'm sorry for the unreplied texts, dashed plans and for not being healthier.

would you do something you don't enjoy

but had to do it anyway for the sake of others-
would you?

"blessed are those who have acquired wisdom,
those who have acquired understanding!
gaining her is more rewarding than silver,
her yield is more valuable than gold.
she is beyond the price of pearls*;
nothing you could covet is her equal
in her right hand is length of days;
in her left hand, riches and honour.
her ways are filled with delight,
her paths all lead to contentment."

resplendent glory/ warriors.

edge of glory.
{2985348694673969 papaya pics, FYEAHHHHHHH}

~knuckle touch~

 

hot dayum, i'm missing pattaya like a child misses his pacifier.

i can see god everywhere in my life, so praise him, raise him up up up higher!!!!! without this trip... idk who or what i'd be.

looking at the lunar eclipse for that very brief minutes made me realise how media has overdramatised things and now to me, seeing little beautiful (& rare) moments like the lunar eclipse feels normal to me. i think we've failed to neglect to see life's wonders because to us, american movies made jaw-dropping equivalent to spectacular, unworldly graphics and effects.
it's no wonder you can only find god in the stillness of one's heart.

in other news on the not-so-awesome side, half of december is gone and my motivation for anything other than thinking hasn't really geared up yet. pray that the importance of education collides with all of us soon.
/missing the daily mass processions so badly. where's dinner and the fabulous fruit cocktail and the occasional 'magic tricks'!!

won't ever let this slip away.

this nine days have been most surreal. best part was that we have 4000+ pictures to provide testament to this amazing experience. i feel so very affirmed of my faith as a catholic and really, without the prayers and intercessions and daily masses by father simon; without the chance to get close to the lord as an alter server for the very first time in my life on an international stage since singapore wants to be all old-fashioned.
and having the best sacrament of reconciliation in my life; i feel that if i don't do something for the needy now, i might have to live with a restless heart for a very long time. all that i've shared during reflections, i mean it and being eyes for the people- god's trying to tell us that we have a mission, to set singapore on fire with the love of god. all this spoken through his messenger, fr. simon, who is and always will be imo, the best priest ever. i actually listen to his homilies without drifting off as badly. or maybe there's just something about the stunning chapel. either way, i have this feeling and i'm embracing it for as long as i live.
i miss the bakery lady and her sweet voice and astounding cookies and toasty hot dogs, i miss greeting everyone in thai and seeing them smile, i miss acknowledging my family of ROME, i miss bren sheryl nat furt and magnum and the company and laughter. i miss nui because seeing her is already an inspiration in itself. it feels different now. i wanna go back to pattaya to hold the orphans and hug them.

being in singapore, i realise how mundane our lives are. being insensitive robotic and structured. never having the chance to really reach out.
there's just so much in pattaya. i feel quite empty now, yet there's a tinge of firmness in a sense that i know i'm going somewhere, going to do something and i don't wanna let father down, or the humanity of the singapore youth fall. it sounds impossibly ambitious but i hope i start somewhere. when one door closes another opens. i feel so heartened that i know what to do with my life; that it's not just all about facebook and having a social life. it's so much more, i can't even. and there are people in the mission like boob and knuckles and furt etc etc that made me inspired to lead with more compassion and heart. knuckles shows me how to love unconditionally like mother teresa. it's hardcore and amazing, how one can love so tirelessly. #salutesgratefully.

i will read my reflections over and over to get hold of the emotions in pattaya from room 315 to all over the redemptorist orphanage and beyond. thanks to so many people for this amazing experience. yes, i can say with conviction that they'll know we are christians by our love. and some part of me thinks that this trip may have actually saved my life, in an emotional manner. praise the lord, and amen to that.

♥♥♥ 

bon voyage!

secret thanks to parents for making this trip a possibility, and friends for accompaniment throughout these nine days;
really hope everything goes well/ life's perspective changes radically. can't help but feel..J . i woke up from a siesta feeling like it was christmas (before that was the feeling that i wished i had gotten up earlier). this year feels totally different but i can't place a finger on whether it's a good change or a bad one.

+ best bowl of pontian wanton mee for dinnzzz heh #foodappreciation

bye i'll be leaving for pattaya in a bit!!
forever grateful for the well-wishes.


and thanks for trying. JJ

days of our lives.

could've had a castle and wore a ring,
but no, you let me go.

i could've been a princess, you'd be a king

could've had a castle and wore a ring,
but no, you let me go.

and stole my star, lalalalalalala.

HI GUYS THIS IS MY ENEMY, SHE'S CALLED JESVINDER KAUR AND SHE FOUND OUT THERE WAS A FLY IN HER INDIAN FOOD.

ONE MORE DAY!!!!! and my bag is still empty. (omg, right.)

i wish our departure hall is as pretty as t2, but it's budget. hehe, still psyched!!

yellow

2 more days, guys!!!!!! 


thanks for another crazy wonderful day. J

PF REUNITESSSS

back from the tanamera, really had a blast today;

!@#$

splints. :(
i'm going to let everyone down, crapppppp.

love remains the same

when i was running in sneaky ninja mode at night and running the night away in perfect recluse. i re-realised this song again and i love it very very much. makes for good running.

dysfunctional.

i need mounds of clothes; i haven't bought a single piece since....... eons LL

if only we'd tried harder. thanks to family for a nice yesterday.

ogl was fun, brenda's mushroom hair!!!!!! thanks b, jess, lyn, hc people for a lovely day. J ♥♥

random rainy day

life is cool; in a blessed kinda way.
so many stuff going on, the thoughts come resurfaced then go away in a blink, it's so hard to catch them and paste them here.

my thoughts destroy me, kinda like:

idk, kinda.
it's just me being a sulky old twat.
yay, i secretly hope everything goes well tomorrow!! guess who's being awesome and playing tennis with me tomorrow :')

gotta get my life in place then move on again/

i can skip now! i hope it stays that way; trainings have consisted of... lots of h2o lately. it's the weather, it's malfunctioning like it shouldn't be!!

yesterday was coach elwyn's birthday, happy birthday coach!! i really appreciate you, your advice and your patience. i really hope we can get something next year, we will work hard!

had a nice talk w/ sinhui that day after cancelled training and it was nice. hey sin hui, if you're reading this, then hi!! i don't think i will revive twitter any time soon, only if i remember. stay strong, this will resolve itself with time. (pray we survive trainings)!!


& today at macs we concocted a curry solution from coffee creamer, tons of corn syrup, two packets of grape jam, a few clumps of margarine, pepper, salt, chilli and ketchup. basically everything we could get our hands on. and huiting tasted it and i hope she's not constipating, cuz it kinda was bubbling and everything!!!!

only eleven months in this school and my english has already deteriorated at an exponential rate. ggggah.

yeah, sometimes you think you're trying to hard and then you stop thinking it's rational but to others it might not be and the world then ends up confused and your feet starts hurting and so does your throbbing head.
nightttttt

OK HAPPY DAY!!

HI WE WERE ONCE CEDARIANS.

Diane Arbus once said, “A photograph is a secret about a secret. The more it tells you, the less you know.”

these things make me smile!!!!! and my nails are like edward cullen's face, sparkly.
feelin' okay.


wow, i found my orientation period blog, and the bit about how i despised being in this dreary old heck of a green school. but i'm so thankful that happy endings. my heart's thankful for the people, and everything. i must work harder, but other than that, i can't be more thankful.



THANKS, BJ. JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ

it's gonna be here forever~

(†)

some divine intervention would be nice. LLL


amazing sunday, thanks to great team and friends. i had a dream, and i feel jumbled up right now.
i swear, if you opened up to me i'd do the same to you. 

screwed.
~~~~memories are supposed to fade, but what's wrong.~~~~
waves waves waves
O I SAW BLUBBER YESTERDAY!! while i was heaving and panting like an asthmatic dog, no offense to all asthmatic dogs out there.

HAHAHAHA OMG SO DIFFERENTTTTT.

playing with lightning

burnt til i can't blink my eyes w/o hurting hahaha
ate a cake and 4 cookies
worst stamina e v e r
waking up at 6.15am tomorrow for a run at the beach
should be sleeping
tomorrow is sunday
we're never content with our lives!!!!!!!
need some enlightenment
my face is so hot oh shieeeet. i think you can cook eggs on it
glad glad glad wonderful people in life
xx
wrote you a letter, prolly shouldn't be thinking too much though!!
roar

wreckkko

J training, managed to hit 238 rallies on the first try!! way surpassed expectations and the weather's too nice today and training was fun, in a way, i love my team. i hope we don't die during holiday training. we've really gone through quite a bit and improved. go team go!!!! ♥♥♥
too much thoughts in my mind, sometimes i wish i just didn't think. so maybe we've gone through some changes through the year? & if you asked i wouldn't know how to answer. maybe not the person i (once) knew. or or or maybe it's just me (spam spam spam exclamation marks) ((lots of em))
christmas is creeping in, the christmas tree at parkway is already lighted up!! dinnered with sh and we talked!!!!! it's been really, really long. L then met goon and strawberry girl at sogurt oh no -hate to go all economics but- consumer utility for sogurt has gone down down down just like the diminishing amount of yoghurt at every visit, oh nooooooo.

but i love sogurt, it's like a tiny room with girly tables and white-washed walls in a total world of its own. we owned it today!! the only other visitors were grannies hehe.

i really wish i could stop hoping. just, really. kinda tired of myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 where are the people i miss the people a lot. last night was an (emotional) blast. i miss those days, reminiscent of sec 3. sleepless nights and fighting demons.

i wish☼h☼h☼h☼h☼h☼h☼h☼h☼h☼h☼h☼h☼h☼h- screw this!
FOR A THOUSAND YEARS.




life is a (supposed to be) a g******ed happy affair!!!!

life's going to be okay.

fxxk L what am i doing. everyone's got their own demons and i hate to think that i'm the only one trying. everyone is & life is goddarn tough.

but i still got to stay happy, for the things that matter most. thank you. there's so much more to life than this, being sad. lots more.

be happy more, world. confide in family more, world. i'm half hoping you'd read this. don't be sad, world. yeah so maybe our class is gender-segregated, but jasmine goon will save the day!!!!!! J

ps: wooh, class girls so affectionate

jas: "i'm touched max rebs kiss kiss"

jodi: :):) love you :) <3

love burgeons hehehe

//

and sometimes you don't really ask for anything.

c o m p l e t e 

what?

daayum i feel so self-ctred now daayum. i'm screwing myself front right centre, left right all over. i've been a tad bit happier much thanks to wonderful people who work in wondrous ways. maybe i really think so frkin much, i should stop right now. angry with myself damn this.

i actually talked, like talked to my sister today and it feels special because we haven't had a proper conversation since. ever. and lunch today was epic oh yeh!! hardcore trng hardcore trnggggggggg. pain is temporary i've yet to feel right pain suck it up rebecca adssdkjgrijoiwpqovnk. horrible pulling the team down noo. nooo.
must stop thinking forever. dreading tmrw.
//
i'm so happy now i think i kind of forgot why i was upset in the first place. let it stay this way. shoot shoot shoot for the stars. happiest moments make moments happy.

dreams

(ok but for a lack of a better pic)

will these things die eating watermelon?????????? bcos i dreamt that people threw in watermelon in their tank and started floating or sinking which is kind of a scary thought right now.

tc b∞bs, take care, plese. ;-;

♥

i have loved you/ for a thousand years.

the sunday times

mylo xyloto omg i kinda want to have to get that album very very much. happy birthday nelly furtado! this sunday was cool as heck. with the miniature bowls of joojoo japanese rice and hopping over to sogurt to laugh on the red couch.

i don't know, i kind of miss long texts. nowadays, things are falling short sometimes, including text words or maybe i just care too much for the randomest things. like how i'm afraid my brain would overtire from thinking too much, just basically a whole billow of thought bubbles crashing crashing crashing, overworking.

if only i could read minds; or at least understand a sliver about the mind's complexities. i really do wish i can stop thinking so much.

yeah ok seriously in all honesty i wish i could understand some people (who idr understand atm. self-conflicting and exasperating)

so now i can't really get a hold of life........ i'm living meaninglessly? i guess. i don't pray as much; and i feel so lethargic i fall mega short on things to say at home. not like there's any negative vibes around here. uncertainty. gotta save up for clothes soon. how do we make a change in the world? looking forward to pattaya because hopefully it can give me some enlightenment in perspective.

so i studied with breadfish today, and we did everything and anything but. BUT, it was still mega-ultra-super-astoundingly productive. i realise i was born to be a full-fledged listener. it's nice to hear people talk sometimes. when i was young, i actually thought i'd lose it as age grew together with me, but nope, it's still holding strong! so glad. and kinda worried all the same. gah, i am but idk how to face it b. SIGHOKAYOKAY, keep moving forward.

it's never to late to turn it back around.

the only way is up, up, up.

can there really be a fair world? ok brain stop thinking stop thinking, grr.

when you lose something you can't replace.

i don't really know what to add here. browsed through the old pictures and everything's sorta rekindled, like the good times, bad and dark emotions, inferiority, over-sensitivity, uncertainty. i was a crazy girl.
i am really really grateful for everyone who has come into frequent contact with me during the past two years. it was the toughest part of life on the inside. thanks for loving me even though i really couldn't do so myself.

i know i was fighting demons all night and now, it's much better than before, it really is. it seems like i can see a little bit clearer now, but i'm still not all that perfect and everything.

but thank you.

LILEH.

rebecca is quite important for her enemy. ^^

hi les kaur!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel so loved, i knew you always felt that way, how enemies hate it other!!!

<smilies all year round>

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE, AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER. (and lump them like ol' lumpy hehe)

i think my keypads will spoil if i talk to you every night hehe, hate you enemy, get well soon eh!

life

wow, someone's life is only worth one song. okay even though it's fix you and it really truly is amazing but what must be going through her mind before that i'm sorry i really can't comprehend. to end your life because your mind tires is not a really smart way to die. i believe God has planned greater things in future for us. (cool priest at holy fam today hehe)
so if one song is able to change one's decision to live or die, thennnnnnnnn. imo it's not very smart right? lives are worth more than words strung together with melody.

extremely antisocial. :'( after op's over. can't wait.

i want to run i am well already, everyone!!

fix you/ paradise/ radio on repeat repeat repeat.

sights.

want to go back there again! experiencing new culture is always good for the soul ♥

tears streaming down your face

so i guess tomorrow will be better;

/lights will guide you home and ignite your bones.

1,2,3

i'm feeling quite tired, thinking and all. nvm.

anyway, hi brend. :')

I've been working hard so long 

Seems like pain has been my only friend 

My fragile heart's been done so wrong 

I wondered if I'd ever heal again 

Ohh just like all the seasons never stay the same 

All around me I can feel a change (ohh)

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me 

Leave the past behind me, today my life begins 

A whole new world is waiting it's mine for the takin' 

I know I can make it, today my life begins 

Yesterday has come and gone 

And I've learnt how to leave it where it is 

And I see that I was wrong 

For ever doubting I could win

Ohh just like all the seasons never stay the same 

All around me I can feel a change (ohh) 

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me 

Leave the past behind me, today my life begins 

A whole new world is waiting it's mine for the takin 

I know I can make it, today my life begins

Life's too short to have regrets 

So I'm learning now to leave it in the past and try to forget 

Only have one life to live 

So you better make the best of it

:'( this song is so you. it's so darn apt. :( :( :( :( i'm scared.

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :( 'today my life begins.' please dont start a new life


there are some stuff that matter right now, and some that needs to be forgotten.
bad, bad times, these days are.
f this. how is it possible that coldplay comes out with all of their amazing vids (read: strawberry swing) which are like stop-motion heaven. why are they so beautiful. how can songs be so apt right now?!?! i think it's the hormones. really i think so.

pomegranate.

miracle ok!!

transparent brahahaa

• end of chinese i hope!!!
• eighteenchefs lunch with the J^3 + H + E
• daiso and presents-hunting
• cool stuff with joy
• gongcha with the rugaygay!!!!!!! and many many scary movie synopsis(es). awesome sauce!
• mass with bren, furt + friend
• dinner with bren, furt + friend

post-promos is crazy hectic. no sniffles won't pull me down!!!!!!!! today's a good day.

happy birthday

this is for the girl who's worth more cattle than the golden magical beanstalk seeds.
worth more gold than rumpelstiltskin's weaving.
more water molecules than the arctic ocean.
more paper than singapore used for its annual written report drafts.
more rare than the rhino.
hornier than unicorn horns.
the girl who can handle my annoyances and occasional upsets and disappointments.
the girl who's been holding strong for too long.
someone like familyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

hbd ∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥

forever is a long time.

ranted.

hbd

HAPPY BIRTHDAY POST TO JODI ONG QI ZHEN

hapz master and frequent jogging buddy

ages and ages agoooooo. i love browsing through old pictures ahaha joy's spex

again and again and again plez

 and to my senior with the same starting alphabet,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOSE!! sorta miss competition season with seniors, in a way. can't imagine how crazy it'll be like next year. luckily will still have sin hui and ket and ken and ben.

light a way.

"so where should we put our cards?"

"in our asssssssssssshole."

that was probably the dumbest answer ever but at least it generated the most laughs. watching time go past me, like a passenger in the train. like wind past my skin.

with project work almost drawing to a complete close (and hopefully with a happy ending)
chinese a levels soon; (so much to thank lao shi for.)
the year's drawing to a close. i don't want bangkok to flood!!!!!!!!11

there's some beauty in life, and we all should cherish it. you can proudly say that you've been part of something special. although i haven't really been there much, we can talk about it. ☻☻☻ meet up soon aerilynn ash nish!

speak

~

i've heard so many words

but i have no courage

now we're saying goodbye

don't want to miss you tonight

oh, tell me it's not over now

i can change your mind somehow

i give it all

i trip and fall for you

and I hope you wouldn't mind

just one more try for something new

i need you,

don't be shocked if I cry

you've changed me inside

i turned my back on you

you were the only reason i pulled through

tell me it's not over now

i can change your mind somehow

my head feels so heavy

my heart is so empty

da blenda

hahahahha, cheers me up. :')

blenk

crimes against humanity; i mean what has the world gotten itself into when compassion is a crime and money is worth more than lives? is this the time when God will send his messiah to save those who believe and wipe out the rest like in the Bible? what a scary thought.

it's sunday and i'm still thinking very hard about the whole ogl thing. wishes.

INSTANT GRATITUDE

hazel gains my full respect and pwns rocks, socks, stones, oceans, octopi, bones, cones, gnomes (+ other unrelated nouns) just for that. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

i'm so grateful for the class girls (well, um, those that matter at least; hope you know who you are!!!!!)
and together we will fight the forces of evil. or if not so, then the forces of unreasonability and unfairness. i was both shocked and scared at first, but i decided to feel thankful instead because the xx chromosomes are just really really nice, like they understand. haha, so nice.

i feel like i'm taking everything for granted now though. sorry if you feel that way.
been sleeping for more than ten hours each day and afraid to show it........... and the results have just been a bulk of disappointment. i deserve it all, so no sympathy.

how's life? life's been like. that.
i've actually sorta forgot how i was like a few months ago. comparably happier, maybe?
yeah, why can't i be more in control of my life, instead of letting it spiral into nothingness like the spirally mosquito coil. wish i felt that slap earlierrr

leap of faith.

idk what i'm doing. hm ok, remain firm in my actions.

bass down lowwwwww.

oh gosh i have this picture too. :-)

anyway, hello love. these times are hard right? and i feel your pain. and i'm always not the best comforter around or anything, but i love you tons!!!!!!! and you're one of those people that makes tj feel like home; or more of a home.

don't you give up, yknow the world needs more people like you. don't think of wasting your life away, or anything. you've got talent budding and you don't see it but others do. neglect oversensitivity, i think that's how to be happy.? i think. ☻

you know my chinese text has this chapter, which says not to think of what others think of you; don't change because of what others think. that's kinda the main point! and that's what my lao shi taught me today. hahaha but don't judge me, i'll paaaaaaaaup paaaaaaaaup my lips whenever i see you around k. just kidding.

omg it's been really long since we meet up right??? but i'm glad we did, cos then you can let it out. then you can be back on the road towards happiness. be happy for the littlest achievements okay? and if you ever need a happy person to taint you with a little bit of saturated happiness, you know where to look. i know these are tough times, but just throw away your emotions, and really, sleep early.

okay this sounds like a whole lot of nagging and commanding but.......... . . . you can do this. see, of course you can. you survived freaking promos!!!! the p word that just sucks and is fugly and you did it even though you thought you couldn't but you did, you did and that in itself is already an accomplishment to be celebrated.

i'm really not the happiest person, and i am fat. but anyhoo. ily still. ;) ♥♥♥

xx

wowee, kinda forgot how much i missed blogging til now. til more/

What it really is.

*puts the sparkle in suffering.*

disclaimer: please do not eat!!!! nor put your finger in hehe, but give it a good shake and turn it upside down, because the glitter clumps together.

happy seventeenth! (L)

-

i always fall short. and it is a tiring thing.
i don't want to tell myself that i've tried hard, because life is like that. unfair and unjustifiable. even if i did feel so, i know i'd just feel more pain.

so i don't want to feel anything right now.
i don't know if i retain. of course i don't want to. i know i tried. i disappoint.

can't think now. just going all out. drive the stake into my heart to end it all. i don't know why i disappoint myself all the time.
nvm

now there's no more fun anymore. cue to focus. :(

love to all my kawan-kawan. this sh*t sucks but. hope.

plans.

planned already. got it nicely planned out.
i only wish everything would be fine and things would go the way i want them to.

just
this
once.

and maybe other times too, but. this. THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sunday morning post.

had fun yesterday. (insert spammage of tanned smileys. ☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻)

PAIGE LIM

omg read this and tell me your blog link please. love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(
it's somewhere in my mind, i can't find it.
:(
imy

3.17

don't know what's gotten into me,

why i feel this way.

can we dance real slow?

can i hold you, can i hold you close?

▼

the rooms hush hush and now's our moment.

POST-PROMOS.
don't want to have to go through turmoil again. i'm dead beattt.

jo was singing it in all tunes and tones and -insert music jargon-, and this was the song.

eyes on you,
eyes on me.


and every heart in the room will melt
this is a feeling i've never felt.

french place with the vespaaaa ^^v

♥,♥

abi and her food fetishes.

thanks for wonderful friendzzzzzz, Lord. ☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻/

does the pain weigh out the pride

one. more. day.
hold through, everyone.

is everything gonna carry on normally from the time it stopped?

okie, tired.

there's no greater love.

four. more. days.

nine- eleven and me.

read time magazine in the middle of the night, trying my best to burn my papers with the midnight oil. angsty, gritty, irritable--- anyway, the 9/11 issue was really something.
lyzbeth glick best's interview; please read it. it's the most relate-able and hence saddest story ever. it just tore out part of my heart. the people of 9/11, there were like normal people, like us just american. living real lives. having real families and the events that happened on that day. it really took a lot out of them.
and previously, i secretly felt that the americans shouldn't really dig up the past ever so often. it's unfair that the middle-easterns would naturally have a bad image, stereotypes exist in this world.
nonetheless, wow, i don't understand times articles like more than half the time, but this one really gave me a new vantage point on things.

anyway, happy sept 14th.

Gravity like a lunar landing

can't keep away because i'm weak like that.

things i wish to do:

1. be more grateful to my friends who have kept me sane and. just, sane.
2. no jealousy. thing is, i don't even technically know you yet everything you do affects me. is this weird???? why am i acting in such weird ways? it's like everything you do is a shotgun to my heart. yeah. i must have been knocked out of my senses somehow.

actually the above point makes me confused is all.
other than that, one more 24 hours separates me from the first day of promos. hows far we've ventured into  2011 already. and i still can remember orientation and further back.

studied at church yesterday with b, j at sea avenue and it was really good because it was a quiet air-conditioned place and it feels like home because church feels homey- somehow. hopefully we survive promos together. only want the best for them :( and first time eating at that wanton mee stall even though i've passed it countless times in my life. like, literally countless times and i think it's been there since the 1980s or something. thanks furt thanks eliz thanks andrew.

p o s t  p r o m o s .
/hope.

beats.

already thinking of post- promos. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. zero concentrate. pulpy orange juice.}
neo-prints, paige, xy, tennis, life life life life life life.

FEW MORE DAYS.
/survive.
everything you do. it makes me smile.
:(

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHEN ABIGAIL

i wouldn't have as much fun with any other cedarian. thanks to luck for having you there during the og times to make it happy and memorable. we certainly been through a lot. loving the laughs we share with like everyone we meet love the class love your occasional blonde epic momentz.

picture spam, more with our class plz hehe love you 

HAPPY SEVENTEETH!!!!!!!