state: post-food-coma.

yesterday: a la thanksgiving meal-

1. d'good cafe's english breakfast set consisting of toasted brioche, sauerkraut, crispy bacon, perfectly milky scrambled eggs and baked beans. ($16) with 3 pots of twg's silver moon tea (amazing!!!!) t'was a hearty lunch
2. island creamery's mud pie. two (?) years since mud pie tasting. still the similar lovely taste i've known.
3. hatched's *spanish dish*. a really large fried omelette with roasted potatoes, tomatoes, sweetened caramelized onions and red n green peppers. a lone piece of toast was buried under this generous mound of protein heaven.

bottom-line: the cafes at holland v makes for a perfectly instagrammable day for the epicurean. i only wish iphone bc samsung phone--- smh. the awfully pixellated and pale coloured photos will do no justice to happy food like these.

celebrated jas goon's first day of post a's with a really productive round of hong kong itinerary planning! was at d'good for five hours first online-shopping from f21's black friday sales rack (REALLY EXHILARATING ONLINE SHOPPING WOOHOO) i was distressed, stressed, blinded by fear of items being oos (hehe). pity the longer i fumbled w the payments, more items went oos. i bid my 18$ shorts and hweem's hair pins and sis' muscle tops farewell. and jas introduced taobao and things go as cheap as a dollar like what what what?!?!?!?! rly in love w d'good's concept like they have swings and balconies and nice food smells. appreciation once i've gotten over how narrow the corridors are and the lift. the lift. scary heh.

aft blog surfing i think hong kong will be a food haven: dim sum for breakfast lunch dinner supper snack, cycle repeats. they sell some cosmetics and branded goods cheaper than sg prices too so more in-depth research coming up.

i have officially resigned from the clinic job and i think the holiday period will be happy as i have decided that it will be!!!!!!! the rain will make living here tons better! and the overseas trips are a highlight too

ok so jas is a super emotionless friend and i was amused and jelly ok i was jelly bc i think overthinking is a taxing job. it's a job i didn't ask for and i wish that i didn't have in the first place. (launching into essay time in 3.. 2..) thoughts really do shape one's perspective and perspective is a huge factor in the outlook on life and conversely how happy you are depends on your own perspective of your life. i mean people who have a really strong and admirable character- emitting positive and happy rays give me the impression that nothing fazes them. hurl them an obstacle and they can manipulate it in their favour. i didn't use to admire these people per se, i was over-the-top jealous of them. i hypothetically constructed a comparison table of my life and their's and made myself feel really bad. i wish people wouldn't do that for themselves because it's a tiring job; comparing. i felt it made me a lesser person yet i felt compelled to do it bc a part of me wanted to better my life. i was getting nowhere though. it has got much better now that i've realized the harsh error of my ways.

SECOND TEST TMR

sighpie naht gonna jinx anything!!! remaining calm and thinking i can do it and paying attn to the road and keepin a lookout for cars and not taking the tp's directions too literally/immediately...
YUP

Edit/
38 demerits nerves are the root of all sadness hahahaha destroying my chances for the longest time.
HAHAHAHA why cant i get this right
and mum keeps having the impression i am broke ok idk if i am but darnits, driving!!!! thought i was rly chill then i messed up and then i thought abt how badly i messed up causing me to mess up somemore. struck two kerbs
i think i will be an extremely menacing driver whenever i get my license, crushing all the kerbs in the way ayeeee

had me some roasted sweet potatuh fries today

fell in love now i gotta go jogging.
ate black chicken for dinner today apparently it is a species.. COOLZ!!!!!

1. preheat oven to 175c
2. marinate thick-cut potatuh slices in olive oil, sea salt n brown sugar crystals
3. take em out lest they drip oil globules
4. place into oven, 15 mins
5. pixi3 du5t magic!!!!!!!!!!

how is it that my thoughts have this innate ability of deforming my perspective of everything?

today was meant to go without bumps on the road. but it seemed that my insecurities have completely obliterated my ability to interact w other people, and worse, morphed my family into monsters going against me. unbelievably i have succumbed to this before/ continued w life, accepting it. but now i just can't. i can't let my insecurities deprive myself of family interaction. what the hell right who steers away from people bc she is scared of them possibly criticizing her???
*hands up meekly*

fluff it rebecca get a hold of yourself cry it out if u really have to but don't fooking give in that's just the worst. i need to iron things out idk how but never let yourself immerse in such feelings ever again.

HK IZ HAPPININ

mega exciteeerrrdddd wahooey
deal closes in 2 days :-) :-) :-)

quite relieved/ thankful my mom was okay w it and just asked if we were cantonese-fluent (nope.... but travelling needs challenges ha ha ha) / the whole me + freedom thing has deffos gone a long way from j1 and j2 yay for time healing and mending things as it flows.

love spending time at giant getting veggies n fruit acting all aunty and tossing the aesthetically-displeasing items and accepting the ones worth the value. SWEET POTATOES ON SALE TODAY thank u farmers of japan ure great. 18c for 100g this is no joke everybody plees plees get your
potatoes!!!!!
and mum n i had salmon belly sushi at home with green tea after. ♡ i cherish this homely warm feeling of familiarity both of the palate and of my surroundings. make every afternoon perfect and be the best me u can ever be. (and by me i mean u not me rebs literally)
mum has her sch holidays so she's being helpful and accompanying me to everything and worst of all paying for everthing like she never lets me have a chance so it's unfair... idkwhy but my days seem to be occupied a lot. mostly work, trips to the supermarket (2 or 3x every week?!?!?!?!) and lotssa checkups and stuff but its cool.
^ need to store this pocket of info up so i can save it for a rainy day next year.
fraid for 2014 i keep thinking how i can thrive amongst unfamiliarity n how i can meal prep everyday. many things
many many many things.

pb attempt #1

current read: dance dance dance

that frustrating book starring a peculiar sheep man. rn idk whether hes a man or a sheep (man in sheep?) sooo.....
want to go to hong kong so bad this feeling is real and ive gone to tripadvisor which means im going jodi mode which means this will happen!!!!11 idk what is it about hk; the dimsum thoughts have been clouding my ability to think rationally all i want is that and to immerse in their culture and go to theme parks and do a fair share of shopping!!!
tried my hand at online shopping ytd (40mins of browsing the f21 online shop) i concluded i cannot do it easily bc the models are in another realm that is not this reality i mean like humans dont look like that and every item looks amazing on them!!! and yea amazing clothes dont rly fit well here i think i just need basic things....
-i kennut go diving into sales items again i just kant- bc good price doesnt mean good vibes wearing them
and *general fact moment* i think its rly irrational for people to base their consumer choices on price especially food bc what the body needs isnt anything related to how cheap something is!!!! DONT DO IT!!! esp those processed food no no no a transient moment's satisfaction is not worth endangering your body's health. thats really a thought for me...

today i threw in a tiny piece of dark chocolate into my boiling cauldron of bubbly oatmeal and it's so gorgeous to see it melt when i fold it in woohoo and in a few seconds the entire batch of oatmeal gets a few shades darker. x10 better than cocoa powder!!

another satisfying moment worth holding on to is the smell of the air in the park (especially before the impending shower) - that was ytd n im glad i had the willpower to get up n running
:-) :-) :-)

am spposed to book my first flight out to syd but the agent hasnt got back to me sooo.... its a sign to wait a lil while more HEH

magical shirts call for magical moments.

wore the 21k finishers tee today and idk i guess wearing it sorta puts positive pressure on me: i managed to do a tenner and hopefully more tens to come in future. :-) i used to dread doing tens just last week but with this shirt it's like what is ten km when you've done twice that right i mean... weeheehee. when i was younger i see people walking in shopping malls donning their finisher tees and i thought it looked overly casual but wow it signifies so much more than a bad fashion choice; it's really more like a celebration of their achievements and their little milestones in the individuals' fitness journey. kinda special!!!
the great eastern run was an eye-opener and it motivates me to want to push even harder. 1000s of these ladies chose to take super good care of themselves and embrace this wonderful sport so
i should probably do the same too. it's a good feeling!!!!

IT'S AVOCADO MASH w sunflower seeds!!!!

made this for lunch today - weather was cloudy and awesome so it looks as if i took the picture at dusk. tbh avocado...... sucks. but like all other lunches including the jap rice of 2012, mushing everything up makes it taste lots better.
and -achievement- i've been procrastinating less on menial tasks which was rly hard for me to do last time. washing dishes washing things basically i hate it but it's so necessary and i feel overcoming this bad habit is one step closer to taking better care of like things.

ytd: deonn's performance at lasalle which is basically a futuristic looking sprawling campus at a wonderful location (in the heart of singapore) SO BEAUTIFUL and so was the performance. and in lasalle (abi n reb conclusions #35) students speak so eloquently, (#12) can they all join singapore idol pls they all can sing.
and the epic moment when deonn the narrator on stage saw abi flinching super bad when the actor stabbed the actress w/ an imaginary dagger hahahahahaha ^0^

disclaimer: its that monthly inconvenience thing again

wow ive nevr gotten that mad since august, or smth. it was some screwed up shit over driving (i could only get 1 lesson prior to my next test and my mom ws pissed but dammit her getting loud all of a sudden just rly set me off this time and triggered all the hot tears n that sucks coz i nvr get to speak coherently like that. ok so it is crazy that abt the whole 1 lesson thing but i srsly could only get one lesson n t makes me mad too?!?!??!?! i am alw abhorrently confident w driving bc i feel if there r so many people who drive on the road so effortlessly then why cant i. and why wont i)
n the other thing is that im really angry with myself. my past self. my self all those secondary / jc years.the fact that i was writing for this invisible audience that always criticized me in whatever i did. faceless figures that judged me harshly whenver i chose the more socially less acceptable option.  g0dda#n it there were so many instances i hated myself. my self-worth was clearly negligible and i had clearly recognized it but instead of improving it, it only made a deeper gash into my self-esteem. i was emotionally hurting myself and i allowed myself to inflict that hurt.
the past consisted of so many self-deprecating (and tbh almost pathetic) habits

• scrolled thru endless tweets of friends' perfect moments and then beat myself over it by saying; you should make friends w her bc she is popular and her life is so perfect
• never studying alone. it was the worst when i was in cedar. i mean this whole imaginary popularity contest clearly polluted my mind and i was crazy to have actually put the social definition of 'fun' higher than my grades. studied in the public library and then posting on facebook afterwards of the alarmingly little content i had covered bc it was so fun catching up.
• never b seen alone in sch / pretend to be super exclusive n act accordingly. i was so obsessed with wanting to be in a group, i'd take every initiative to pull us together yet just the right amount held back bc i didn't want to seem too needy. in retrospect i think it was just bc i simply didn't have enough self-respect for myself. i didn't realize how important a little bit of self-respect can go.
• hate-reading. bc oftentimes i needed consolation for my miserable life, i mentally put down many people whose blogs i chance upon. i was so obsessed with social media why wasn't i diagnosed idek....... anw, the sole definition of internet for me was reading blogs in secret as if i did not have a life of my own. not to watch comedy series, not to blog-shop.

it's mental abuse and why hadn't i realized it, until now???? wirojeeigjakjgnseq.
i had toxic amounts of spite and envy and all those horrible things you wish would stay out of your life forever. i think as a result of it, i became more afraid to let any semblance of character in me show, bc i was afraid of being judged, like how i personified judgement.
typing this out actually made things more lucid, wow ok.
yeah so just now i was upset that i actually brought years of misery. upon myself. which is the most foolish thing you can ever ever do. i learn that self-love is essential and also, being humble doesn't mean to put yourself down (even if it says so in the bible). humble people love themselves too and everybody should know that. in fact, the best people love themselves bc they know that by doing so, they would have the heart to help empower others, which i think is a pretty marvellous realisation.
as much as i am upset that i have been completely obliterated by the hungry flames of self-deprecation circa 2009, i'm more determined

• to love myself more bc no freaking one can ever love this as much as the heart of this human and the beautiful organs that undergo processes that help it to survive
• n e v e r  to let anyone's opinions override mine; bc my opinion is important too and i should always know that. (i hadn't known that.)
• never to let the faceless humans in my brain take the reigns to what is known as my life.
• never be scalded too badly by actions of others which i always assume to be subtle signs of disinterest/disapproval/discouragement towards me. read: can u not overthink too much stop being a pathetic sad sod.
• to have a more positive opinion of myself.
• to be empowered by and proud of my clean eating lifestyle. in doing so i realize the positive changes that are stirring within my body (this is true)

• to be happy content with who i am. and be happy for others.

it's seriously much more enjoyable to be admirable of others than to be envious of long, lean legs or slim arms. i alw tell myself that everyone is on their own fitness journey. we're all at different stages in trying to get lean and actually, that is what shapes (pun) the world and gives it this wonderful diversity. everyone is different and that is something to embrace and savour.
ok so i am coming clean n saying that i sometimes dk why i am the way i am physically. sometimes i resign to the fact that i'll never be content w my body. looking at the body transformations on tumblr or instag rly inspires me though, that these people only headed towards one direction and overcame all those sick demons that put them down.

/end. everyday will be perfect bc i will make it so.

getting the hang of this clean eating thing...! *fingers crossed*

lunchies today!!! whipped up from my imagination ha ha sounds gay but whadevzx~

 

fun day on sunday at medszxzx at millennia walk w the family + 2 little cousins. finally super great food (octopus paella n i can never fall out of love with it). went to collect the great eastern women's run which is happening this sunday!! well 'never let perfect be the enemy of good', so as long as i do some form of exercise n not beat myself over the other times i am not doing exercise, i guess i'm alright. btw lovin that quote, trying to live by it everyday.

nowadays tumblr's fuelling me w word energy. lots and lots and lots of quotes, happy food essentially motivation to live life w/o the need to have calorie-intense things. more sensitive to changes in the body w all the positive vibes.