there's no greater love.

four. more. days.

nine- eleven and me.

read time magazine in the middle of the night, trying my best to burn my papers with the midnight oil. angsty, gritty, irritable--- anyway, the 9/11 issue was really something.
lyzbeth glick best's interview; please read it. it's the most relate-able and hence saddest story ever. it just tore out part of my heart. the people of 9/11, there were like normal people, like us just american. living real lives. having real families and the events that happened on that day. it really took a lot out of them.
and previously, i secretly felt that the americans shouldn't really dig up the past ever so often. it's unfair that the middle-easterns would naturally have a bad image, stereotypes exist in this world.
nonetheless, wow, i don't understand times articles like more than half the time, but this one really gave me a new vantage point on things.

anyway, happy sept 14th.

Gravity like a lunar landing

can't keep away because i'm weak like that.

things i wish to do:

1. be more grateful to my friends who have kept me sane and. just, sane.
2. no jealousy. thing is, i don't even technically know you yet everything you do affects me. is this weird???? why am i acting in such weird ways? it's like everything you do is a shotgun to my heart. yeah. i must have been knocked out of my senses somehow.

actually the above point makes me confused is all.
other than that, one more 24 hours separates me from the first day of promos. hows far we've ventured into  2011 already. and i still can remember orientation and further back.

studied at church yesterday with b, j at sea avenue and it was really good because it was a quiet air-conditioned place and it feels like home because church feels homey- somehow. hopefully we survive promos together. only want the best for them :( and first time eating at that wanton mee stall even though i've passed it countless times in my life. like, literally countless times and i think it's been there since the 1980s or something. thanks furt thanks eliz thanks andrew.

p o s t  p r o m o s .
/hope.

beats.

already thinking of post- promos. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. zero concentrate. pulpy orange juice.}
neo-prints, paige, xy, tennis, life life life life life life.

FEW MORE DAYS.
/survive.
everything you do. it makes me smile.
:(

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHEN ABIGAIL

i wouldn't have as much fun with any other cedarian. thanks to luck for having you there during the og times to make it happy and memorable. we certainly been through a lot. loving the laughs we share with like everyone we meet love the class love your occasional blonde epic momentz.

picture spam, more with our class plz hehe love you 

HAPPY SEVENTEETH!!!!!!!

x-ray kakjgiowjigj (machine sounds)

the doctor's way of telling me my legs are a-okay:
close to five-hour waiting time at the different blocks at sgh.
doctor losing my x-ray images so dad had to walk quite a bit to retrieve hard copy, etc.
but grateful that he wasted so much time with me at the hospital and sacrificed work for it.

waiting is never good for the soul. like i'd rather wait five hours in tokyo disneyland for the jurassic park ride on a cold winter day on a weekend. which is true.
anyhow,
but this experience kinda motivates me to want to do good for society. albeit it being disgustingly noble-like and probability zero. i must have the will. which i don't, right now. disappointing myself.

okay i'm blogging so often at the wrong time it scares me.

onward, friends.
can't give up now.
okay, hiatus. <- which makes it official.

hold strong.

feet video has inspired us all to use our feet to do stuff. my feet will not cramp. feet cramps are embarrassing, hahaha. lok used his foot to pick up his correction tape. #amazing!!!
~
i'll do whatever it takes
to turn this around
i know what's at stake
i know that I've let you down
anyhoo, congrats to all those vj kids celebrating their butts off cos promos ended for them. it must be feeling so darn good.
two more weeks then i'll see how i will react. pw's a chore!!!!! worse than sweeping floors. which is an actual chore.
pw is utter torture. 


b∞bs.

L

the greatest most precious thing that was lost is our friendship. start over?

Don't ever forget, we haven't lost it all yet.

i read that ted baker's desired epitaph is 'not to be for cotton'. for-cotton. forgotten. that's quite punny, isn't it. since he's such an amazing talented fashion designer.
and andy warhol's art is ubiquitous and amazing and all-too-familiar, just that today's a revelation.

avoid me, because i think i might be reverting back to my old bitter heart. selfish, uncaring and thinking too much for my own good. and sometime's it's just not really good.

what will i be when i grow up.
it just seems like a huge loss. sorry, can't really get over it.

cheers to the good old days.

THE SEC3 TIMES. CTRL C + CTRL V FROM BOOB. i think blog memories are the best things that ever existed. one day i will read all my posts. from sec 2, three, four. now. yeah. take out your poms poms now, let's ruffle the feathers and wipe the dust off the old wooden table. jk, let's go insane. only we won't keep it in, we'll bring it out. outsane.

if today was my last day;i'll run, for me..

it was a

RED

HOT

SEXY

car.


nah, just kidding,

so we gave rebs a bra.

eeee, where are the pictures?

*looks around*

very sick,

went church; suprised rehbooby(:

went doctor,

gave MC.

but i'll still go to school.

Life's yours to mold,

Destiny's in your hands.

Life's what you make it,

so make it great.

"If you could live forever, what would you live for?" 

If today was your last day

If tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?would you make your mark?

live life, like you're never living twice.

Each day's a gift and not a given right. 

"Life's not about surviving the storm, it's about dancing in the rain."

"Courage is when you know you're licked, but you still begin anyway."

i think i do too.

"seize the day."

HM01.

maybe i'm not cut out for this. lots of people could have done it better than i am doing now.
give me time to prove myself? mmmmmmmmmmh. is it wrong to doubt yourself.
okay, after promos it's really time to improve the game. my game, and hopefully, everyone's game. i can't bear to leave the team with empty promises. i have to try. i have to. and do well for promos, too.
fighting. everyone, please let's just fight our battles together. not against each other, 'cos that would suck.

sin hui, thanks for always being there and being helpful all the time. sorry if i disappoint you. i got to get my act together! hope slcamp will improve our spirit. :-) lots to say, yet nothing much haha, irony of life!

abi.jas.jodi.joy.lyn. my favourite class girls ♥ hahahaha, twenty... five? days to our muchly anticipated lunch!! class is a bore w/o you guys. and you always care hehe thank you.

BRENDA. you need sleep, pronto. people get fat when they don't sleep (case in point) ((okay but i still sleep quite a fair bit!)) please don't die young uh.

Press on, like the cookie cutter on cookie dough.
i will still feel sad no matter what. never laughed as much as compared to the younger months of the year. miss it. kinda. just, kinda. happy life-living, friend.

:>

:B

oh my blimey.

brooke fraser, people. :)

she's amazingly pretty, doe-eyed and everything.

and betty just sorta caught on, like a quick snap lock on your cold, cold heart

and ysl kicks and a red birthmark

in the shape of canada that you try to keep a secret.

can i just live on a prayer.

and pretend that everything is totally normal and i'm just surfing my wave of normalcy because everything's just so dam_ fine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

happy, but i shouldn't be.

hi world, jo said she had a new wallpaper, so i got suddenly inspired, like hit by a rock kind of inspired and so these are the pictures of my life. idk, i feel like i'm not doing anything substantial enough to call it mugging. trying, but always falling asleep like no one's business. ok maybe it's my business, just that i don't seem to care much nowadays. that saddens me, cos i think i used up all my motivation for....

i'm not sure actually. i feel that its not yet in me, like it's supposed to be. like how everyone's already IN THE ZONE but like my figurative construction workers are digging up a great big moat around the zone and keeping me out of it. so i'm figuratively out of the zone. so much for everything. gaaaaaah.

 

so i'm just waiting for the end. but like there's nothing there.

the boobs are staying awake tonight, hopefully i'm up too.

idk this life is dreary. (ok maybe it's just the fact that i don't get math and it's tough. calculus you don't deserve your existence in the universe.)

what, september holidays of the 2011 are ending. what. (vowel spam here  ←)

^^ v ain't much, but.

i guess if i had the guts to tell you this i would. and it is that yeah, you're right the world is really cruel, everybody's got their head down and everybody's being selfish and uncaring. but life's like this; the most ironic thing is that it doesn't take into account how many people you've cared for, or how many man-hours you placed in wishing well for others and hoping that they'd be a better person. life's about priorities and having discipline and sticking to these priorities. knowing what you are fighting for, and challenging yourself into doing better, even if it is at the expense of others. i don't know why life acts this way, but it just is. it may seem like no one seems to care, when all that really is, probably, is just personal ongoing battles of the heart.
sorry for being the worst ever friend. and thank you for being understanding. i think it's probably the best thing anyone could ask for right now.
wait a second, i don't think what we are living now is even considered life. there are no emotions, only the sadness and stress of promos. there's like nothing to live for and i really hope this won't be what it's like in the future. if not, we aren't humans anymore. only blank respiring zombies with mitochondrion swimming in our blood, living out their independent lives with separate dna.
yeah, okay, don't really know what i'm saying.

i've been lying on my bed and being pensive amidst the occasional napping going on (sh*t) and if anything, i'm kinda grateful for my mom. like i know i'm acting the same way i was, and i've always found out it was not easy to say what i have to say, but ever since that night after titans, however sucky that night was- after everything, i'm glad she's treating me with a bit more sympathy. i guess that's how to put it. anyway my heart feels a lot less bitter and fidgety. maybe it's because i'm trying to change my mindset, which is a major achievement for me. i'm starting to appreciate her more, and it's wasted because i should've appreciated the every bit that mothers do that make them wonderful. but yeah, i'm starting out.-
there are lots of gaps in my thoughts right now. too distracted. pw. okay, lost my train of thought there.

but anyway, hello. it's sixteen days to promos. okay not too sure about the exact day, since the most important thing is that its less than twenty freaking days. i don't know what i'm doing, being a hobo i guess... :/

everyone will be in my prayers~~

aiya screw this. i want to slap my face in flour and idk, scare people or something. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh. and scream hokkien vulgarities.

slushy.

i wanna slush myself in frothy bubbly soap right now.
supposed to be in school right now.

neglecting studies. hello pw!
not sure if i'm meeting rugay later, but i really do hope so!
#cantgetenoughofcedarians.

slush slush slush.
time to get a huge bottle of soap from upstairs.
then school. yup yup yup. i haven't smelt nice in a while.

drip and drabs of dreary.

life right now makes me wish i am back at school, having lessons, looking forward to lunch period. but wait, times really passing ferociously.
but life doesn't want us to take a breather and look back to the days of orientation, much less the days of cedar. just gotta keep our heads down looking at our feet so that we don't tumble and fall when we don't want to.
life is so dreary. shutting down, going emotionless again. but like this time it's different because i dont feel the drive. at all.


maybe.

embracing.

remember how to love.
/
adele.
'nuff said.

ctrl alt delete

sorry forgot what to write already.
oh yeah,
BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD.

i'm thankful for the amazing people in my life.
slc was a blast, like blastoise.

ok now i feel fugz and i'm consuming chocolate at a diabetic rate, i will keep quiet.

shucks. sorry everyone i owe you all texts.
like seriously everyone. gosh there's no inspiration for me to touch my phone; feeling as lazy as heck.

nice guys finish last?
hi. so like i guess this is the end. hurts. just a little bit, but that's okay!!!!! we move forward and search for what is most important. the important is what we must focus on. no. this doesn't hurt at all. i still hold my head as high as the clouds are. i love my life a lot. i love my friends, they mean the world to me. but i hope they know i'm here even though i don't reply texts. (ok pet peeve alert)
haven't been out and about for so long already. i must start. i must be the change i want to see. like right now. everyone is my motivation. and things are, i think, working out family-wise? like my head's a lot clearer. i can think so much better and i kind of feel happier too of course, although there is much to be done. not to be all pervy but i wonder how people in general, lead their lives.
anyway, promos are left. can't still get into the mood, no matter how hard i try. i just. feel like i'm missing out in life sometimes, like (dayum). punches fist in popeye movement.
maybe one day we'll all make shirts that say:
i am a jc survivor.

Fighting.

We will eventually learn to get back on our feet.