happy, but i shouldn't be.

hi world, jo said she had a new wallpaper, so i got suddenly inspired, like hit by a rock kind of inspired and so these are the pictures of my life. idk, i feel like i'm not doing anything substantial enough to call it mugging. trying, but always falling asleep like no one's business. ok maybe it's my business, just that i don't seem to care much nowadays. that saddens me, cos i think i used up all my motivation for....

i'm not sure actually. i feel that its not yet in me, like it's supposed to be. like how everyone's already IN THE ZONE but like my figurative construction workers are digging up a great big moat around the zone and keeping me out of it. so i'm figuratively out of the zone. so much for everything. gaaaaaah.

 

so i'm just waiting for the end. but like there's nothing there.

the boobs are staying awake tonight, hopefully i'm up too.

idk this life is dreary. (ok maybe it's just the fact that i don't get math and it's tough. calculus you don't deserve your existence in the universe.)

what, september holidays of the 2011 are ending. what. (vowel spam here  ←)

^^ v ain't much, but.

i guess if i had the guts to tell you this i would. and it is that yeah, you're right the world is really cruel, everybody's got their head down and everybody's being selfish and uncaring. but life's like this; the most ironic thing is that it doesn't take into account how many people you've cared for, or how many man-hours you placed in wishing well for others and hoping that they'd be a better person. life's about priorities and having discipline and sticking to these priorities. knowing what you are fighting for, and challenging yourself into doing better, even if it is at the expense of others. i don't know why life acts this way, but it just is. it may seem like no one seems to care, when all that really is, probably, is just personal ongoing battles of the heart.
sorry for being the worst ever friend. and thank you for being understanding. i think it's probably the best thing anyone could ask for right now.
wait a second, i don't think what we are living now is even considered life. there are no emotions, only the sadness and stress of promos. there's like nothing to live for and i really hope this won't be what it's like in the future. if not, we aren't humans anymore. only blank respiring zombies with mitochondrion swimming in our blood, living out their independent lives with separate dna.
yeah, okay, don't really know what i'm saying.

i've been lying on my bed and being pensive amidst the occasional napping going on (sh*t) and if anything, i'm kinda grateful for my mom. like i know i'm acting the same way i was, and i've always found out it was not easy to say what i have to say, but ever since that night after titans, however sucky that night was- after everything, i'm glad she's treating me with a bit more sympathy. i guess that's how to put it. anyway my heart feels a lot less bitter and fidgety. maybe it's because i'm trying to change my mindset, which is a major achievement for me. i'm starting to appreciate her more, and it's wasted because i should've appreciated the every bit that mothers do that make them wonderful. but yeah, i'm starting out.-
there are lots of gaps in my thoughts right now. too distracted. pw. okay, lost my train of thought there.

but anyway, hello. it's sixteen days to promos. okay not too sure about the exact day, since the most important thing is that its less than twenty freaking days. i don't know what i'm doing, being a hobo i guess... :/

everyone will be in my prayers~~

aiya screw this. i want to slap my face in flour and idk, scare people or something. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh. and scream hokkien vulgarities.