just got served-

- the best ever whole wheat pasta and salmon combo ever by my mom and it was the best kindest gesture ever bc i was tired and she's tired (generalization that moms are tired people) but she still served up a mean meal

i can never get my salmon to that level of crisp outer skin

e v e r

it's always me 0 - 1 olive oil

yest was good/ 

best ten balls i ever had, also my first *real* look into my anat textbook, with jas

"why you haven't turn the page yet i've been seeing this body since just now" and other stories ☺

and also *cue glittery confetti*

$4 SALMON before the promo ends!!!!! eating salmon for two meals a day is normal 

\burn burn burn burn burn burn/

it always takes me a day of doing absolutely nothing (but watch youtube vids of jimmy fallon and his ridic sketches and the telly tuned to e!) to help me get back on track. the morn/afternoon was a mind-cloudy bitch (idek what it means tbh)--- i didn't make rational decisions/ proper planning.
the evening was fine. celebrated godma and gabriel's birthday and got to see family after two weeks of not being able to do so. it was homey and nice as always. the cake cutting tradition is always the best part i mean i think we have the most normal/memorable cake-cutting-sessions.......
nate plants his tiny bottom next to the birthday celebrants and sings rly adorably (chinese ver included) while we all just watch and clap along
he tries to blow the candles
iain emerges from the back to blow it for him

anger-y

w0w this whole thing is just not working out it's not meant to be 

i shouldn't be self-excited over the whole running regime bc it'll give me a reason to restart my unhealthy food streak yes it's true i admit it idk why it still happens and it only started recently. 

from now on //

hour of blogilates 

another hour of cathartic running 

good food all the way ✌

simple and 

rebecca could u pls stop thinking so much thankew

tomorrow is my driving test and i actually cannot wait for it to happen as i believe that once it has passed, all the realization that i've been making grave mistakes such as consuming dairy will all flood back and i'll be ok 

argh this only made sense in my head

but buck up rebecca you've got smth to work towards 

so do it!!!!! 

met up w jodi at z driving ctr and we chatted like usual n she crashed a while. once in a while i forget how being an a levels kid is and then i see jodi

haaaaa yay but at least i managed to go into the introduction chapter on rural health in aust i mean that's a feat

I :-) Caved :-) In :-)

lunch was my only good thing that ever happened and the yoga and the run and other parts were just 

rebecca loh it's only been three days and you do this again!!!!!!!!!!!! 

what a human 

☀☀☀☀☀☀ it gave me a reason to run w a good (vengeful and vigorous) cause 

and i had no fixed plan today

no fixed plans stress me out

got home from driving and it was pouring 

was supposed to go to nus to meet sam and qx but they were busy and i am never touching my anat books nuuuuu i'm not keen haha they're so pristine now so why spoil it right i mean 

!!!! idk i just feel urghhhh really screwed up today !!!!!! food is not supposed to affect me so much i got to take care of my diet

coincidentally i watched cassey ho's utube vid on yolo meals ha ha ironic madness k today was a yolo day

☝ runs make everything better

☝ a lesson a day.... is good stuff

☝ take things in stride 

☝ don't make the same error

☝ i'm human 

☝ i will sleep more. 

☝ ok honestly the toughest thing about running is the start like you don't feel like getting out of the house / perfect weather doesn't appeal to you / but once you're out you alw wonder why you almost gave in to your second thoughts instead. and it's quite fun to trick people into thinking you're some running pro by swinging your arms like u own the park but ok no i don't do that psssssshghhhhhh

i got kicked out the bus bc i had an ice cream cone

didn't go for a run today but did this ^^^^^^ 

had extremely good salmon today with jjitters/ jing jia. we tried to replay our last visit to ikea, w flowers and all. our last picture shows her amusement at some interesting looking stones ☺

and then managed a tuna and raw spinach mix earlier today. ☺

i also managed to talk to mummy about the thing which i was supposed to tell her sooner but procrastinated a lot and pushed it until now ☺

she agreed w me over certain things and was also encouraging and keen which was not dismissive like i had imagined ☺

my thoughts rly make me stressed they suck ☺

the salmon was four dollars and this deal is only valid until 30 sept!!!!! trying to breathe and not eat more salmon ☺

S

A

L

M

O

N

❤

tomorrow is my first driving and i'm scared like chuck and probably going to be arrowed down SO BAD by the instructor but wtv i'm just going to take it in my stride and pass it and if i don't i'm going to drown my sorrows in big fat burgers at fat boys at night!!!!!!!!!!

☺☺☺☺SMILEYZ FOREVZ ☺☺☺☺

☺☺☺☺ I LUV DRIVING ☺☺☺☺

i don't psycho myself

managed a run todai n it was worth it afterwards even though it was unpleasant during the run bc i needed to pee ha ha ha ha ha ha

KEEPIN CLOSE TO ZHITING'S PLAN OF SEVENS AND EIGHTS *fingers crossed as hard as ever* *although i did mostly sevens i will reach a constant eight soon if the mind is calm and determined*

but pleasure > pain i love the aches and the fact that the tracks are empty at night and i can high five myself and shout out vulgarities heh heh heh

despite the nine to five workday NAHHHHH that's totally ok with me now yes yes yes yes

((•v•))

i had a weird dream but it keeps disappearing from memory if i ever try thinking hard into it. 

THIS WEEK IS DRIVING TEST WEEK i need to renew my p d license. i'm scared as heckity heck but YAY FINALLY IT'LL BE OVER SOON AND IT SHOULD B IT MUST BE 

i :) fell :) through :) the :) cracks :)

hahahahahaha picasso coz way off from reality 

~

felt nauseous ingesting large lumps of chocolates bc my house is suddenly filled up to the brim with American-discount-extreme-couponing amounts of chocolate and other deadly foods like cookies and cream meiji ice-cream.

at least I felt nauseous I mean that would mean i'm human and I can tell when it makes me feel disgusting enough to stop eating.........?

I fell through the cracks and out of my plan.
I won't beat myself up because it was self-inflicted and I didn't have cookies and cream since bfr Sydney or earlier
No I won't cry and be weak
I have no regrets.
I secretly regret it
But I will look forward to running later
I procrastinated going to the supermarket to get my week's worth of vegetables.
I procrastinated not talking to my parents about many things.
I feel terrible about myself but I will make it.

I must believe that there is a day when I feel contented about who I am.
I must have hope.
I must keep running
And after today, I must have
more control
of my life.

Can I just say how much of a cathartic effect the Glee cast's The Scientist has on me despite having month/s passed and I usually get tired of songs but no not this one
not ever :)

go s l o w- the xx

Idk I'm not complaining bc I understand, but I rly find it quite helpless when I see great gems of a friend/s being sucked into university life and suddenly you don't hear anything from them and it seems like they face a lot of things that you can't relate w bc you're not in the same shoes as them 

If I were in the warped world of haruki murakami I think I'd be the 4ever helpless and passive protagonist whose loved one mysteriously disappears into an alternate universe and it gets rly hard to find her

That was a few minutes/ hours ago. 

My heart broke 

A few more hours ago I managed to not think too much and ran. Here's a sick footage of my foot (ok not a footage but that was punny) 

Ran longer and faster than I ever did in the past times I ran this mth

I relish achievements like these and I do hope I can run more runs readily and cover long distances in time for the big race. (Wow I actually have a big race to look fwd to ☺) positivity and determination really does help me pull through a lot of things 

And earlier today I met w the upper pri girls

We planned this since rly far back. 

As luck and cafe gods would have it, the cafe I wanted to go to CLOSED DOWN FOR THE F1 RACE. wtf and the one on national day closed Down for national day. What is luck bc I don't have it!!!!! But we had good food anyway and it is fun talking to them bc all of them are highly reactive over remotely interesting objects and food!!!! Ok I understand the food bit.

So F1 is in town and I heard the searing roars of the cars on our roads. And MODELS so many gorgeous ones being solemn everywhere they go. 

Happy that this picture was taken and didnt realise it was e x t r e m ely blur ☺☺☺

still sept

thankful for my schedule which helps me manage my meetups!!! finally getting to meet bren later too, the pathlight ladies tomorrow for a very sinful lunch (which i really shouldn't have suggested coz i foresee extremely foolish and diabetic choices) and a few great people next week

yesterday was a really happy day bc I did it- I made my way up to the other end of Singapore. that would be ntu with its crazy uphills that no one rly understands. joy charmay huiting and esther were there so we had dinner at a canteen (first ever) with the usual hawker fare and then we trekked up to joy and ht's room to chat and there was happy news *v*
got the guitar out and watched the fox video and taylor swift and zac efron on ellen, sang a lil with huiting on the guitar. they've got chemical equilibrium tests today! the room is really nice; hall of residence #16, one of the newest ones on the block so everything is pretty clean.
i love to look at people's messes though, the messier the better.

then I managed to ketchup with rugaiyah today and shes still the same old crazy girl who slangs a lot, watches heaps of television and fiddles with the computer yet manages to do extremely well in everything, rambles on about shows as if i'm extremely interested (ha ha kidding) and it's amazing her crystal clear memory of dialogues
got my anatomy textbooks today from the science bookshop and it looks really daunting but I will attempt to...... read it one chapter at a time

and today on the happiness project;
creating a gratitude journal,
recording the day's happenings
feeling grateful for at least one happy thing today.

million instances in life when i wish i can tell my mom can u pls not just stop

home n stuff

only the hottest sh*t in dis place

- toasted whole grain bread smothered with manuka honey my guilty pleasure

ahhhh it's rly good 

why do they sell thick toast w honey for 1.70$ at toast box when it exists right at home for free 

and love it that zhi ting constantly whatsapps pictures of Sydney hahahahaha can't get enough of the excitement!!! and we have our accommodation set out for us alr ☺☺☺ 

we gon be living amongst the chinese in chinatown yozzzz

yesterday

spurred by this urge to get out of my comfort zone and just change my life (!!!!)

so i bought this 46.70$ ebook and i've been making notes on it. it's about cleansing and 3-day detoxes and juices and water diets and it sounds really daunting and scary can't believe one day has passed since my 2am purchase. about halfway through the book. 

i need this but i guess it's gonna take a lot of acceptance and sacrifice

xx it's for the better 

i will go run

personality tests at the maccha house

I think it is spelled as maccha and not matcha.
either way I love a good cuppa (matcha style)
jasmine goon was free today n it was opportune to pass her the pair of cat flats from aussie rubi!!!! it was such a steal, ten dollaz (holla) for it!!!!!!!! and I got some good buys too, from westfield. it's kind of like Orchard ion, with it's dark lighting and swirly complex architecture and shops to suit the palette of the whole family. oh and this rly gorgeous high-end food court; nothing like food republic, they sell Mexican, Asian, Indian, Western, organic, fried oh Italian with café prices
oh yeah, today:

• wanted to go to garden slug but it rained and I didn't know it stopped properly so we venue-switched. really tempted to reschedule a trip there and use its power sockets heh heh
• maccha house waiters were really distressed that me and pex were just sitting there drinking our gong chas (in retrospect i'd really be raging all over us if I were them)
• they gave us their menus and told us to choose our item(s) and pay at the cashier.
• maccha partyyyyyy
• my new kicks are hurting my legs idk whether its how I run??? couldn't continue more than half the run so I clocked in the worst timing in ages. shucks.
• and the personality test which is scarily accurate I think!!!! really amazed and happy by it. tenku jas for the intro it's like a new look into my life so refreshing ^_^ (new face I learnt from my future roomie)
• been trying to swallow the nuggets of information presented by the happiness project *still. reading* in minuscule font size of idk times new roman 7.
• wish I could just be normal in front of ev'rybady like hi this is me I don't put my personality only on the internet cuz that's extremely suckey ewiojoiwgjgnalkwqp

okey so if you wanna see the inside of my brain synapses and electrical conxtns and what-nots basically just the personality test revelation, choose to

***

As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.
INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types. INFJs place great importance on having things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk. INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ himself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive. But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress. Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubbornness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals. INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring. In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not. The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.

Life in Sydney

Being in Sydney, getting a hold of the sights and sounds seems terrifying. It's daunting, the thought of living here by myself for four years. It's different from the forever summer weather here in Singapore for one thing. There's this unshakable New York vibe to this country omg. What matters is that it's not Singapore ha ha ha.

Ok nonetheless the time here has been great and I love getaways so this is a pretty good one. There was an underground haven of nice restaurants and aWoolworth's the best supermarket around!!!! Sydney streets are walked upon only by people wearing formal work clothes and high clunky heels or suits and ties. 

The September weather is sweater weather and it's amazing but it gets dark early. 6pm. 

Queen Vic's place

Westfield near the hotel which is tucked in the city centre 

The haunted looking opera house at night. We took a boat ride which was a lot less chilly than the one in NY ☺ makes for a pleasant ride 

The sunset is to-die-for. The rays are rly rays

They are no imposters. 

Here, the worlds steepest railway ride which was more of a slow moving roller coaster bc it was just mad steep super terrifying 

Cable car with a clear bottom

Hehe

Sunday mass at this gothic beauty. The all-male choir is amazeballs and truly grand. Rly lovely to hear them harmonize and create lyrical heaven 

Ok I concede the Samsung galaxy takes astounding pictures...... ^

Excited for my future accommodation at the central area. It's a newly renovated place and has individual bathrooms attached. No meals so I'd have to cook my own but supermarket meals will suffice!! A lot to look fwd to it's scary. 

My dad on the right getting some char siew fan for dinner 

So my dad has always been obsessed since day 1 about capturing the nicest night shot of the opera house, he went out one night by himself to take the shot and then we received a notif that the grp icon has been changed to that ^. I was so excited coz the picture v nice

But he said he didn't take the shot basically turns out, it's one of those google images hahahaha

"

“Nobody can save you but yourself — and you’re worth saving. It’s a war not easily won but if anything is worth winning — this is it.”

Charles Bukowski 

waking up everyday to the same old thoughts and seeing the same old things

When you're lost and alone 

Or sinking like a stone

Creds to tan Qiu Xuan's selfie. 

Ytd was a pretty shiz day and the skies are alw grey I miss running 

And I did eat a ton of peanut butter fml

▫ Do up sept schedule and make plans

▫ Spend 

▫ Plan for syd

Scotland-bound friend

Honestly super glad I got to see Sheryl in tangible form today. Four years in such an amazing place is something to be greatly envious of!!!! Yet I'm so excited for her n mega happy. It's hilarious that Turbo and Planes are actual movies about things that she fears. 

And my supper w da regulars (LOLOL) aka church people aka bren Furt shaun Andrew. I rly rly rly rly love supper talks so much!!!! (Just not the empty calories that come with it.) Supper is a happy affair and I pledge to have at least 5 of those bfr I ✈. And it's fun to have young people taking the wheel and driving along empty streets yay *adrenalin rush*

Don't think u guys would see this but if you do, tyvvvvvvm for today even though you guys have crazy schedules ahead yet you guys head to Jamal's to talk at 1am which is rly awsm

My Facebook hanged in the best way possible. I whited out the irrelevant portions: 

We r the best gifts that the Pathlight teacher has ever received

☺☺☺☺

☺☺☺☺

Cheap thrills ttm

☁ I had a dream last night and it was the first time I dreamt that I cried and actually shed actual tears bc it seemed so real like I was actually dealing w that situation that involved my family and it wasn't the easiest thing to handle. It even had a coda that left a huge impression on me: to change the way I treat my family & I swore I would do it but idk life seemed normal as alws. The uncomfortable guilty sort of normal which I'm so dying to get out of. ☁

I can safely say I'm comfortable w all aspects of my life but this one thing that screws up my whole mojo ajajsjajakdfic

A solitary day

Gretchen Rubin's occurring phrase in her book is "Be Gretchen". Likewise, I was a Rebecca today and listened to my inner self. I enjoyed what I did, even if it was solitary and I didn't like to be alone before but the calmest moments come from an empty house and the occasional belting of tunes.

Wrote a few and sketched a few

Doing things for other people is pretty cathartic but all this while I've been procrastinating so hard ok now I will do some blogilates hahahahahahahah my life I am silently weeping (;- ;)

And found this:::;::::

for the rest of my day,

Revival of running

☺ Pumped up for my kicks ☺

Back then (three hours ago), I swore to myself these would be my new best friends. Then they started giving me blisters and my knees and leg/ankle divide started hurting so I'm not sure whether it's the vibrams soles or my running method or just the minimalist design 

Ok but screw all that, running is still the ultimate pleasure esp exploring new routes and I'm grateful that these shoes are pretty light ☀ so it'll make running long distances better and less arduous!!

Running will be my perpetual pleasure *psycho* and hopefully this will last til the end of my Uni stint. 

Thank you reebok zig zags affectionately known as bubblegum shoes my previous love you've served me well throughout JC heh heh through road runs and the crazy lucky heights runs during mass PE

Entering week three of guilt free eating. Really excited and actually, quite amazed by this feat. I usually go nuts over portion control, bc I cannot portion control. But good good food and an equally good mindset keeps everything in control