illustrations // frustrations

unfinished

there's no lack of surprises throughout this entire internship here at pathlight. i came in not knowing the world then as we branched out into the tracks, things got a lot better. the wonderful interns really make the job worth coming to everyday. lunch time is different everyday in a sense that there will always be new things happening in the classrooms that we get deployed to. we have so much to talk and laugh about. from january to june, the children they grow as they get more comfortable in their surroundings and that is one thing i loved to see. personally, my time here wasn't very favourable in the beginning. i am grateful to everyone for providing me that listening ear + their useful comments. i think it was around february that things finally came together for me and i learnt to open my eyes and my heart to the children and appreciate their crazily diverse personalities and loved them for it. every day since the start i have always wondered; how can autism be defined? up to this day there is never an exact answer. some kids are reticient while others find talking to their teachers and friends very second nature. some kids throw pencils out of the windows and others fascinate over the newest releases from dreamworks (turbo, monsters university, despicable me 2). i really dread waking up at 5.20 but once i commute to campus 2 w/ half-awake qiuxuan (on rare occasions), that resistence melts away. i am very lucky to have been able to work alongside really experienced teachers- some whom have stayed here ever since the inception of this young school. through their expertise, handling the children seem less daunting. having ms rozilina with me was rly awsm too because she is such a friend to the kids and she taught me to open up to the kids more and enjoy myself in the process. 

BT

The biting chill of the air conditioning in the ferry on my tips of my toes
The mutual acknowledgement of the siblings and wordless conversations
The rustling of the Sunday Times amidst the occasional lurching of the ferry afloat
The squeal of the toddlers beside us
The television flashing images sans sound
I wonder how Bintan will be like. Is it a big commercialized patch of land or is there an essence of locality to it

How fast do friendships dissipate
Do I take small nuances or reactions too exaggeratedly
Are we always happy can't we be happy all the time
The white pristine soft sand on the beach the challenges of driving the buggy on rough terrain
The wide sprawling golf course
The exhilaration of the electric bicycles
The seventh foosball match
The amazing dinner and breakfast buffet spread
The unease of the table when we all use the phones
We never had a good conversation much less a good word bc nth rly ever comes out this frustration
The bulging tummy after meals

expectations vs reality

Bintan is stupidly astoundingly beautiful

Must I have ruined this with my thoughts.

i don't ever wanna let you down/ i don't ever wanna leave this town

this is post-internship week. and having the ever-cliched feeling of wanting to go back, have lessons, interact with the kids.....
the last week has been nothing short of emotions. the hr prepared a photo montage of our internship and yq's name was up. i couldn't help but choke up with tears (nth unglam state):

"you helped to mark my work and give me the angry birds reward chart"

they surprise you. on one hand you think they don't know the goings-on in the school but they do. like one girl could list out the names of all the upper primary yfas as if they were her friends. the full names. i asked her how she knew about this and she replied that she got it from a paper put up on a bulletin board.

huiling's birthday- hweems blindfolded her using her own jacket outside pathlight after lunchies/ set up pecan/ strung up photo memories on blue yarn and tied the loose ends on the screens/ played the 16 min long video of all of us/ hung up the happy birthday sign by standing on the table/ lit up candles that could never blow off (we had to dunk the lighted candles into a pail of water in the end- it was intense)/ hid her presents in the classroom/ rainbow cupcakes

sixth june- swensens by the teachers/ audrey's ocd in taking every single dish on the table/ sundaes/ clean plates/ polaroid moment/ taxis/ hiding my polaroid box without me knowing/ no mood for work/ worked/ rained/ chomp chomp by taxis/ failed birthday celebration for quix and fion/ lotsa good local food/ sugar cane omelette hokkien mee am i a true singaporean now/ udders with the remaining stash of $$ at a swanky nearby mall/ home

seventh june- video + song preps/ card preps/ cake preps/ macs bfast in the comp lab/ play video/ cake/ more youtube videos using the projector/ moved the tables aside and watched just dance videos/ danced in the comp lab/ danced for hours/ post-dance syndrome/ headed to campus 1 to return any remnants left of this internship/ pictures of everything in campus 1/ comp lab in c1 to help qx and sam w video editing/ did just dance videos again/ ms swan whose line is it anyway lana del rey mix/ things got deep after 6pm/ rain/ headed home

promised myself to do wtv it takes to keep it healthy. got the meal plan and thought i was ready.
i wasn't.
went to jog with paige in the night and little talks were good. i think the best one is the secret pal one omg. funniest thing evzxzxzx ^3^

sleepover - ikea from two pm and beyond/ hm roped sam in for 8.50$ worth of meatballs that means twenty good balls/ took pictures in the display areas/ bought forty one boxes, coasters and shiz/ went home w auds and hweems/ four pizzas for $66- why r we not dead yet/ we miss fifi so we substituted the poodle for her- if there is an award for madness we'll win it hands down/ did the survival kits/ we never slept/ we never switched on the tv/ headed to kungfu paradise at 11pm- so apparently they close at 3am and have 50% off cakes/ i cycled/ pissed qx off coz she had to walk heehee/ shit just got real at 4am/ truth or dare truth/ i have to ask mum to stop buying good choc dammit/ talked about the future and it seems realistic/ sam and ivy fell asleep around 6-7 am, we put candles on them.

we are sitting on a sofa 

i am in an office

we found our spirit animals stuffed toys at ikea:

reb: asian + caucasian baby

hm: carrot head

qx: afdu lookalike which is actually a stalk of broccoli

sam: indian baby wearing green which resembles the light of her life

hl: snakes just because they're like cobras

ivy: panda b/c it matches her outfit

audrey: a pup b/c it is a pup

i will miss these little crazies but it won't be the last goodbye. they are an inspiring bunch.

Ready for a good celebration

I hope!
Last celebration (or is it...) of my Pathlight internship and it's gonna be the best of all. Thoroughly enjoyed the company of all seven of them during my time here. Hwee Min, Ivy, Qiu Xuan, Sam, Audrey, Fion, Huiling.
And the security of all these memories is further assured with the endless stream of photos and filtered shots in Instagram. Went first to the last yoga session w pecs and Jodi; it was days past the expiry date of our groupon so we had to act genuinely lost and nonchalant that we attended today's Pilates heh heh heh woops. Luckily this groupon did not have much ninja secret terms and conditions attached to it.
Slept at home and ok the whole annoyance of my phone being screwed is finally over and I've been rather obsessed with socialmedia-ing everything that I do.... ((((Argh ok)))))
Over slept, cycled past the usual packed bedok interchange crowd to meet Auds Sam Ivy and Fion who wasn't late for once and got down to baking which ended up rly well. I love baking in the sense that it is therapeutic and time consuming. Food is a symbol of care hence baking for someone means you care for someone idk does this make sense
Yea I just end up eating all my baked goods hence I can't bake much. Bottom line is that baking is enjoyable and I'm glad the iPhone is ok and we had lots of laughs at Audrey's need to perfect everything (arranging the colours into gradient form, taking angled shots of photos)

Lets enjoy life (because it really needs to be enjoyed) before university commences. Was talking to Mr Ho the art teacher and he said it in a matter-of-factly tone: yes of course, you should rly rest for these 8 months. It's the only time you can rest. When you're working ah *shakes head*
Always trust art teachers ha ha ha

Hope everything is fine on your side, friends.

Dim sum is d o p e

Had a satisfactory meal at a quaint Hong Kong looking restaurant tucked at the core of Geylang. So obscure, it doesn't even have a signboard to announce it's presence.
We ordered seconds, just because. And my stomach felt like its usual self today.
Jia Xin introduced and I have discovered my love for discovering little shops like this. So worth more visits!