please God

Feel compelled to post this, just because idk really. I feel a bit disappointed that I studied quite hard and keep chanting to myself that I'll pull through for Chem this time and I'm not so sure. And the looming Econs and Bio makes me fear the days to come. I know time doesn't rewind but idrk what else to do? I keep self-destructing and there's not much time left to rewire my thoughts anymore omg I guess I want this all pretty badly and it's placing stress on me. Everyone does and everyone feels it so hi guys you can do it. Self-destructing because I keep getting stupidly tormented by my own demons I'm so tiring of that already idk if I should handle the midnight oil????? There's not much asdfghjkl just being cooped up here in my room I couldn't solve a Chem question and it hurts haha this is stupid I really want to bag good grades for Econs and do MChua proud because he really did a lot for me in my understanding and to falter now would just be so so wasted. I know the sacrifices made now will reap better greater fruits in future but I..... Guess this is just the trough of feeling dismal and self-pitiful.
Never actually realise how much I wanted this. I feel different feelings from two years ago. I feel more motivated yet I know it'll hurt more if results don't come as expected.

I will try to change myself, please wait for me. :-(