dark hours

I find myself weaning off faith. God's light is shining so brightly yet I shut my eyes unwilling to let Him in. Maybe it's because I worry about worldly things so much, don't really know how to handle it, I guess. I want to do something to make my life -> :-) , but it's like being on the grocery list of six impossible things before breakfast; impossible and impossible. These days haven't been good in terms of productivity what am I making of myself. Dad's back and it's supposed to be kind of a happy occasion I guess. It's quite unlike me but I built up a wall then I find it hard to break
That's tough. On the bright side his food belly seems to have been reduced hehe thank you happy land and your quite revolting or just different, way of preparing meat. The pigs eat marijuana there. That's really really wrong; think hippy pigs getting hallucinations while trotting in the fields and the dudes going carnivorous on them while getting high themselves. Though I wouldn't mind living and meditating in the mountain ranges, so surreal.
Hazel's got her wisdom tooth fixed. / and I probably do seek solace in social media although I'm a slight opponent of accessing media during meal times
///// spiritual catharsis please come to me /////
Humu sisters are always good and I always got weeps' back.
And if you ask me to pick sides, I won't know where to go

There's a little something called protected time and I'm really dreading school because of it. 5 more weeks til prels hahahahaha shet the time in TJC is actually already limited. Even in this dreadful school there are politics and I choose to mangle myself in it like a dummy. Don't like being affected my life will just be about running and homework running and homework running and homework

Hmm yknow the relationship between the size of your dream/ passion and the extent of your success in life. That's making my head throb because honestly I have no idea and scholarships make it worse because it's an impossible reach, given my ease to succumbing to thoughts in my head okay that's just my greatest downfall; I can still never manage to focus for long stretches of time although it's the most scholarly thing to do.
I'll laugh when this is over, :-/