breathe

writing about depression in my second essay ; according to the cognitive theory, your negative core beliefs will shape your perception of the world and only let you subconsciously pay attention to any evidence in this world that is in line with what youre negatively thinking, even if it may contradict reality where there is a positive outcome. this is why i love to learn psychology + cognitive factors even though it might be a pain in the buttcheeks. it is very relevant to my perception of life esp since thinking is one of the more prominent features in mine//

 i think all through my teenage life, ive been grappling to come to terms with myself. being overthinkers/ just being sad was glamourized because it showed maturity and knowledge of things. but ive crossed the line too many times and started to internalize sadness as one of my core beliefs. i actually believed that people's destiny not themselves, let good things happen to them. eg because they are pretty/ skinny, they are charismatic so their lives will be great. i belittled my life and everything great around me. what was great for me in reality didnt turn out like that for me in my mind. i was never really content with what i had, and really, i based my happiness on the happiness of others through social media.

i wish i could tell my old self not to do that. negative thoughts are so internally destructive, they turn people into tired wrinkly old raisins because they get so worried about things. it was only when i came here and hypothetically got a chance to clear my head and see my life in singapore in a birds' eye view that i finally realized, after 6 years, that it is your internal self that shapes your life's events :") if you want something, you do it. if you want to achieve something, set goals and give yourself positive reinforcements from time to time to better motivate yourself. if you want something changed, dont feel as if your opinions are second-best. voice it and stop accumulating that negative emotion inside you that hasnt a way to escape out of you. stop comparing your life to the life of others and properly start living with what you have, to the best of your ability. if you dont love yourself then there wont be anyone else to love you for you.