daggers in the dark

i wonder if too much thoughts and time for contemplation will make me worse rather than motivated. up til now i have no idea what to be. too dumb for the medicine stream, too science-y for the psychology stream, too inadequate for scholarships, too unwilling to be a lab technician or a biomedical engineer or a chemist or an accountant (compound taxes no thx) maybe i'd be something like my cartoon superhero and save the world in a particular way maybe i will climb tibetan mountains or travel the world by sail or invent something.
i don't know. reality. a rock and a hard place.
no anyway, this year is a hard year for us, like all of us and sometimes fighting is all you want and need to do throw away those sh1t though it's hard it's friggin tough to let the mind think up thoughts of others that become a burden and then being replete with mindless senseless false thoughts that make you self-combust and makes you bob in and out of melancholy. what. really, whattttt.
saw deonn perform again today second time in my life in tj, so proud to say that i know the girl who brought tj drama up to the ranks of gold with honours. honours. and inge and they surely must have put a mad amount of effort which fortunately paid off. so glad for them. so here's reassurance, d, that you've made your mark the way you've wanted to even though you thought you couldn't at times. but you did and it's amaaaaaazing. come to think of it, i guess we've all had a relatively good year, improved in one way or another. glad to know ket and vik will lead the team to attain the stage of faster, higher, stronger. and bren and jas played good matches and floorball is up at the semis and i'm so heartened to hear that.
i will miss all this.