The dysfunctional nature, the fact that everyone has their own unique traits and personalities are really one of the reasons why I am able to wake up every morning. I love my CG 16. Everyone is not politically correct and flawless unlike 4M, where even the smallest gossips fizzle out into a spark like a dying fire sparkler on the tar road that has never reached the status of a roaring fire.
I really am appreciative of the girls who keep me happy like Jodi Lyn Jasmine Joy Abi Inge Hazel Esther okay like pretty much all the girls and the guys too okay I could never ask for a better class.
We're fighting hard against a conflict right now (how apt, especially since it's peak Peedub period...) and I really hope it gets resolved without anyone getting hurt. I guess I'm in the calm before the storm, that little bubble with a chopstick fence surrounding the perimeter of it, ready (or unready) to get my head into the mother ship of all that's unpleasant and scary. The true battles are those that you fight for yourself. I feel like I'm the only one who can fix it. It seems all so very noble and exaggeratively cliche, but that's just my analogy. I don't really know how to face this, let alone fix this............ I just want it to end so we can be a safe class again. The prospect of the outcome in my head doesn't seem very good though. Gahhhhh.
Okay, it feels as if ages has passed ever since that incident, but I just really have to voice it out somewhere and however risky and self-centered it might be- I don't think I can trust you anymore, not now and probably not ever. I can understand that it's your personality, yeah you can blame it on your genes; the way you act and everything, but I just feel that you've gone too far this time. Maybe you've gone far in other stuff but really...... I hate it when it comes to this and all you hurt is me so I can't really sympathize with your situation anymore. I'm not the good guy here, you're not the bad guy since there is a reason for our actions. It feels like a part of my heart has left and all is really bitter and unpleasant now. It's already been a few days and I'm still feeling like this. I feel that I've done something so unforgivable. It's like I don't even dare to face her now. It's not your fault cos the reasons for my actions are unexplainable even for me. I only remember how intensely disappointed in you. Like I thought you knew your limit like how I feel I lost who I am because what you did, all those things. They were private and personal, like to such a large extent. I just feel sad now. I had wanted to text you but I slept again and all that happened the day after was like nothing wrong had ever happened before. I need to tell you but I can't. Only hoping that by some miracle you'd be able to see this but if you don't then forget it. I don't even know what to do now seriously. I only hope that by God's good graces I'll be guided to do what's right.
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