the day started off quite sorely. just a run, then stayed at home most of the time. i don't know how normal people survive days at home. no one speaks. as usual. hung around in the room to tidy up the essay.
suddenly all these insecurities start to rush out to hit me. why can't i get anyone out for earth hour, why does some part of me become hesitant to go out after that, why do i look at my reflection and suddenly realize how many flaws there are on me. why is it still saturday and not sunday which proceeds monday when my life can finally proceed and get into high gear. (next week is autism awareness week which means hopefully, busy so i can get away from my thoughts)
why do i keep nitpicking on my friends' flaws. god they are my friends.
i thought there was catechism today but there wasn't (march hols you see), so i took a bus, realised, then went to the adoration room instead where i got to re-evaluate. i don't wanna go overseas neither do i want to stay in sg as i'm afraid i can't turn down procrastination and hall activities and what not. i'm scared that overseas will just be turbulence turbulence turbulence all the way- or maybe this is just pessimist speak?...... i really don't know. back then i was so sure speech therapy was going to be my thing. i will love my thing and i certainly want to help people. now that i have this option.... what if i can't turn back? and do i actually want to turn back? no, not really. i can't see any part of me going into biz or law or eng or any of that. /assuming my grades could take me there. but the sheer glamour of those industry really tempts me w its neon signage and big bold words. but no. st. the passion must pull me through.
does everybody just live their lives independently now like
o o o o o o .....venn diagrams of how people's lives are which show that none of them intersect.
i hate this part when i think my whole social life and family life are in shambles. contrary to popular belief, twitter rly wrecks my life or so i feel. the whole self-worth shit!!!!!!!!!!!!! sucks
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