don't believe in recipes no~

special feature: my new blue plate & my tiny toes in the background. 

unfiltered photos are not real photos ha ha ha 

carrot cake hearts with cashew cream frosting: 

1 1.5 c oat flour 

0.5 c desiccated coconut 

1 carrot 

7 dates 

* * * * * 

1 c soaked cashews 

2 tbsp coconut oil 

long drizzles of maple syrup

squeeze of lemon 

0.25 c water

✔️ blend, cookie cutter and freeze cake 

✔️ blend frosting and smother between two cake slices

i honestly think the presentation of the cake plays a huge role in garnering interests. my dad was so interested at the finished product and usually i have to bring my bakes to him. not diz time yo 

this batch is extra-carroty but i am going to improve (and start utilizing all the cookie cutters i have at home)!!

the stance

bold underline italics: SWEET POTATO FRIES OMG the best things in the world to eat 

it has honey inside it bc i put it there!!!! it's a new creation!!!!

met brend since freaking 2013 properly and we had (yay) 'impromptu adventures' which really is the best kind of adventure. basically my kind of adventure because planning is.... not part of my personality really. watched 'her' and 

there are so much feels for that movie!! for starters, spike jonze the director gave his very unique take on the future. technology accelerates and operating systems take on human voices and nuances and personalities and the idea of being in a relationship is pushed to the boundaries. the protagonist was open about being in a r/s with his OS and it seems so stupifying that he is proud of that fact. do we really have to alter social norms because of the new products that companies are pushing to us??? technology changes things that we do not wish to change and that itself is a frightening thought. the film is exhausting bc there are a lot of opinions about the human relationships with devices. can you really love an inanimate object the same way you can love a human? MAN THIS IS TERRIBLY STRESSFUL

✨

anw prior to this i had late lunch w my lunch dates bc bukit timah bc i had punctuality issues bc i woke up at noon bc easties cannot travel to da west on time. the living cafe was somewhere i really wanted to try ever since the bake day at my place!!! and we were all super enthused about healthy raw foods. the best part actually, was meeting the owner  who amazingly, was from australia. more amazingly, he hailed from sydney. the ultimate fact of the century is that he was from USYD!!! my uni!!! which makes me really excited bc it emphasized the point that aussies really know how to eat super clean. the instagram accounts i follow mostly originate from australia too!! he said "people these days are falling sick" and i do not disagree to that statement. i get worried for my dad who's such a hawker food lover as the rest of those in the same age demographic, and the brother who has instant noodles in wee hours of the night (the smells waft into my room)

something stirred in me about this passion for good clean food and urgh i really need to let it out or 

maybe clear my head first ☝️ 

to my busy future self:

✔️ choose foods that nourish, not punish

✔️ do not set yourself up in a position for bingeing unhealthy foods;

✔️ one of those ways would be to prepare loads of meals and snacks 

✔️ don't ever scrimp on fruits, veggies or superfoods srsly. 

✔️ eat foods that come from a plant, not made in a plant 

✔️ be smart. don't support processed foods / foods produced by big companies bc

they only want profit and hence would alter their food w chemicals and unnecessary additives. why would you waste your health and youth for their cheapskate methods :c

food making today under the kitchen sunlight ❤️

sweet potatoes w sour cream and avocado-chocolate which is practically my fav thing atm ❤️❤️❤️

clean/

today i went driving for the first time in the family car: kallang leisure park carpark and my dad -who was my instructor for the day- reluctantly let me drive to chung cheng where sis and cuz were training. i think.... i'm not an adept driving human???

i take swing my head left n right several times bfr confirming it's clear (ultisafety101) and the cars only come into almost-crash me when i didn't look that one time. there's some force of the universe conspiring against me and driving..... if i do drive, <45 km/h is good for me, thx. 

this wk i managed a run w hweems and it was the first 12k in frkn AGES ❤️ there's always a motivation when running w her or just anyone else bc u cannot stop when you're tired and when u promised to meet up, it's a given to exercise 

which brings me to the ketchup w jo-ann n xy: "we should meet up more often, but not for foods' sake". i am in dire need of such ideas!!! all meet-ups revolve around food and it's not right that food should be the only social glue!! i love food and friends but why are we so hungry all da time ha ha ha 

blogilates: holy blanket sheets, hweem n i heaved and screamed in unison when we found that we do cassey's vids and w jo-ann n xy:

x "guys, i've something to tell you- i'm doing pilates"

r "omg ISSIT BLOGILATES"

after that it was all a blur bc i was so happy HAHAHAH EVERYONES DOING BLOGILATES and that makes me happy bc cassey's exercises make me happy and i srsly swear by that stuff. and her values. and her motivation. wooopeeee

and jo-ann brought a flask of detox juice (spinach, carrots, apples). wts srsly it's amazing how lives can be physically separate yet so creepy-similar; i'm not complaining ☺️☺️☺️☺️

cocoa powder is my new-found love

blended up avocado w cocoa powder and sugar it is amazeballs really i would spend my savings to get more avocado. i cant love anything w avo in it ironically, just in chocolate ganache form. 

"bliss balls" are like the go-to for all the raw/vegan instas ☺️ tastes lovely n the main constituents are dates, maybe oats and seeds but rly just stuff it w random goodness. 

reb iphone otp

heh i'm such a mess without iphone, i am immensely glad i have my sister's 4s in my hands. SO MANY GREAT ADVENTURES AND PHOTOS TO TAKE and call my own ^_^ heh

woke at 6- for jodimsum it's worth it!!!! and we had go green day w the kids of loyang sec. theyre such happy beings, taking selfies w cats owned by the residents. it's a chill day n sitting in the karang guni car is defs a highlight ❤️

ytd was amaazin. the sights at marina bay float for river hongbao will be absolutely breaktaking. the lanterns were not lit, if it were though, it'd be like chinatown on a floating platform but very royal!!! 

there's a lot of stuff to write but i just remembered i have to reply jo-ann about something and ok these few days i feel very addicted to the phone and oft in a jittery distracted state!!!!!

thought of the hour: im afraid of being someone i wouldnt recognize. 

happy food ● no restrictions on it

stop stop stop

to my mind: idk what schizophrenic act you're putting me through, but i've had enough. i'm done!!!!!!! i can't make healthy choices only in daylight and come nightfall, revert back to my old eating habits noooOOOOooooooooOOOO i've come damn far and i cannot will not must not ever let myself down by binge eating like shit / getting triggered by the sight of food in the house i cannot. it's not a dietary restriction, it's a very strong and opinionated lifestyle choice.
it is not a dietary restriction bc science says that if you are restrictive, then there'll come a day when you go overboard w the junk food.
so i am typing it here as a promise to myself, and all the readers here as witnesses to this promise:

• i will never touch processed sugar because after a few tough battles lost w food recently, i've noticed that the more i eat sugary things, the more unhealthy food i crave and there is really a lot of obstacles in my house this is a friggin war (mind vs conscience) i'm losing and it is hard to keep fighting on so- no bad things for me!!
• if you fail to plan you plan to fail. i think meal preppin is the ultimate essential tip to all of clean eating
• cleaneating2014 i want this, i really do, actually.

what happened today was that mummy brought back cakes the amount equal to that of the catering at the chalet (lulzerz!!!!!!!) n yup i was like no at first and i did!!! i did stop myself...... only to let it go afterwards.

this food relationship is seriously balls. :c maybe it's bc i m alw at home???????? maybe sydney-time will get me distracted w the more important stuff..

did you know saying vulgarities makes you drive your points across and shows that you are a passionate person ha ha ironically while others might want to stay away from the foul mouth,

i would like it very much to be one. 

fufuu

walls.

emotionally taxing day for me i slept for the entire late afternoon hence accomplishing just about- nothing. went to my popos house bc she is recently discharged from hosp after suffering a bad fall. i was supposed to help them boil rice but ended up having their catered lunch tgt w them :'))))) bc popo divided the rice into three parts but i gave most of my rice to her in the end. initially i was afraid i wouldn't do a good job boiling rice / caring for them but i realized if you love someone you must not hesitate one second to put love into action. it's a flaw of mine to craft a perfect gesture in my mind but it never ends up perfect so it never gets done. anws that part was okey and nice and i never got to have lunch w just my grandparents alone so it was worth it. helped to prepare the angpows for cny and was going to leave the house when the intense moment happened and kong kong insisted i do not lock the gate bc he was there but he has dementia and i waved goodbye to him from a distance but i couldnt leave him bc he often goes out and it's dangerous as heck and i had to follow him to the coffee shop n ignore the stares of the coffeeshop uncles around me bc i think i looked pretty suspicious n out of place just standing there n looking at kong kong from afar
anw this went on for a few n then i told my mom n she called to say i should get him back but i felt rly sad and it seemed like an extremely difficult task. it took a lot out of me to go up to him and ask him to go back to popos house with me. his coffee cup was half filled and i sat beside him for a while bfr he said his coffee was too sweet. we walked back and he asked me about my university. i'm thankful that he still remembers me *and my estimated age*
idk it just feels really sad that there comes a time when the functions of a human just degenerate and chew away the person that you once were. there will be a time when you cannot care for others anymore, you can only rely on others' care for you. it's so sad. i'm sure he didn't remember that i was supposed to go off half an hour ago n that i was circling the coffee shop desperately trying not to be seen by him.

Doing this for my family

So omg i better pass!!!! My nerves were tearing me down but after sorting out the right mentality in how i shd take the wheel (safe slow driver) my lesson went alright!!!

edit:
FREAKIN PASSED WOOHOO by the hairs on my neck *is that a phrase bc if it is then it's a weird sounding one* 18 demerit points on my third try does no one have faith in me

swear this was worse than As.........

oh man, quite honestly the scariest thing i have ever done in my entire life. i almost went inside the bus lane when it was in operation too but thank u lord for the nice man to remind me not to. (he was my only tester who gave me pointers thru out the test like when to turn my wheel round the bend etc. i work better w nice people around definitely)

me being a real noob posing w my paper. it is truly an important sheet of paper because it gives me the freedom to drive. drivers have lots of responsibilities on their shoulders, says captain obvious. i must never take this privilege for granted. 

mummy can i drive now pls *internal wail*

hõla twennie fourteen

i felt i needed to write an extremely concise essay about positive changes i've done for myself and how i want my 2014 to be (finally taking a firm hold of the reigns of my life).
for the most part of 2013- and quite honestly life prior to 2013, my life has always been about (frankly) pleasing others!! and who i was as rebecca the human was suppressed bc (frankly) i was insecure as hell. today i finally take the courage to recognize myself as a rly insecure person who couldnt hold her own. RECOgnition!! i think just recognizing my own weakness helped me get deeper into who i am, understand myself and why i act certain ways- and make me determined to change things positively. i've immaturely treated this insecurity of mine and turned it into some sort of poetry or art form all my adolescent years. regarded it as another phase of my life and didn't do much to figure out why i needed to feel sad all the time and then blog about it. (in retrospect, my previous blog posts were all vaguely sad, sad about my surroundings. i was blind to the blessings because too much of my time focused on the sad.) actually this insecurity (of my image) has somewhat adversely affected my friendships, family- human contact. i was honestly afraid to lose those around me and was insanely in to the "only certain friends worth keeping" attitude. as a result, even the simplest of actions like replying too late (lol irony) put my emotional self into overdrive and made me think the other person didnt care, etc. now that i think about my past actions, i find it such a heartache to know that i lost connections with people just because they did not level with my expectations of them. anyway all of those sort of internal goings-on in my brain of 'who to keep and who to discard' probably took a huge toll of it. i overthink so much it teeters a lot to the insane side yeah. makes me stressed out even though this stress is completely uncalled for.
at the same time i think i don't give enough time for myself?!?!?! what with all the ongoings in my head about other people

what am i to say when you asked what i'm here for

i'm a bad liar and said i am waiting for mum to come and pick me when it's supposed to be that i'm here so that nothing bad happens to you bc you cannot take care of yourself :"c

realizing my responsibilities shows me how much i need to take proper care of myself (not shovelling food down my throat ever so often when i feel stressed & disgusting myself). i can handle this no biggie

x i see fire x

i bought 4 jars (masons) and a handy dandy slicer/grater set from mustafa (god that place is a treasure trove of all things cheap and nonsensical)

it was a sweechoon dinner today w my 1611s!!! jasmine n i being all nonchalant about the fact that we've just came back from hongkong land of dimsum. we came from farrer park, thankfully not lavender bc i read rly stressful stories of other people walking 15 mins from lavender. we took 10 mins tops. directions are not my thing. i'd have to read the map upside down just so that i correspond the buildings tgt w that on the map and then again, i'd be hopelessly lost. hongkong has emphasized this fact v lucidly hahahaha shewts.
being lost aint necessarily a mega bad thing though. more sights to see and aroma to stimulate your olfactory senses
sweechy: dem amazin liushabaos i swear i can eat 3 of em!!! and flavourful skins of fried tofu w pork floss. we all had that appreciative silent moment for the dawn of such sumptious dishes upon us.
mustafa: we found this screen of a buddhist temple and decided to fool social media that we'd been overseas *again*
it was the worst joke ever bc the screen had black lines where it folds
i think we were a rly weird bunch.... we went around the whole of mustafa and had hardcore (good for the core) outbursts in each section. the indians there judge us
we laughed at long candles that burnt for 85 hours and, "oo candles. for those who dont wanna have sx in the dark" "white candles are meh"

kitchen section- big spoons for big appetites,
meat tenderizers that looked v much like a hammer w spikes,
giant forks w 2 spearheads.. hypothesizing on how each utensil fits into womens' handbag n makes for a good weapon.8
~found my julienne peeler though~ - or a good substitute.

●
is it scary to think that there are no inherently bad people in this world? lance  armstrong was a great man, but he was tossed aside because of the duping. he was the same lance armstrong, a human who makes decisions for himself, while perceptions of him changed because others had found out what he had done. i mean to say that there are no evil people, just evil actions- evil only in that instance. 
people act a certain way for a reason and it is perception of the others around him to judge, according to their own standards. towards my family, i have acted somewhat hostiley in the past few years of my life. i didnt understand why i got so irritated w them so easily. finally, it dawmed on me that i had a lot of expectatioms from them on how to act as a family, just that i couldnt find the avemue to express myself. in this warped sense, i 'hated' my family bc 1
) i didnt realize the great things theyve done for me. ive foolishly taken it all for granted 2) of the different perceptions of what love is. mummy and daddy drive off durng the weekemds w/o waking us up. i get frustrated bc we never have familytime. they didnt want to wake us up from our slumber and had chosen to get breakfast for us. 
-1) & 2) are pretty much the same point- bc im not good at organizing my lists right.
so anyway ppl will always have reasons for stuff. and funny, they will think they are always right. theyd do things which benefit themselves. it is a neutral observation and i can see it very much in myself too.
it's a huge revelation for me bc with this nugget of info i see things in a differentlight. there is greater tolerance on my part, towards others. be it friends, family, commuters, co-workers. i guess it makes for a much happier me since i do not get mad easily at others for when my expectations are not met.
2014 and beyond is for me to be the best version of myself. loving myself = loving others better, sounds flawed but i've made sense of it in my head, really!
!!
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resolutions
1) no nights beyond 2am
2) runs 3x a week or more 
3) eat right ♡ no getting emotionally tied up w food. know that processed food robs the body of youth. packed food

life-changing loaf

recipe from (eatgreencake) ● every bite is meaningful bc of the high density of the loaf, there are nuts and seeds in every morsel

going raw

theres a project called 365grateful and it is of a lady who had suffered frm depression but found great joy in taking a polaroid a day of all th3 things she is grateful for. seems so simple but it musthave taken a lot of willpower and perseverance to squeeze out happy moments even in the darkest of pmsy days.

anw what went down today was hardcore baking w my scholarly friends at home and it was great how we were all excited about healthy raw vegan baking in our own way, like the first taste of the avocado chocolate ganache (instant hit i swear upon it) or just the convenience of dumpin the ingredients into the food processor and waiting for the magic to befall upon us. raw food is an fresh new aspect to explore in the gastronomic realm but definitely worth exploring.
it is also exciting bc it makes me really happy that i'm getting sweet foods at the low price of minimal calories!!! it's my one new years wish that i want to keep at. and hopefully i can bring gems of recipe ideas to sydney.
sydney is this year!!! i have to read a really long contract from the student accomodation place -really impt info there- & the kids are talking about it while i am just..... idk. i'm waiting for a good time to properly open up the documents and read it carefully. woops that time'd better be soon

oh & properly plan and pack for hongkong which is this week *thoroughly excitessss*!!! talking to friends about it makes me scared of the canto-concentration but most of them reassures me that surviving on engrish and weak chinese is fine.