don't you worry child, see heaven's got a plan for you

i thought today would be a bad day because of the bad start (just didn't really go my way- i couldn't find clothes and i was still at home at 1230 even though i was meeting Bren and D at 1.30, and i thought i couldn't borrow the dslr... all f.w.p.) (but then my parents offered to send me, and they gave me extra moolah, still i'm always pained to ask cash from them because they're forever nice about it- can't wait for the paycheck oh shet)
the state of unhappy is almost always in the mind. yucky.
thankful for paige because i actually really yearned for a h2h, because a levels for me has always been kind of an independent thing for me although i know everyone's there for me. idk i just felt i needed to prove myself/ idk how it will turn out. i get restless whenever i think of it. man, i think whatever the outcome, i'll just work really hard regardless. pretty excited about starting anew in uni. hopefully, the drive will be present. besides that, i'm really stunned by the extent to which our thoughts and our lives overlap. i thank god for everything. my thoughts have been spoken by a different mind. does this make sense? this is amazing!!! this is like telepathy and i love telepathic things. the issue of family has always been tough for me, idrk why too. can't really help the tears. and paige said it, it's like everything is perfect and what is affecting us are our attitudes. it took me this long to realise why i'm so upset that things don't go my way is because i don't voice it. sometimes i feel having to repeat myself to my dad esp; is quite the anticlimax. he'll alw be like "huh?" after everything i say.
"where are we going?" "huh?" "where are we going."
every time. and i make a pretty big deal out of it and arghhhh rgeriogweirwemfw. i get so irked that this annoyance takes precedence over all the nice things he has done for me. as in i know how to grateful and yet, i don't, really. hi paige i think i would have teared over tiny mentions like the above, i'm sorry i didn't say as much as i should haha. but really grateful for your understanding and a listening ear. underneath the night sky is a good place to talk. it's still quite the miracle our sentiments are carbon copies of each other. wtv it is, you know i've got your back in whatever circumstances. and don't be disillusioned for life because of two people okay (i know it's hard) yay for that thousand plus people out there who are mature and level headed and amazing and understanding.
and all while aaron was playing house of the dead or smth with his friends at the virgin experience of a sleep over.
paige, natasha, xin yu and fedora had dinner at this new place, pasta something, which had warm waitresses and waiters, the kind of hospitable fifty-something aunties with short hair. it's a new place! hope they'll thrive because the people there are nice. talked a bit then went to marble slab to talk more. tried to list down all 39 of 6 gardenia 2006. sooooo nostalgic to get my memory jolted again by everyone's experiences, like mrs dora see's pe lessons, favoritism, after-school adventures although i rly don't recall going out at all in primary sch, just the potato wedges because i bought them home for my sister & bro to try because i was so excited. it was all soggy but i think the nacho cheese kind of made it delectable. 50c worth of sinfulness. i'm so glad no one has changed radically. we're all the same.
and rewind a bit. i read my book which was sick lah. the kind brenda will read when she's still premature and just learning about the workings of this world. luv you bren. prior to this, epilogue cafe. where the veggies tasted rough and woody. the pie was good and the ambience made up for it because it was pleasantly empty. we laughed a whole lot. and deonn showed us her domestic prowess by her banananacake w chocolate chips and cookies w hundreds and 1000s. thirty pages of the book DONE. in four hours. really happy, although for a brief moment i thought we would be spending our time at the last resort destination, starbucks. haha. really glad everyone's post proms went great!
just thought you should know that:
i cannot remember 1. insignificant (subjective) past events that happened more than 5 years ago- maybe less 2. past exam questions and answers (don't ask me what i wrote for the a level chem or econs essay i cannot recall) 3. exact conversations from the past.
sometimes i question the effectiveness of a twelve year education that is replete with rote learning.

i agree w/ the friends separation groupings. as in, sometimes i feel i can only do certain things w certain people which is really fine, somehow it all manages to weave smoothly into the tapestry of my life. i'm really glad i came to know of such people. yupppppppppppppppppppppp.
through this period i somehow managed to control my emotions. okay just a little bit. i can feel it.

bon voyage to pecoon aka mooncake. and hazel who is probs in malaysia now. and omg all the scholars in class and the ones i've known throughout tj life but ok you don't read this........
11.12.12

(sia luh) i foresee a huge backlog of photos for uploading!!!!!!!1
two more days til i bon voyage
still feel a kind of...... closure??? idk, inextricable calmness from today.