im going to bake a raw cake!! for new years eve. none of the processed things flour sugar butter bye
it'a going to be dates carrots and maple syrup
i slept for 11 hours and honestly felt better after it. blended spinach apples and frozen banaynayz and dude it was sick. not going to let bad emotional self ruin this end to 2013.

dont cry- fight it.

i guess i got rly sick of my bland boiled veggies. the colour of the cauli, carrots and beans were all half seeped out. coupled w a foul atmosphere within the house today made me inflict harm upon myself. i should have more respect for my body. i should know better and stood up for myself, instead of concealing all the damn time and taking the blows like it doesnt even hurt but it does. concealing my emotions is all that i ever do. either that or i guard it too harshly until it seems like i'm a hostile, terrible person.
if new years eve is a monumental occasion then damn right i'll make it so. if running should be done in the morning is what i frequently pine for then i'll make myself enthused and get up and do it, out of respect for myself. fck if the hong kong trip is what i'm rly looking fwd to then i better muster up my courage and proclaim it to everyone instead of absorbing other people's opinion on my life.
reb i wish you knew you cant be 20 sans freedom

making these a responsibility

reboot running regime n stop overthinking????
blogilates one hour / day
handwrite recipes from eatgreencake and ohsheglows
get spinach brocco bananas carrots
make sweet potato fries
find coconut oil recipes

NO KERFLUFFLE WILL RUIN MY PLANS especially not that daily tiff about that certain subject when will you ever see the end of it rebecca

burpburp

watched jamie's food revolution; jamie oliver's plight to radically alter the way americans get their nutrition. so amazingly inspiring. i don't know- is it personal choice of each american individual that has landed them in a diabetic epidemic or their culture of food + propensity to magnify their food to gargantuan proportions all the time?
sometimes i feel a little american within myself. like an inability to control what i eat. i've managed, i think, to properly straighten myself out (after being amazed at the ge women's run late this year)
this topic of food and the human relationship with food interests me to no end. there is a great neurological factor at play here, that makes people desire to consume high-caloric foods for a transient moment's satisfaction, it's real bc i felt it.
then moving on to the great control tower that is the brain of the homosapien. (and this is a totally different topic but i've really been thinking this through a lot)
self-worth. i have taken this long to realize that great self-worth comes when you yourself decide that you are worth more than you thought you were. you decide whether you want to take care of yourself better or not- splurge on better quality foods for your own well-being, don't ingest poisonous synthetic food with ingredients your 5-year-old self cannot understand (thx jamie oliver), sleep earlier sleep better, make it a point to wake up in time for the sunset- or more preferably, be at the beach just for it. make yourself satisfied and don't do things just for the sake of others. be selfish sometimes b/c sometimes it is for the better. it really is true that if you have more self-worth, you have greater power to positively affect the others around ya.
the root of all these wonderful things; the mind.
it is also a great agent for change in any situation and circumstance. set your mind to change the status quo and let your body follow it.
i'm not sure how i was last time. i remember i was acutely self-conscious of what i did because i feared, ever so often, that my actions would garner dissatisfaction from others around me. if only i knew how to hold my ground. if only i wasn't too harsh on myself on needing to please other people. if i was less passive i think my jc life would be crazy different haaa.

dailies of my life circa '07

i think that was my entire adolescent life. (emotionally in isolation) i finally can say today that i am not self-conscious of this moment anymore!!! embracing this horrible period of mine (2007 - 2011 probz) as it has shaped me into who i am n will be in future. 

can't change it anymore so credit it for making you who you are on this very day.

flower boxing day

they have develped vsco for andriod!!!! what a milestone for photo editing now heehee

personally my favouritest thing ever from the entire day of picture-taking. this: one of the rare moments captured of us humus in fake action.

my #2 fave moment of the night

now that i'm ready to face the world, my to-do list has fizzled out a lil' bit- i don't have much to face right now. but hello i hope the holiday season has been as amazing to you as is has, me! really made it a point to make it a happier one for my sustenance for aussie 2014 which i am fearing day by day. 

26/12

invited the girls over for a really awesome boxing day night (hee @ juxtapositions)!!!

• i placed a sashimi on hazel's plate in a bid to coerce her into trying out raw food
• blew coloured balloons
• wore a top which had a colour that couldn't be classified *salmon? pink??*
• jasmine made flower crowns for all of us while she watched kdramas
• gift exchange which was the sweetest part of the night
• inspired by a gift idea that i read somewhere, i bought six airtight plastic containers. together with my sister we measured cornstarch, flour, confectioner's sugar and baking soda- dry ingredients for nutella cookie sandwiches aka yo-yos, for each of the girls. all that is needed are wet ingredients like butter, nutella and van essence. (hate to say it, but i think this is my best present idea to date bc it's most home-ly and un-synthetic) (other instances of my present-gifting suck....)
• 7 polaroids in the garden

there was something about that night, a night termed by jas as "better than prom". it was though!!! i wasn't outrightly appreciative of this group of girls like throughout my jc years as i would like to be. terribly cliche, but i do wish right now that 2012 rebs would be more genuinely happy in the company of these people and show it. we had lunch together, talked to the porridge uncle, ordered tehbz, endured remedials and terrible h2 econs classes and a bxtchy form teacher,

we banded together during pe lessons and rolled on the synthetic football field once. and prom. we got through prom together and it was good (!!!!!11)

these people are gold. i wish my heart was there more, for them and the time together esp j2 (what a year.)

things get amazing if you want it to be.

say smth, i'm giving up on you

when i see mango sticky rice in bangkok

here's my ultra qt pie auntie who loves to pose for peace-sign shots, she's so wonderful and i didn't give her enough recognition in my childhood

en route to suvarnabhumi airport via express train *snazzy*

this was supposed to happen on the first day!!!

mindblowingly good buys from bangkok!!! i would think the stuff there fall short on quality, but i stand corrected as even chatuchak had blogshop-worthy clothes and solid leather platforms/
but for the most time of this trip, i spent with family and soaking in the sights this city's got to offer. money does buy great experiences sometimes as of our hotel which was *heaven* and i watched frozen in 3-dimension with my dad n ricky, our fam yolo moment.
fun fact: we had to stand up before the movie commenced as the king's anthem was playing. everyone in the cinema has to!!!
mbk, platinum, terminal 21 had us as visitors, and i tried the massages at healthland-
(strongly do not recommend the thai massage it was two hours of immense pain to the muscles ha ha and it was ticklish too; i shocked the lady when i jerked my foot up as a reflex bc she touched my soles and my dad mum and aunt laughed) and in the aromatherapy one u had to be stark-naked save for the tiny disposable black underwear while the masseuse rubs you with oil and she rubs your butt cheeks too... no shame no shame.
amazing seafood on the last night and coconut ice cream at chatuchak and mango sticky rice at terminal21 where we stayed ($2.80 for a big plate), marvellously great deals all day

speaking of chatuchak market, i planned to meet magnum before we left but it was heart wrenching bc we waited at different stations and he waited for two hours which speaks volumes of his kindness and he even contacted brenda to try to contact me but on my side i didn't have wifi (the worst ever way to travel handsdown). would have loved to meet him + my family was so sad it was amusing.

frozen was so good i caught it again w jo and shaun (jo proceeded to watch it like a second time in a day w alvs aww). haven't been able to revel in the shared memories of pink family between the years of 2007 to 2010 bc 

1. overprotective mother 
2. oppressing curfew (to be back before sunset)
3. they always seem to hang out at night idek....

but anyway bren jo and ariel are my friends-i-go-to-most-frequently and i'm really grateful for them being in my life and accepting all the shitty vibes i throw at them, my poopy insecurities and their willingness to fight them w me by not making me think about it bc they're positive people.

^ the stark contrast of that brief paragraph and the actual reality of my adolescent years and the heavy-overthinking which i do bc i was very reactive to what other peoples' thoughts are; are as extreme as black and white rly.

i love the later part of 2013 bc i get to be close to family, be close to friends worth treasuring for a century. would not like 2014 to arrive at my doorstep now 

Stifled giggle ¤ Secret sanctum

Celebrated YY's birthday ytd and it was nice meeting up, having (somewhat comfortingly bitchy oops) post-final chats. Rly felt nice and nostalgic, like i get the privilege to relive those pockets of happy JC memories w them. That's basically the joy whenever old friends from past lives meet up and talk like we do not age. Actually really lucky for peng yous i have and i've said it so much since 2009 (urppz puberty) i've grown old n wrinkly just counting them but like rebecca v2.0 here really takes it up a notch when she said it this time.
When i was walking to bedok mall i stifled a giggle while thinking of my choice of friends bc i can't believe i'm so lucky *maybe this is happiness at work maybe i'm lucky*
& the cherry on top is that
1. popo thinks and worries abt me being sh1tty noobz in aussie and not being able to cook ginseng chicken soup (defntly a real cause 4 concern), even though she's hurting.
2. i got to buy dinner back for 3/5 of family today. like an almighty caveman hunting prey for his wife and kids except it's me using limbs to travel to bedok mall to get food- mummy entrusted me w a grown up thing to do and i'm appreciative of it
3. my cousin is in need of a speech therapist and ah yee says she'll wait for me to study my course so she can consult me. i think thats a major game changer for me in how i face my academics next year, hopefully my level of speechie-lovin' will skyrocket and take my grades along with it. but wow grades aside, i think to serve or do anything in fact, needs pure passion and dedication. & to those who have it in them, are absolutely remarkable and command a high level of respect.
i didn't have the maturity to recognize this before. i didn't know how hard people worked to get where there are right now- the sacrifices the heartache the turmoil wow it's amazing
and more amazing to think that everyone has it in them to make a difference in the world. theres so much potential in people and it matters so much what you do w it
i didnt have the maturity to recognize this before, bc it was such a big deal for me to stare at my inner demons and fear it. and that precious time wasted could have been used to notice all the great things in life and make it btr yknow??? a little part of me does not regret my stinky past though, bc w/o it i wouldnt have cme to this conclusion
i managed to handle my feelings such that i dont need to eat/exercise to feel better abt myself <- grrrrrrr messed up mind thoughts.

and huzzah for finding absolute gems in the city hall area and having nam nam phö noodles as a centrepiece for a comfy meet up w/ x. furevr appreciatin the sentences we exchange which somehow alw gets me rly excited to travel and see the world (& make it better yet not affect the unique cultural heritage of it) and like it's all really empowering?!?!?! insane to the membrane.

*trudges on imaginary airport runway en route to bkk* i badly wish for 2013 to end with me having btr relations w my fam n it's all on me now to make the change aughhh

my thoughts are stars i can't fathom into constellations.

caught the hobbit (desolation of smaug) w my family on friday night. i've always regarded it as sort of a tradition: all of us watching peter jackson movies since its inception a decade ago (!!!). one more great hobbit movie to go!! legolas still being amazing as ever. i clipped up newpaper articles of him and of a troy movie advert bc orlando bloom was in it. omh he's heaven even after a decade.
these few days were a blur, but i rmb visiting pops and seeing fam members i'd normally only see on weekends. i can never stop appreciating how our family bands together in a time of need like this.
met paige and time w her is always cherished (thank you). had 50c sushi and really proud of us not biting off more than we can chew ha ha preventing our fatty cravings from getting the best of us and what's pretty amazing is that when i would normally polish off junk when i reach home- i didn't!!!! i felt it was such an accomplishment at that particular moment, like my road to progress is being constructed really well. it's real it's happening and i will adopt it as my whole new way of life. my feelings since bhutan have lingered (in a good way). there was limited variety of food and i packed raisins, prunes and nuts for the road and also brought like 5 apples and persimmons. i felt at ease because my food choices were reduced to those few better choices. and i guess right now i am trying hella hard to condition my body not to fall easy victim to foods bad for me. i love drinking hot tea in bhutan too!!! *ribbon around finger* must do that here.
they serve tea in every meal, mostly black tea. it suits the weather and food perfectly. a truly harmonious amalgamation of flavours complementing one another. really amazing! green tea has an amazing nutty flavour which i'm extremely addicted to. <- gotta have more of that!!! <-

welps today was bedok mall visit number 2 w my uss gang. sampled tim ho wan and itacho sushi- crazy delectable hk n japan cuisine. really the variety of food here is unmatched. haven't seen those girls in ages esp yy and we laughed ha lot (geddit). at one point we reasoned w ourselves why we are trying on uniqlo winterwear in a noob attempt to prevent the staff from kicking us out. we tried 3 different winter jackets and all was well.
"eh this one not bad leh only 179.90$"
"omgosh it's so soft feel it"
"we need this for our korea trip right, how cold is it there ah"
and in the end:
"oh man our flight got cancelled"
"oh well too expensive, i'm putting it back on the rack"

why are we almost 20 y/o (?)

perfect II

1. push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.
   
   2. push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable.
   
   3. erase processed food from your diet. start with no lollies, chips, biscuits, then erase pasta, rice, cereal, then bread. use the rule that if a child couldn’t identify what was in it, you don’t eat it.
   
   4. get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else.
   
   5. stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything.
   
   6. buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.
   
   7. buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small.
   
   8. strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full.
   
   9. organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle.
   
   10. have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.
   
   11. push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog.
   
   12. message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through.
   
   14. think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything.
   
   15. become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends.
   
   16. lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you.

i saw this on tumblr (thx xy) and i fell in love with it. it's the ultimate perfect happy lifestyle guide. that and loads of digital detox. 

tough times don't last but tough people do.

fate/ life/ god is a funny being. he plays humorous jokes like adding twists and turns to an otherwise seamless smooth journey called life. just after bhutan, ironically the happiest place, an uncomfortably worrying sad thing arrives at our doorsteps once back home in singapore.
my family is so strong. i saw family life through a frame today and it was beautiful; smiling but we're close to tears. laughing when popo thought she was wearing specs when she had tubes in her nose. there's light everywhere, even in the darkest moments and that's pretty gratifying.

people are not made happy because of the circumstance they're in, but because of their individual outlook on life

i realize everyone- irregardless of societal status, wealth, health- gets bountiful opportunities to be happy.
TAKE
IT
and guard it fiercely. it's all yours so savour every last morsel of happy. idk, but this night made me happy albeit it hypothetically being a sad occasion. i played w my littlest cousin today; carried him around and went to peer into the miniature water installation, i went to have kway chap w my parents for dinner after touching down. i know i wouldn't have done these things a year a month ago, not even close.

perfect.

Last night here in Bhutan

I will be at a loss of what to do after this trip (there will b a flurry of meet ups w favourite singaporean people and xmas shoppin n -hopefully- postcard making). Flying off in the break of dawn at 7:20 from the Paro Airport. When we first stepped down from the plane what amazed me was how traditional looking the airport was, what with its very asian /ancient china looking roofs and intricate paintings over the bleach-white walls. The architecture of this country is pretty-no very consistent which is a beautiful and fascinating thing! Bhutanese take pride in adorning houses w beautiful handdrawn designs and intricately carved patterns on every window and door.
This country is frighteningly beautiful and rich with traditions and beliefs dating back centuries that it deserves to be fiercely protected and kept away from the ominous clutches of globalization. Im no buddhist but the richness of this country is enough to make me a convert. *tbc* *does religion have to be a strict thing or can i have two religions at once idk this is bad*
Today we had the 'grand finale' of this trip, the climbing of thakhsang (900 frightening metres abv ground level) & we left the hotel at 8am, came back at 4:30. The route was peppered w hardcore steep slopes that makes lungs burn from the high altitudes and the rays of the sun make u heat up and want to take off your thick coat despite it being the chilliest of the winter days. The people sold walking sticks and made horses available for rent although we used our feet to conquer the mountain. So excited to upload the photos bc its picture perfection and so, so underrated u dont even know!!!! idek. ♥ dad has alw been super positive thruout the climb bc it's his third time now and he'll b all "ok this part means we're reaching alr", "after this part ah i must warn you first, it's going to be very steep"
In the middle of the journey, as a trademark of all vertical hikes, they served us tea and biscuits and i think it's so cute bc the ppl are friendly and where the heck do they make tea and biscuits in the middle of nowhere right
The climb was undoubtedly rewarding as the views were bucketlist-worthy, the cliffs were sharp and grey n seemed like a big budget chinese movie set. More than that.
I finally know why daddy has alw been excited about bhutan, i had to see it to believe it and then fall in love w it. Hes also super well-versed in all things bhutanese bc of his frequent trips so all my qns could be answered hahahaha informative.

tl;dr- bhutan is underrated and beautiful hence worthy of everybody's time and consideration!!!

Bhutan

Its been my fourth day into touring this majestic country. It yruly is untouvhed by the factory-made artificial goods like McDonald's and Ferragamo n life is simple anf content here.
Everythjng is made locally anr what made me yhr most happy is thqt there are no pesticides used in thr veggs and fruits. Things are organic yet they are cheap which is a stark vontrast from sg imported crops bc they jave to b expensivr first befpre they are otganic. For all my meals here ive never sampled a veggie that has that bittwr aftertaste remnant of pesticides. That has got me thinking of life back home; that they would make poisonrd veggies available for the masses whilr only the higher tier enjoys pure things??? The economy has driven our decisions that result in really nonsense choices.
This country id poor yet it does not feel that way. All thr locals are genuinely friendly and treat us tourists kindly wirhout any hint of xenopjobic hostility. Food is cheap here (we d be rich bc of our exchange rate!!!) We dined at a sligjhtly westernizrf restaurant w a massive pizza sized 'regular' costing SGD6, quality uncompromized. Yak burgers *yolol* w a side of fries are SGD4. Digressing- yaks n cows r everywhrrr even on yhe roads. Thr roads r mainly one-laned so sometimrs we have yo wait for thrm to cross or thry can be 15cm away from the van while the driver expertly maneuevers his way around these animals.
My dad has somr friends ftom the ministry n we had amazeballs authrnic bhutanese cuisine. We shared momo and noodle soup one time n it was SGD30 for 13 people. Momo are carbohydrate bombs bc they r xiaolongbaos with a mad generous outer layer. Beef dumplings essentially. And thr hpapy people dining tgt ultimatdly constitutrs a happy meal!!!
We travel a few hours eveeyday n i never ever sleep  on the  bus bc its alwaus a sight to look at the mountains from yhr van windows. Roads are beside cliffs so steep its exhilaraying to look down below. BEST PART IS THERE R NO BARRIERS!!!! *roller coaster feels* also i dont slp during road trips bc im holding my pee ever so often. Ive even come up w stupid pee phrases like "its not even high tide anymore its the freakin 2004 tsunami", "my bladder is crying". The roads r not v well maintained n its bumpy all yhe time. Makrs me wna pee even more which is why i peed on the grass a coupla times.... its so so fun maybe i waa meant to live in the wild or smth.
We've been visiting temples, buddhist university (!!!!!) for aspiring monks and ive learnt a lot about buddhism. Tbh i avtually ljke it, i like the stories the guidr tells us when we comr across rlaborate n beautiful paintings on trmple walls, and i feel there are a lot of trachings about happiness, attaining enlightenment. How the demons arr actualy in the thoughts of individuals which i agree 100% not just bc i rxperirnce it sometimes but it justifies a lot of actions from other people as well. My thoughts r flurried but thesr are my vague takeaways.
Since bhutan is in thr middle of literally nowhere ok, somewhr near india and the himalayas, the slopes. The slopes make me cry. To visit the buddhist uni, we hiked up a crazy steep slope probly 50 degrees in angle, no joke. It was cold yet i lamented to my sis tjat my back had a sheen of perpiration bc it was so tough n the altitude was making my head hurt n my lungs gasping for air. The view was so amazing though. *cue miley cyrus' the climb*
lol no ew
I see clouds on mountains i see clouds below mountains i see mega fit ppl (with like beautiful legs HAHAHA result of going up the slopes evryday. Its not xonsidered exercise tjat they jate doing. Its a way of life!!! I wish i have that heh singapore is so automated tjat it has become a norm to get on vehicles onstead of using our bodies as a form of travel. Such a worrying yet peculiar contrast)
Theres a nicotine-laced food thing, similar to cigs- beetlenut juice it stains teeth red and kjnda scary looking as if bleeding gums are a prevalent disease here. And patches on the road have red splotches whr ppl have spit. I have yet to spot wild marijuana as my mum has promised though
Im typing on board the van n i feel gd bc today not so high tide ah. Heres the view

state: post-food-coma.

yesterday: a la thanksgiving meal-

1. d'good cafe's english breakfast set consisting of toasted brioche, sauerkraut, crispy bacon, perfectly milky scrambled eggs and baked beans. ($16) with 3 pots of twg's silver moon tea (amazing!!!!) t'was a hearty lunch
2. island creamery's mud pie. two (?) years since mud pie tasting. still the similar lovely taste i've known.
3. hatched's *spanish dish*. a really large fried omelette with roasted potatoes, tomatoes, sweetened caramelized onions and red n green peppers. a lone piece of toast was buried under this generous mound of protein heaven.

bottom-line: the cafes at holland v makes for a perfectly instagrammable day for the epicurean. i only wish iphone bc samsung phone--- smh. the awfully pixellated and pale coloured photos will do no justice to happy food like these.

celebrated jas goon's first day of post a's with a really productive round of hong kong itinerary planning! was at d'good for five hours first online-shopping from f21's black friday sales rack (REALLY EXHILARATING ONLINE SHOPPING WOOHOO) i was distressed, stressed, blinded by fear of items being oos (hehe). pity the longer i fumbled w the payments, more items went oos. i bid my 18$ shorts and hweem's hair pins and sis' muscle tops farewell. and jas introduced taobao and things go as cheap as a dollar like what what what?!?!?!?! rly in love w d'good's concept like they have swings and balconies and nice food smells. appreciation once i've gotten over how narrow the corridors are and the lift. the lift. scary heh.

aft blog surfing i think hong kong will be a food haven: dim sum for breakfast lunch dinner supper snack, cycle repeats. they sell some cosmetics and branded goods cheaper than sg prices too so more in-depth research coming up.

i have officially resigned from the clinic job and i think the holiday period will be happy as i have decided that it will be!!!!!!! the rain will make living here tons better! and the overseas trips are a highlight too

ok so jas is a super emotionless friend and i was amused and jelly ok i was jelly bc i think overthinking is a taxing job. it's a job i didn't ask for and i wish that i didn't have in the first place. (launching into essay time in 3.. 2..) thoughts really do shape one's perspective and perspective is a huge factor in the outlook on life and conversely how happy you are depends on your own perspective of your life. i mean people who have a really strong and admirable character- emitting positive and happy rays give me the impression that nothing fazes them. hurl them an obstacle and they can manipulate it in their favour. i didn't use to admire these people per se, i was over-the-top jealous of them. i hypothetically constructed a comparison table of my life and their's and made myself feel really bad. i wish people wouldn't do that for themselves because it's a tiring job; comparing. i felt it made me a lesser person yet i felt compelled to do it bc a part of me wanted to better my life. i was getting nowhere though. it has got much better now that i've realized the harsh error of my ways.

SECOND TEST TMR

sighpie naht gonna jinx anything!!! remaining calm and thinking i can do it and paying attn to the road and keepin a lookout for cars and not taking the tp's directions too literally/immediately...
YUP

Edit/
38 demerits nerves are the root of all sadness hahahaha destroying my chances for the longest time.
HAHAHAHA why cant i get this right
and mum keeps having the impression i am broke ok idk if i am but darnits, driving!!!! thought i was rly chill then i messed up and then i thought abt how badly i messed up causing me to mess up somemore. struck two kerbs
i think i will be an extremely menacing driver whenever i get my license, crushing all the kerbs in the way ayeeee

had me some roasted sweet potatuh fries today

fell in love now i gotta go jogging.
ate black chicken for dinner today apparently it is a species.. COOLZ!!!!!

1. preheat oven to 175c
2. marinate thick-cut potatuh slices in olive oil, sea salt n brown sugar crystals
3. take em out lest they drip oil globules
4. place into oven, 15 mins
5. pixi3 du5t magic!!!!!!!!!!

how is it that my thoughts have this innate ability of deforming my perspective of everything?

today was meant to go without bumps on the road. but it seemed that my insecurities have completely obliterated my ability to interact w other people, and worse, morphed my family into monsters going against me. unbelievably i have succumbed to this before/ continued w life, accepting it. but now i just can't. i can't let my insecurities deprive myself of family interaction. what the hell right who steers away from people bc she is scared of them possibly criticizing her???
*hands up meekly*

fluff it rebecca get a hold of yourself cry it out if u really have to but don't fooking give in that's just the worst. i need to iron things out idk how but never let yourself immerse in such feelings ever again.

HK IZ HAPPININ

mega exciteeerrrdddd wahooey
deal closes in 2 days :-) :-) :-)

quite relieved/ thankful my mom was okay w it and just asked if we were cantonese-fluent (nope.... but travelling needs challenges ha ha ha) / the whole me + freedom thing has deffos gone a long way from j1 and j2 yay for time healing and mending things as it flows.

love spending time at giant getting veggies n fruit acting all aunty and tossing the aesthetically-displeasing items and accepting the ones worth the value. SWEET POTATOES ON SALE TODAY thank u farmers of japan ure great. 18c for 100g this is no joke everybody plees plees get your
potatoes!!!!!
and mum n i had salmon belly sushi at home with green tea after. ♡ i cherish this homely warm feeling of familiarity both of the palate and of my surroundings. make every afternoon perfect and be the best me u can ever be. (and by me i mean u not me rebs literally)
mum has her sch holidays so she's being helpful and accompanying me to everything and worst of all paying for everthing like she never lets me have a chance so it's unfair... idkwhy but my days seem to be occupied a lot. mostly work, trips to the supermarket (2 or 3x every week?!?!?!?!) and lotssa checkups and stuff but its cool.
^ need to store this pocket of info up so i can save it for a rainy day next year.
fraid for 2014 i keep thinking how i can thrive amongst unfamiliarity n how i can meal prep everyday. many things
many many many things.

pb attempt #1

current read: dance dance dance

that frustrating book starring a peculiar sheep man. rn idk whether hes a man or a sheep (man in sheep?) sooo.....
want to go to hong kong so bad this feeling is real and ive gone to tripadvisor which means im going jodi mode which means this will happen!!!!11 idk what is it about hk; the dimsum thoughts have been clouding my ability to think rationally all i want is that and to immerse in their culture and go to theme parks and do a fair share of shopping!!!
tried my hand at online shopping ytd (40mins of browsing the f21 online shop) i concluded i cannot do it easily bc the models are in another realm that is not this reality i mean like humans dont look like that and every item looks amazing on them!!! and yea amazing clothes dont rly fit well here i think i just need basic things....
-i kennut go diving into sales items again i just kant- bc good price doesnt mean good vibes wearing them
and *general fact moment* i think its rly irrational for people to base their consumer choices on price especially food bc what the body needs isnt anything related to how cheap something is!!!! DONT DO IT!!! esp those processed food no no no a transient moment's satisfaction is not worth endangering your body's health. thats really a thought for me...

today i threw in a tiny piece of dark chocolate into my boiling cauldron of bubbly oatmeal and it's so gorgeous to see it melt when i fold it in woohoo and in a few seconds the entire batch of oatmeal gets a few shades darker. x10 better than cocoa powder!!

another satisfying moment worth holding on to is the smell of the air in the park (especially before the impending shower) - that was ytd n im glad i had the willpower to get up n running
:-) :-) :-)

am spposed to book my first flight out to syd but the agent hasnt got back to me sooo.... its a sign to wait a lil while more HEH

magical shirts call for magical moments.

wore the 21k finishers tee today and idk i guess wearing it sorta puts positive pressure on me: i managed to do a tenner and hopefully more tens to come in future. :-) i used to dread doing tens just last week but with this shirt it's like what is ten km when you've done twice that right i mean... weeheehee. when i was younger i see people walking in shopping malls donning their finisher tees and i thought it looked overly casual but wow it signifies so much more than a bad fashion choice; it's really more like a celebration of their achievements and their little milestones in the individuals' fitness journey. kinda special!!!
the great eastern run was an eye-opener and it motivates me to want to push even harder. 1000s of these ladies chose to take super good care of themselves and embrace this wonderful sport so
i should probably do the same too. it's a good feeling!!!!

IT'S AVOCADO MASH w sunflower seeds!!!!

made this for lunch today - weather was cloudy and awesome so it looks as if i took the picture at dusk. tbh avocado...... sucks. but like all other lunches including the jap rice of 2012, mushing everything up makes it taste lots better.
and -achievement- i've been procrastinating less on menial tasks which was rly hard for me to do last time. washing dishes washing things basically i hate it but it's so necessary and i feel overcoming this bad habit is one step closer to taking better care of like things.

ytd: deonn's performance at lasalle which is basically a futuristic looking sprawling campus at a wonderful location (in the heart of singapore) SO BEAUTIFUL and so was the performance. and in lasalle (abi n reb conclusions #35) students speak so eloquently, (#12) can they all join singapore idol pls they all can sing.
and the epic moment when deonn the narrator on stage saw abi flinching super bad when the actor stabbed the actress w/ an imaginary dagger hahahahahaha ^0^

disclaimer: its that monthly inconvenience thing again

wow ive nevr gotten that mad since august, or smth. it was some screwed up shit over driving (i could only get 1 lesson prior to my next test and my mom ws pissed but dammit her getting loud all of a sudden just rly set me off this time and triggered all the hot tears n that sucks coz i nvr get to speak coherently like that. ok so it is crazy that abt the whole 1 lesson thing but i srsly could only get one lesson n t makes me mad too?!?!??!?! i am alw abhorrently confident w driving bc i feel if there r so many people who drive on the road so effortlessly then why cant i. and why wont i)
n the other thing is that im really angry with myself. my past self. my self all those secondary / jc years.the fact that i was writing for this invisible audience that always criticized me in whatever i did. faceless figures that judged me harshly whenver i chose the more socially less acceptable option.  g0dda#n it there were so many instances i hated myself. my self-worth was clearly negligible and i had clearly recognized it but instead of improving it, it only made a deeper gash into my self-esteem. i was emotionally hurting myself and i allowed myself to inflict that hurt.
the past consisted of so many self-deprecating (and tbh almost pathetic) habits

• scrolled thru endless tweets of friends' perfect moments and then beat myself over it by saying; you should make friends w her bc she is popular and her life is so perfect
• never studying alone. it was the worst when i was in cedar. i mean this whole imaginary popularity contest clearly polluted my mind and i was crazy to have actually put the social definition of 'fun' higher than my grades. studied in the public library and then posting on facebook afterwards of the alarmingly little content i had covered bc it was so fun catching up.
• never b seen alone in sch / pretend to be super exclusive n act accordingly. i was so obsessed with wanting to be in a group, i'd take every initiative to pull us together yet just the right amount held back bc i didn't want to seem too needy. in retrospect i think it was just bc i simply didn't have enough self-respect for myself. i didn't realize how important a little bit of self-respect can go.
• hate-reading. bc oftentimes i needed consolation for my miserable life, i mentally put down many people whose blogs i chance upon. i was so obsessed with social media why wasn't i diagnosed idek....... anw, the sole definition of internet for me was reading blogs in secret as if i did not have a life of my own. not to watch comedy series, not to blog-shop.

it's mental abuse and why hadn't i realized it, until now???? wirojeeigjakjgnseq.
i had toxic amounts of spite and envy and all those horrible things you wish would stay out of your life forever. i think as a result of it, i became more afraid to let any semblance of character in me show, bc i was afraid of being judged, like how i personified judgement.
typing this out actually made things more lucid, wow ok.
yeah so just now i was upset that i actually brought years of misery. upon myself. which is the most foolish thing you can ever ever do. i learn that self-love is essential and also, being humble doesn't mean to put yourself down (even if it says so in the bible). humble people love themselves too and everybody should know that. in fact, the best people love themselves bc they know that by doing so, they would have the heart to help empower others, which i think is a pretty marvellous realisation.
as much as i am upset that i have been completely obliterated by the hungry flames of self-deprecation circa 2009, i'm more determined

• to love myself more bc no freaking one can ever love this as much as the heart of this human and the beautiful organs that undergo processes that help it to survive
• n e v e r  to let anyone's opinions override mine; bc my opinion is important too and i should always know that. (i hadn't known that.)
• never to let the faceless humans in my brain take the reigns to what is known as my life.
• never be scalded too badly by actions of others which i always assume to be subtle signs of disinterest/disapproval/discouragement towards me. read: can u not overthink too much stop being a pathetic sad sod.
• to have a more positive opinion of myself.
• to be empowered by and proud of my clean eating lifestyle. in doing so i realize the positive changes that are stirring within my body (this is true)

• to be happy content with who i am. and be happy for others.

it's seriously much more enjoyable to be admirable of others than to be envious of long, lean legs or slim arms. i alw tell myself that everyone is on their own fitness journey. we're all at different stages in trying to get lean and actually, that is what shapes (pun) the world and gives it this wonderful diversity. everyone is different and that is something to embrace and savour.
ok so i am coming clean n saying that i sometimes dk why i am the way i am physically. sometimes i resign to the fact that i'll never be content w my body. looking at the body transformations on tumblr or instag rly inspires me though, that these people only headed towards one direction and overcame all those sick demons that put them down.

/end. everyday will be perfect bc i will make it so.

getting the hang of this clean eating thing...! *fingers crossed*

lunchies today!!! whipped up from my imagination ha ha sounds gay but whadevzx~

 

fun day on sunday at medszxzx at millennia walk w the family + 2 little cousins. finally super great food (octopus paella n i can never fall out of love with it). went to collect the great eastern women's run which is happening this sunday!! well 'never let perfect be the enemy of good', so as long as i do some form of exercise n not beat myself over the other times i am not doing exercise, i guess i'm alright. btw lovin that quote, trying to live by it everyday.

nowadays tumblr's fuelling me w word energy. lots and lots and lots of quotes, happy food essentially motivation to live life w/o the need to have calorie-intense things. more sensitive to changes in the body w all the positive vibes.

this happened ystd

 

a birthday visit to nus for hazel n jolene yup brought along the miso paste and sweet smelling perfume + pokemon to accompany me in the train rides

it was sweet i m glad i got a chance to speak n laugh w the uni go-ers again all of them forever busy as bees. they got me over for pasta and the pasta was good al dente haw haw *french laughter*

plus i had no work today so the happy vibes remain!!!!

urm so like yea hazel has become all intimidating ever since she came to eusoff evidence #1 HAHAHAH it's btw an actual knife. sharpened further by a coconut husk.

absolutely miss this stuff i put this on every biscuit surface i see.

got my gellish for the first time!!!

 

gellish. it's such an irksome name but yay for yielding a pretty pretty result ^3^

after it was done abi assured me that nothing will cause it to scratch "not even building houses in cambodia" will cause a single chip. and the first time feel of smooth mighty durable nails makes you just wna touch your nails a lot idk. haha this beats express manis by a mile.

if you want to see change you have to act out the change

it comes from within << easy to say but hard to do. always a work in progress.

today's life came out spontaneous unlike the other days. eg; i gotten round to watching glee s5e3 the tribute to cory monteith extremely heart wrenching yet beautiful how beautifully the show was scripted. i love how the writers weave in the story of finn's quarterback jacket being the object of desire by his friends and everyone wanting a piece of finn after his passing and it was mr schue who had the jacket all along he took it for himself and it was just really sad..
^ watched that w rugaiyah and
me: ok i'm going to get tissues, do you need?
r: yes.
haw haw and I didn't think she'd be one to cry over this bc she seemed fine watching it

i downloaded pokemon emerald and fml it is addictive to the ulti max okay i totally regret playing it from 8 pm to 4.50 am
(this rly happened)
i'm so not one to get this crazy but i think once i start smth i like i can't stop... tbh i don't even know how i'd gotten round to stop playing.... idk i think pokemon is so so so nostalgic even the newer versions like emerald have some hints of the original plot like how the first gym leaders are always rock-types and bicycles only come around later in the game and there's alw that one jealous rival from the town u r from- pokenerds u feel me????
it takes me back to the sweeter days of aaron and i being an invincible team getting our fav pokemon up to level 80 somethings to beat the elite four and gary the rival, getting the best combination for battle, trading eevees so we could have the three evolution forms, battling over the game boy adapter via double pokemon battles

i think pokemon is sooooooper awesome but not exactly the change i'd favour right now in my life although it rly does tie closely w one compartment of good childhood memories.

i should try morning runs i think mornings are less terrifying than nights

tuna sandwich + veg wooopieeee

evelyn's constant breakfast choice in adelaide has inspired this ^my kind of overnight oats^

reb get it together man 21k in a few weeks time only!!!! tensefully excited.

• been working for 4x this week (my record so far bc i never work so much at the clinic bfr haaaha....)
• did yoga w the mom ytd night which is good, got to breathe a lot better and feel the movements in a cool yoga manner (i'm such a yoga noob hahha the only yog i know is yogurt)
• looking forward to professionalizing more of my meals bc it makes me feel more positive for the changes i'm making w my life!!! and also the iphone is down so the dslr's the only way to glam up food shots.
• never discount happy moments in your life. sometimes you just deserve to be happy. in fact i think it lifts your spirits up and opens you up to more happy moments!!