all the sad feels

talking to deonn makes me feel like i'm talking to a potential legend in the arts scene, really. (ahem!!) there must surely be talent hidden within when you can memorise casual conversations/ tv show lines like you're memorizing a script without much effort.
do not doubt your skills people

"you should talk to us more okay, we need to know more about these stuff"
"yeah, ok"

i rly appreciate daddy + mummy's efforts in trying, just. that.... like any other incident i can't really speak to them without choking up like a shit idek how to stop doing it because it just starts. i don't think it's even that morose or anything, can't really see it from a third person pov. maybe this will be funny when i grow up. my current muteness.
it's shocking how parents or any other older adult humans in fact, can get to the wise words and sentences and say it out before you have time to even figure it out in your own mind, because they are that wise. it's such a blessing to have adults in your life (i violently deny that i am one) ((omg i'm not))
they say they'll always support me/ they say money is not an urgent issue now/ they say young people must have more chances to try out different things/ they say there are so many things out there, why get bogged down by one woman/
them telling me this really makes me want to terminate this contract honestly and now i really don't know. i've been thinking about taking driving? on a whole new note which is a completely out of place thought.
six more months how the hell can i even think of quitting now. i'm scared that maybe i'm just hallucinating and things ain't as bad as it seems??? then again idk. maybe i just cannot have fear + sense in my brain at one time.
i would miss the kids so so much because i've never seen them genuinely happy laughing i don't want to be strict.
mum says to keep to my principles and that i don't deserve this.
kinda makes me wna xxx more because that's what i'm feeling??? and this constant fear every morning that i get, and my dad actually knows it without my pointing it out.

maybe i will just survive the week.
survive tomorrow
thanks so much jasmine, dee, trackies if yall went through this you'd really be thankful for friends like yourself hehehe
can't fathom what i'd do without such a blessing of parental love