(I cannot cannot cannot will not let my guard down I must not be disappointed/ I'd wish to believe that all roads will lead to Rome, even if the road means on this path called TJ. I cannot bear to make anyone disappointed I don't wanna make myself disappointed. I wish I wasn't so affected I wish I didn't have to compare to make myself feel even worse than before. My inherent behaviour is really TMTH sometimes and I really do abhor myself by overreacting so darned badly in my head.
Chanced upon some quite inspiring blogs to put my mind where it should be. I promised Jodi that I'd go research on what I want to do in future. And yeah, it's not just a promise to her but also a promise to myself? Just that I tried and cannot picture myself being an accountant or engineer or a businesswoman or competing at the top with the doctors and in the end getting treated like dirt and disrespected according to some seniors... My abstinence from failure irks me sometimes coz there's no way life is good w/o bits and pieces of failure in there. Ok I will accept failure as it comes to me and be strong and courageous about it.
Quite grateful for my class girls because they're like a source of happiness and I cannot like cannot ever envision school w/o them. Not one day goes by without laughter and in comparison to 4M.... Well hehe okay. Just that I'd much prefer 16/11 any day because the environment seems more surreal in some way. The former is more real, akin to some super competitive, intense place I guess? But to see them all achieving amazing things inspires me to no end.
I hope we can somehow achieve things too, and not be the class that always gets the teachers disappointed. I'm just happy and grateful that we are all genuine people at heart and we can laugh during lessons and A levels seems like a dream~~ /ok no/ I guess things are really quite tough nowadays but don't falter, hopefully the rewards will assuage the temporary pain by a million times. I guess this is some dangerously idealistic thinking right there, but... AHH HECK IT. No more words :-(
Gonna run my ass off and ps I heard something that probably wasn't meant for me, yet I'm still quite unsure....? Help please. I don't know what to think. It's prolly a laughable matter in retrospect but I'm super uncertain. :-(
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