1. abandoned my worthless negative thoughts which do nothing but suppress me. i let myself go.

i took a bus down to coogee beach, and took in this amazing sight. 

(^o^)/

i ve had love / hate r/s with running but after knowing the greatness that it brings, ive decided to prioritize that instead of my fears that it is time wasted. bc its most definitely not!! it has opened up my world. i can breathe fresh air, feel the salt water wind in my face, feel the ground beneath my thin soled shoes. 

it's all good, all good. 

2. 

running gave me a reason to come back home, melt some coconut oil, mix it with cacao powder and drizzle it over the popsicles that i stashed in the freezer 2 hours before.

3. i am focusing more on my present self. not my past. not what i should be doing like 4 hours from now. last sem, it was just a crazy burden rly. comparisons weighed me down but now i feel that doing things according to what i really need makes me even more productive.

productivity was what i sought last semester, but the stresses on making sure i was up to par with my expectations made me so exhausted. i slept a lot and i would get upset. and i would 'punish' by pushing myself to study even harder. if i was hungry, i punished myself by not eating and the result of that was mindless noshing on whatever things i had in my room. i now know that hunger is a natural feeling. it is your body's way of telling you it has used up its nutrients and needs nourishment. i need to listen to that more, because my body is what i must take care of- no one else can do it for me.

i was hungry just now, despite- or because i slept for 4 hours (wasnt intended, sh*t!!!!!). i would've either continued sleeping even if i didnt need to so i could wake up at a weird time to study again, or ate mindlessly the rice cakes and pb i had in my room. 

BUT I DIDNT THIS TIME. I DIDNT!!!!!!! bc screw punishment, i made myself some roasted kale, asparagus and avocados and had myself a happy meal despite the fact i didnt meet my expectations. more often than not, i havent been treating my body as a friend. i have always learnt to train it as if it were an animal. but if you take a step back and think, then wonder to yourself- what are you training for? what is it doing to your primal body in the process?

your mind is the master which either works to sustain and nourish what strength your body has, or tear it down bit by bit. i would forget that modern day stresses are really burdensome for the body to handle. focusing your orbital muscles on small handheld screens. repetitive motions of your fingers against a keyboard.

motion sickness because of the vehicle you are in. -i digress-

my psych lecturer has told us smtg that has stuck with me throughout 2 semesters- the stresses in our world is doing that onto us what big scary human hands do to rats. we think we are the masters of the world but i think we need to be taken care of not by technology but by the super simplistic life of our ancestors, that life without technology

i am prolly anti-tech now and furevz